My 12 yr old daughter always says im too strickt with her,?

Question

I feel she is way to advanced for her age, she is boy crazy and always wants to go to the skating rink alone with her friends however i catch her making plans to meet boys behind my back, what should i do? I want to trust her but she hasnt proven to be trustworthy. Am i wrong for keeping a tight hold on her. And always wanting to know what she is doing, or should i lighten up a little.

Answer 1

She's 12. She's a child. Although she hates rules, she needs them. Set rules. Set cerfews. Call her friend's parents when she says she is going to that friend's house to verify that plans have been made and a parent will be home. Make sure there are always consistent consequences when rules are broken. Of course, be reasonable. May the punishment fit the crime, and never resort to snooping through her things unless you are really afraid that she is into something dangerous to herself or others. Make her earn her "reward." In other words, she can't go out on Friday or Saturday unless her room is clean. No going out on school nights until homework is done. No skating rink unless she's done the dishes. Things like that. The structure is important. There are times when she is going to scream and yell and raise hell about the rules and the consequences, but remember, that is her job. She is just starting to push her boundaries, so the more you enforce them now, the easier it will be when she's 16. Also remember that always knowing who she hangs out with, what she's doing, where she is, etc., will keep her out of trouble.

Answer 2

I've got good news and bad ... First the good news: she is only acting like a 12 year old would. The bad news : you've got 6 more years of head spinning , eye rolling , tongue lashing.....The great thing is that you have the chance to reason with her. Explain your side and allow her the courtesy of having an opinion too. Because she is so responsible and intelligent you should ahve no problem coming to compromise on issues. Be sure that she understands that there will always be times that you will not agree and the final decision will be made by you. She is trying to test her boudaries in life as well as with you. (mom could not hold up to the challenge and she will expect to get the same results from you ). Remember too that she is at an age where she is/ or will be experiencing a multitude of changes. A menstrual cycle will effect moods, sleep cycles, etc. Her body is developing still and will not go unnoticed by her peers, hence the pressure to begin becoming sexually active ( i wish i could say this may not start for some time, but i want u to be EYES OPEN)... keep all lines of communication open ...if you fight until u both retreat to oppposite corners and shut down then no one wins. She needs to realize that you will not be backed down ( do not allow her to manipulate you - if she sees that you are hurt that she did not get her way she will use it ). Kids are tough and girls are even trickier, but you will do fine if you continue to grow in this experience together. There is NOTHING in this world like a bond between a daughter and her father. Good Luck!

Answer 3

My mother was very strict with me, and as a child I hated every second of it, there were times that I thought my mom wanted me to be miserable.

Now that I am older, I really like the fact that my mother was really strict with me, because I see how some of my friends turned out that didn't have parents that were strict. They are living their lives like it is just a big party, and the kids they now have are just being tossed aside.

My mom let me do things every once in a while, I wouldn't keep your daughter away from all social activity, because when she gets old enough she might rebel and decide she wants to do it all. But, I would put limits on it, like make her earn being able to go to the skating rink, if she does something on a friday, then not on saturday. Make her want to do better in school, by letting her know that if she does good in school, then maybe I stress maybe, she can go to the skating rink.

As far as the boys, tell her as long as she is doing things behind your back, then you will not trust her, so therefore you will not be able to take it any easier on her.

Good Luck

Answer 4

Set some realistic goals for her involving school achievement, healthy extracurriculars, and keeping her own stuff in order. When she meets her goals, let her go to the rink with her friends. Network with her friends' parents to make sure that some adult knows they're there the whole time. Pop in and check once in a while. Make sure she knows the rules, and the consequences if she breaks them. Monitor her MySpace account. Pray. A lot. :-) I have a 13-year-old girl who's very social, but not too boy crazy. It's still been a challenge, but I want her to be happy, so I've put a lot of effort into it. She's doing well. But with young teens, that can change in a New York minute! :-D

Answer 5

Pat yourself on the back mom for doing the right thing. She's twelve and she's testing her boundries. Just make sure your rules are justified and they are made clear to her, as well as punishment if she breaks them. Not many parents take the time to care where their children are now a days...what you are doing is comendable.

