What am I doing wrong? *mature adults only* NO CHILDREN!?

Question

Okay, here is a quick run down of my situation. My boyfriend and I have been together for a while. We moved in together November of 2005. Well Feb. of 06' he proposed to me. Two weeks after that our sex life went from 5 times a week to once every two months. It has maintained this course every since!! I have tried everything I can possibly think of. I am 23 and he is only 28. Everytime I ask him he says no and makes up an excuse. We broke the engagement back in August because he didnt feel he was ready to get married and we agreed to start having sex more often...well that was the last time I have had it. So my question is....What would make a man tell his woman no every single time and tell her she thinks about it too much? No he is not gay and he isnt cheating on me. He works 12 hour shifts at work so one of his excuses is that he is tired all the time. Please none of those stupid weird kind of answers. I am not beautiful, but I am not ugly either. I'm 134lbs and very blessed. *wink*

Yes I have told him that he can just lay there and I will do all the work. He still doesnt want it then. :( We have both been married before, he is divorced and I am a widow, so we both know about marriage and kids. He doesnt like it when I rub his shoulders or try to play with him, and foreplay...that's a thing of the past...*sigh*

Hey old, do yourself a favor and grow up! I asked this because I am at my wits end and lost on what I can do to try to get him interested. If you dont like my sarcacism then get off this page. I have a right to be upset because this has been going on since the beginning of march! But hey, your got your two points...enjoy your evening.

Answer 1

listen up. theys alot of answers on here that suck. there is no excuse really unless ur deathly ill. what i mean by that is if ur in love w/ the person u satisfy them. i have worked the simple 12 hr shifts and have worked them on all shifts 1st 2nd 3rd swing u name it. i go
2 work now at 8am [at work] till 9 pm now [leaving work]. when she is willing i am ready. keep in mind im 30 yrs young. he either has issues 2 do it or hes not interested. he may have some1 else, and tere is nothing u can do about it. that does not mean ur ugly or r bad or anything its just interest levels that r different from 1 2 the next. sit him down and freakin ask him. does he lve u or not. i know sex is not what makes the love real but it keeps the relationship a live. it has been my experience that it is the female that is not as active as the male. this has been true in every and i repeat every 1 of my married or almost married friends. if there is no interest 4 him he needs 2 allow u 2 move on. b-4 u know it itll b too late and ull be wasted valueable time. most of the answers on here did not read your question and understand it properly and then some like ugly old fart or whatever r just jerks. this is your answer. take it as u wish. its the truth.
thanx-a-million
supernate the star-catcher

Answer 2

With some men it is the thrill of the hunt, and the chase that drives them. After your engagement, he seems to have cooled his passion towards you, possibly he felt there was no more challenge. His work habits , as you say should not affect a man of 28. Perhaps he does not find you stimulating any more. From what you say , you are an imaginative , and resourceful lover, so ask him flat out. "What's up?"You say he is not cheating on you, I hope not, but that is certainly a possibility. I know you don't want to hear that, but it happens. Is he OK physically? Is he under a lot of stress and pressure at work? If so this will kill his libido as well. I would recommend that you find out the next time he is off for the weekend, and you plan a weekend trip to a nice hotel, perhaps a jacuzzi tub, a bit of bubbly, and drag him to it. You be the aggressor, and if that does not work, or he shows only a mild interest, than it is time for a heart to heart my friend. Good luck, and yes you are beautiful..

Answer 3

It could be that the guy just feels so stressed. Like you said you moved in together, he proposed, he works 12 hour days. Granted this is not an excuse, I mean the man has to love you or he wouldn't be with you, and obviously he is attracted to you as well. Have you considered pre-marital counseling? I know you said you broke off the engagement but still. There is obviously an issue - whether it's in the relationship or it's just him. Either way, it's now affecting you. You know this isn't normal so tell him you want to go see a premarital counselor. It certainly couldn't hurt!

I went through the same thing with my fiance. After we got to the root of the issue it came down to him feeling so stressed - after he proposed it hit him that he is going to have to "provide for me" - apparently a lot of men feel this way. Even though I have a high paying job. I guess the stress of everything - moving in and all was just so much, so apparently not having sex was the answer for him.

Oh and I definitely do not think he's cheating on you. I agree with you on that!

Answer 4

I checked out your 360 and you are very pretty so that is not a cause. I think that it must have something to do with his long hours. Have you tried initiating and doing all the work and still have been turned down? for my boyfriend and I it seems like the more we do it the more we want it, so maybe if you jump him lol then he will be more into next time. I know your a mommy and your probably so tired yourself but maybe try and do some foreplay on him like massage his neck, shoulders, and feet to get him in the mood. Good luck!

Answer 5

Either he's not interested in you or he is just literally worn out from working 12 hours a day. You have to think for a guy it takes some strength and motivation to have sex. He's starting to get around to that age where sex is becoming further to the last thing on his mind. That and working all the time probably does really ware him out. And he just doesn't feel like having sex. You may be gifted but not all relationships are supposed to be based on sex. Sex should be the last thing on your life. Life should be the first. Hope I come of some assistance.

Answer 6

Have you thought that it may be you? Have you changed the way you 'keep yourself up' or have you become domineering with the plans of the engagement/wedding.
Or more seriously, are his (single) friends telling him how big of a mess he is making of his life. Men who are afraid of losing a friend, can sometimes (unknowingly) sabotage an others plans for happiness because they feel that his future plans will stop including them and they never want that to happen. Moreover, ask your partner, in a very nice non confronting way, if there is a problem that he feels he can communicate with you about. Best of luck!

Answer 7

first of all you are beautiful dont ever put yourself down!!! now my boyfiend also works twelve hour shifts and while we have sex a little more often than you sometimes we do run into a dry spell maybe you can just be waiting for him in bed when he gets home if you no what i mean, or since hes tired alot of the time give him a nice massage to losen him up a bit to get him in the mood there are things that you can do to get back where you useu to be just dont give up because all relationshios experience rough patches its how we deal with them that determines whether or not we were meant to be with that person

Answer 8

I would say it looks like the relationship is heading towards its demise. When a man breaks off an engagement, and refuses sex, then something is going on. You say he isn't gay and he isn't cheating on you. Do you know this for sure? Sometimes a man will start to get sex somewhere else, so he's not as open to it with his partner. I would think this is the most possible answer.

Answer 9

I would say that it was 5 times a week just to impress you. But really I myself work twelve hour shifts and once every two months is a lot in that situation

Answer 10

I know you don't want to hear this, but I could have sworn mine couldn't have someone else, but i could not get him in bed and he was working a shutdown at a plant (12 hours shifts.7 days a week) and was down in his back. and a friend saw him walking around the park with a blond, this was a solid 10 yr relationship. i started looking for his cell bill and what do you know. 3 calls to me and 78 to Ellen.