Dirty old woman? Or woman in love??

Question

A friend of the family's son, is only 18. He has been dating and living with a 45 year old woman since he was 17. They are getting married on the 30th of this month. The boys family are upset, and the first they new about this wedding was an invite through the post. We have tried talking the the lad and to the woman but both seem dead set on it.
This woman has made him skip work to babysit her kids!!!! He has re-decorated nearly the entire house for her. I just found out yesterday that she is a police woman??? The boy did have a really great relationship with his family, s he isn't searching for a mother fisgure if thats what you were thinking. Does anyone else see the problem with this and what can we do to help him see that he is wrecking his life. By the time he is 40 she will most likely be dead. Do you think she is a perv or a mental health case???

Answer 1

Dirty old woman? Or woman in love??

It's anyone's guess. Every relationship is different and I can't think of single hard a fast rule but I do have a story.

A man about 30 years old worked for me a number of years ago. I didn't know until I met her but his wife was at least 35 years older than he was. I swear to you, you would never find a happier couple. They were worse than two 16 year old kids at a school dance. There were times when I wished I had a bucket of cold water to break them up. One day I got a call from him. He asked for a couple of days off. His wife had died during the night. We worked together for another two years and the last time I saw him he still depressed over the loss. About 15 years later I ran into him on one of my trips and he had not remarried. He told me there just wasn't anything comparable on the market.

Now you can take it for what it's worth but those two were as happy as any couple I have ever known. I'm not saying it is true of your friend but wouldn't it be great if it was. After all, what can you ask for beyond happiness in this life.

Answer 2

Well, since you only want answers that say she's either a perv or a nut case, there isn't anything much anyone's going to say to you that might help. Because you're looking for answer that will only make you feel better, and not do anything for him, it's obvious you're on his mother's side and see the situation as everything in this kids family life was great, until he got involved with this woman.

Something difinitely was wrong with either the way the young man was brought up, or with his home life as he grew older. The evidence is waaaayyyy too apparent.

Regardless, there isn't anything you, or his family is going to do that will stop him at this point. He's going to have to learn this one on his own. Best thing the people who care for him could do for him is be supportive. If you don't, it's only going to make him feel, he's treated, like a child, and that his decisions as an adult aren't respected. While that's happening, the 45 year old is for sure making him feel like an adult. He's going to lean or her, feel closer to her, and refuse to come to his family when things start going not so great.

Answer 3

Well,Hears my take,first it is hard to change an 18 year old mind,but constantly telling him that this would be bad and get others to join in like his friends and he may wake up. Also if they do get married i guarantee it will not last,this type of relationship has a lot of excitement at the moment ,but quickly wares off,as for her I think she may like the fact that he is younger and also is probably in con troll of him because she is the wiser. She can get him to do things a man her age will not do,this is also why she likes him.

Answer 4

Well, I understand why they and you would be concerned, and she wouldn't be my ideal choice for a daughter-in-law, but now he is over 18 it is his choice. The relationship must work for them, otherwise they wouldn't think of getting married. (This, by the way, allays my fears a bit about the woman.)

About the 'babysitting her kids' bit - if they are marrying, then they will become his kids, too - his stepkids - so perhaps he sees it less as babysitting, more as doing his share of the childcare. If so, then he is taking his responsibilities seriously and his parents should be proud of him! Same with the house - it'll be his house, too so maybe he redecorated for his own benefit, not hers?

It looks like your friends have a decision to make - they can accept his choice of life partner, however peculiar it might appear to them, or they can lose meaningful contact with their son. Who knows, they might even like her and her kids, once they get to know them....

Answer 5

I think he's 2 young 2 know what he's getting in2. he probably taut it was cool dating an older woman at first but then fell in love with her and she probably feels younger being with an 18yr old boy. He'l soon realise what he is missing when his friends are going clubbin while he minds the kids.

Answer 6

Sometimes you have to let people fall on their face . If you have talked to both of the and the are detirmened to go ahead with the marriage their is nothing else you can do. They are both legaly old enough to make their own decisions. If they do get married just be as supportive as you can.

Answer 7

Don't worry in less than 20 years for sure he is going run away from her 100%.
Help on the way - just needs time to come.

Answer 8

That is way too young for him to be involved with a older woman. He is just gonna end up resenting her for all the things hes gonna miss out on !!

Answer 9

It is sick, yes but there doesn't seem to be anything you can do about it. He's old enough to get married without his parents' consent. So maybe approach her instead. She must understand it's ridiculous for her to marry him.
The only other way is for him to realise his mistake is to actually make it first.

Answer 10

Yup that's right, they're in love. You can't mess out with a lover pairs when they are in love like this time. You can only "beat" them when they broke up..sorry can't help much..