If she feels the rules are too strict, have a family pow-wow and discuss them. Have your daughter state her requests and why she should be allowed to have such privelages. If she does it responsibly without throwing a tantrum, then maybe it's okay to lighten up a little....if not, she still needs you to set those boundries. And keep in mind, kids at this age love to argue, think they know it all and think we know nothing. They seem to forget we were once 12 ourselves and have gone through and tried to do everything she's trying to do now. Use it as your upper hand. If she is allowed additional freedom, check up on her to make sure she is where she said she'd be. If she's there, great...you have a daughter you can trust. If she's not, it's time to take back some of that freedom. And explain this to her. Children need to know that every choice in life has consequence and their lot in life depends upon trust, not only with you, but with others as well.

I wish you luck mom...and patience!

Answer 6

I remember being 12 and boy crazy!!! I used to always go to the skating rink with my friends. I believe she is making plans and being sneaky because you are to tight on her. Do you ever give her a chance to explain things. Do you know her friends? Not just the ones who come over. I always try to think back to when I was a kid. I have a daughter who will be 15 soon. I do not just let her do what she wants. If she does or says something that I don't like I will take a time out. I don't want her to just be afraid of me and my reactions. I want her to be comfortable talking with me. I try to give her the pros and cons of everything and just back her decisions. She wants piercings but of course I won't let her do that. I have found that there will be many battles to come so just DON'T STRESS THE SMALL THINGS. Let her hang out with her friends. What has she really done to prove herself unworthy?

Answer 7

She is just getting into the difficult years. As long as she is chaperoned it is okay to go the skating rink. Kids are really loose these days, so my best guess would be to keep a tight reign on her until she proves herself to be trustworthy and capable of making intelligent decisions. So far it sounds like she hasn't earned that privilege.
Best wishes and may god have mercy on your soul. Been there, done that, and don't want to do it again!

Answer 8

You're being a good parent and your daughter is doing what any girl her age does best...
she's testing the limits and trying to make you feel guilty in the process.

Getting parents to feel guilty is like a bonus to girls her age.

They all do that- it's the beginniing of her becoming a teen-ager.

I have a little framed saying in my home -
that says-

"I'm not raising you to like me-
I'm raising you to like yourself."

Just know that it's going to get a whole tougher for quite awhile before it even begins to get easier again.

Be prepared for:
temper tantrums, door slamming,
tirades about how unfair you are
and how you're making her life a living hell.

Also be aware that she will probably expect you to buy her designer clothes and give her an increase in her allowance - not to mention driving her and all of her friends to the mall
(the hangout of today) frequently.

In return, she will not want to do ANY chores or help out around the house to earn her increased allowance. When she is 16 she will automatically expect to be able to get her driver's license and be placed on your insurance (which by the way, will make your insurance premiums skyrocket)

And-
once she has that license she will expect to be able to drive YOUR car whenever & wherever she pleases, and come to home when she feels like it.

Now-considering all of this -

Do you think you should lighten up?

Hang tough -
you're just being a good mother.

Answer 9

I was in a similar situation when I was that age. I was interested in boys and not wanting my Mother to go with me every place I went. It finally came to blows after I graduated and was working full time. I paid "rent and board", helped with laundry, cooking, dishes, bought a car, etc and felt as though I didn't have to answer to her all the time. But she kept the reins on me. I finally moved out into my own place. After about a month I went to visit my folks and everything was fine after that.
Give you daughter some space and try to understand, because of her age, she is going through quite a bit. Try to find some common ground and talk to her and really listen. Let her open up to you. I think you will find that she will be more open to you and you won't have to worry as much as you are now.

Answer 10

I am a mother of two girls, one is 32 and the other 15, neither one of my girls were allowed to go to places that could eventually get them in trouble. If they wanted to attend activities with their friends, parents or at least, a parent, had to chaperon, sometimes it meant that I went to the skating rink with a good book or crochet and supervised.Hang on to that young lady, she will be a wonderful woman and will be grateful when she is 30. For right now, just let her know that your protectiveness is because you love her and she is valuable to you. Hang in there, it DOES get easier later.