What should I do about boyfriend when all of his ex-s are still hanging around?

Question

What should I do about my boyfriend who has “friends” (all girls) and all of them had been in some kind of intimate relationships with him? Should I insist that he stops the contacts? Should I be selective and what are the criteria? Should I do anything about it?

Answer 1

Ex-girlfriends that are not accepting of your relationship with him should be ex-friends.

I have a lot of ex's that are still friends. Here are my rules for them, and it didn't come from my fiance. These are my own rules that I made. She has a lot of male friends too, and I expect her to abide by the same rules.

1) No meeting and hanging out with ex's that the other has not met and is comfortable with.
2) No private meetings with ex's. Any meetings should always be in a public place, and in a non-romantic setting.
3) The other party is to be advised in advance of any meeting with an ex, and the location and time should be known.
4) If a change of venue is to happen (ie: you and your ex decide to go to a movie instead of country line dancing lessons), the other party is to be notified immediately, by whatever means of communication.
5) If such communication is not possible, the meeting is to be cancelled or postponed, pending said successful communication.
6) The ex and the boyfriend/girlfriend are to behave themselves at all times as if the partner is there watching them.
7) Conversation is never to wind up going towards, "Why don't you break up with him/her so we can get back together?" or some similar topic. If it does, the meeting should abruptly end, and the ex goes to the curb, permanently.
8) Never is one allowed to hang out with an ex that doesn't welcome the presence of the other without reservations.
9) The other is always welcome to join in whatever activity goes on, and is always invited to go.
10) Romantic messages or conversations, pet names, kisses, and prolonged hugs are strictly prohibited.
11) Ex's are never to be allowed in the house without the presence of the other party unless express permission is granted.
12) Such permission is for that occassion only, and does not extend to future meetings.
13) Priority is ALWAYS given to the partner, and never to the ex.
14) Rules can be lessoned or tightened, at the discretion of the partner.
15) Anything that causes any kind of friction between partners must be quickly and effectively dealt with before any further meetings are to take place, whether that friction is purposefully or accidentally caused by the ex, or anyone else.
16) If problems within the relationship develope, even if the problems are independant of the ex's presence, hanging out with ex's is to be minimized or eliminated, until those problems are resolved.
17) The appearance of impropriety is to be carefully avoided at all times.

As you can see, I have a lot of rules. There has to be, because inviting ex's to remain in your life when you are in a relationship with someone else is complicated and risky, no matter how innocent the friendship. It also limits the number of friendships with ex's, because not many ex's are interested in following all of those rules.

If the ex truly respects that your partner chose YOU, they should, and will.

To the letter.

Answer 2

Even if you trust him, it's still very obnoxious. My girlfriend is the same way.

Not much you can do without looking insecure. And yes he will throw that one at you if you dare make a peep.

I say dump the guy if you don't want to deal with this.

Only other option is to have some male friends you can go hang out with every time he is out hanging with his ex's.

Answer 3

First, I have to tell you that I am sorry. I know you don't want to hear this, but I absolutely do not believe that a man can remain friends with his ex-girlfriends. And why is that? You are a woman and you know how untrustworthy other nasty girls are! The worst ones are the exs that pretend like they are your friends also! He may not want to cheat, but men are weak and hanging out with ex-girlfriends is like opening the door to adultery. Believe me, I know. I am hurting incredibly from the pain my husband has caused me with one of his "friends". I don't think I will ever get over it. But you are not married and you can make changes and decisions now that can prevent this from happening to you. If he loves you and does not want these other women then he will cut ties with them completely. How would he feel or react to all of your friends being boys or ex-boyfriends? I don't think he would like it. DO NOT trust any of these women. If he does sever all ties with them then you have to give him the benefit of the doubt and trust him. I wish you the best of luck, I know you are hurting and agonizing over this.

Answer 4

Oh my god! This is just like my situation. As soon as I got together with my guy all these ex-chicks came out of the woodwork. It has caused a lot of problems in our relationship. Don't believe that they will only be friends. If he has done them once then he is attracted to them. If it's serious tell him to choose!

Answer 5

Let him know that it makes you feel uncomfortable for him to be around them so much. You should try to feel more comfortable though. If you are confident in your relationship, you have no need to worry about them. If he does stuff with them then he obviously needed to be dropped.

Answer 6

Start inviting a couple of your exs to start hanging around and see how he likes it.

Answer 7

How long have you been dating your boyfriend? Are any of these girls his ex's?

Answer 8

If it bugs you tell him...If you respects you he will talk to them and tell them to back off. If your ok with just friends and you trust him, then try, i know its hard to just deal with it.

Answer 9

I WOULD LET KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS. IF
THEY ARE ALL WAY AROUND HIM, HE SHOULD KNOW
BUT IT ALSO ABOUT TRUST., SO JUST TALK TO HM
AND LET HIM KNOW.

Answer 10

girl pls u r stupid dump that ******