I about a month ago I slept with a guy at work. This occured a couple of times before we had a talk and realised we both wanted different things - he just wanted casual sex and I wanted something more significant. As a result we became friends, no longer sleeping together but hanging out at work and going for drinks ocassionally. Over time I found myself falling for this guy but I had to frustratingly keep it to myself because I knew he wasn't interested. In his words he had told me "he didn't like me in that way". Now I am not stupid, I realised he was just in it for the sex. But then last weekend I attended a party where several people that we had both worked with told me that "he was totally in love with me". So as you can imagine, now I am very confused. I want to believe that he feels the same way because obviously that is what I want, but logic tells me that if he really liked me he wouldn't have said otherwise.....Anyone know what is going on here?
2006-09-26 20:01:55 · 12 answers · asked by down under 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Difficult one isn't. OK, ask yourself this question; how do I really feel about him? You see, I think you want him to be in love with you. If I am correct then you have to weigh the risks- the checks and balances. Is it worth it?
On the one hand he told you he only wanted casual sex. Then why is he still hanging around with you. Men don't necessarily just fall in love and bed at the same time. Generally we will have sex at the drop of a hat (or whatever) This guy had sex with you because you were female and available. Now he has gotten to know you and is smitten. It does happen, believe me, I know from personal experience.
OK it could all be a sham in which case you could be hurt- but I think your hurting already and besides it's inevitable: love brings pain like clouds bring rain. But we still carry on loving because if we don't we stop living.
I'm probably a good deal older than you and as I said, I know from personal experience. For some of us we find out these things when it is too late and we have to learn to live with the consequences.
My take is that he's telling others because he doesn't feel able to tell you having burned his bridges and is waiting for it to get back to you. Who knows, you've probably changed the schmucks point of view. Give it a try and good luck!
2006-09-27 01:44:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no easy way for you to accept that he doesn't love you because feeling love for someone always throws out any sense of reason.
You know that he is in it for sex only, but one side of your brain wants to believe whereas the other does not. Usually the part of your brain that wants something wins over the part that thinks more logically. From my experience, this goes for both guys and girls. I don't know how many times I've come across a dude still lamenting years and years after a breakup about a girl they say they loved.
You shouldn't put much stake in what other's say he is thinking since you already know what he is thinking. He told you he is in it for sex. He might change his mind, but it could be just because he wants more sex. For guys, the possibility of sex is a huge motivating factor. But once they get it there is a big chance they will lose interest in the object of their pursuit.
My thinking is that you need to close the book on this relationship. Going out with him "as friends" is exposing you to the possiblity of him using you for sex again. If he has used you for sex, maybe he has used other women too. Consider that. Also consider that while your seeing him you are losing the opportonity to go out with just as nice (or better) guys who are interested in a long term relationship.
Keep in mind that people don't last forever. Don't waste too much time of your life while he is trying to decide if he loves you or not. You could end up years older waiting for him and not getting him.
If you have to know, then don't play games. Go ask him. If he comes back with the same answer about wanting sex then for your own sake you need to move on and make a clean break of it. Stop seeing him. Join a club for an activity you like somewhere and meet some new people. Take a class in college one day a week or something and get involved in college activities. You can meet new people and earn a degree on the side.
Good luck whatever you do and if you do end up intimate with him or someone else...please be safe and use protection.
2006-09-27 03:29:48 · answer #2 · answered by andromega 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds interesting.Very? Well, sex is not everything in love. Romance is. I understand why you are confused. even i would, if i were to be in your shoes? maybe it was just rumours, you know? maybe he told a lie to your co-workers, so then they wouldn't nag him on why he has to hang out with you often? this guy could admit that he was just there for sex, he would say it otherwise as well. When a man, loves you..he would say it..or atleast,show it. This man doesn't.So, don't get confused over this. Go ahead with your life, and i'm sure you will find someone your longing for. True love!!
2006-09-27 03:09:32 · answer #3 · answered by chandni 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask the people who told you this HOW they know that he is in love with you. IF they THINK so then they are likely wrong. If he SAID something, that's altogether different. It may be his hope that you will pursue him. It may be that he misses the sex.
2006-09-27 03:05:30 · answer #4 · answered by teef_au 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he was bold enough to tell you that he didn't like you in that way....why wouldn't he be bold enough to tell you otherwise? Wait until he verbalizes directly to you what your coworkers told you about how he feels about you. Surely you don't want to be humiliated again....
2006-09-27 03:07:00 · answer #5 · answered by justmemimi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You had it straight from the horse's mouth, girl, he just wants sex, nothing else. Why do you think that others will know better what goes on his head than he himself?
2006-09-27 03:04:13 · answer #6 · answered by Liz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
forget what he said.
men are all bravado.
his heart has softened.
you should ask him for a date, because he doesn't know how to break the ice.
2006-09-27 03:41:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's a usual story between men women, men no commitments and women want security.
2006-09-27 03:03:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you' re in the middle of a bad joke. try to keep your distance.
2006-09-27 03:21:23 · answer #9 · answered by marius-bogdan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is not that into you, if he was he would have told you, and stop mixing pleasure with your work it makes things weird
2006-09-27 03:04:12 · answer #10 · answered by lilykiss8 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