For Christian's only. What's your view on this emotional yet embarrassing query?

Question

A single guy that I know has a girl friend, they are both christian, and are committed to abstain fror sex untill they are married. They have had no form of sex, be it oral or penetration. I don't know about "petting" etc. but the bottom line is they have not had a sexual relationship. The guy said he has a desire to have sex and to find relief he resorts to private masturbation. He said that he believes that, as is indicated, to lust after a woman is to committ sin--- adultery. He said in an effort to combat this "lust" he fantasies about no particular person. He evidently does not think about his girl friend, any one he knows, or has ever seen. He wonders that since he fanttasies over a make beleive person, masturbates, and has a climax, is it still sinful or fornication? He isn't having sex with anyone or dreaming of anyone he knows but still dreams of sexual encounters to find sexual, emotional relief. I don't know what to tell him. What do you think? What should I tell him?

Answer 1

I can't answer for other faiths, but in the Catholic belief what your friend is doing is considered sinful. He isn't really combating his lust, he is in fact giving into it. The relief he feels is purely physical, which means it is robbing himself of the fullness of the sexual experience as it is meant to be felt. I daresay he feels the guilt because he seems to be taking great pains to avoid everything but the actual act itself. If he were four years old and had just discovered this part of himself, it would not be sinful. He is, however, not four years old. He has other means available to him to help himself avoid the behavior and to divert his attention to other activities/thoughts. The ten commandments are fairly simple and straightforward, they do not come with "except in this case" scenarios attached. In this case- yes he is committing the sin of adultery, albeit with himself and an imaginary person.
That said, I would tell this friend that although I can understand and sympathize with his difficulties, I can't condon them. That doesn't mean I think less of him for his confession. Seeking advice and assistance is the first step in correcting things, after all. The best person for him to talk to would be a priest, preacher,reverand, elder- or what ever from his own religious persuasion, to give him the counsel and advice he needs. In my experience, there is almost no subject these people have not heard before and the confessor is seldom if ever the first to admit the problem. If he truly feels he can't do that, I would advise him to spend more time trying to divert his attention to other matters that will help him avoid this sin and less time trying to find exceptions to the rule. I would remind him that although he is perfectly normal in his feelings - an even to some extent in his actions- he is a creature made in the image of God, not an animal driven by instincts beyond his control. Though he may not be able to control his desires, he can control what he does with them. I would congratulate him on his decision to wait, and recognize the effort it takes to control himself on that front- especially in today's world, and in spite of all the pressure he must feel to do otherwise. On the scale of major sins, I think this one is way down there- certainly not a mortal sin. I think he can resist, if he puts his mind to it. Will it be easy? No, and he won't always be sucessful. It matters more that he make serious attempts to try, at least- and with practice, it will get easier. Self-control is never easy, but then nothing worth having ever is easily gotten.

Answer 2

It is still fornication and a sin. A man`s seed should never be spent in ways that do not allow for the purpose it was intended. Purity of heart, mind and body are the higher purpose, and at his age mastery of self discipline is an extremely important life skill. Even in marriage there will be times when patience in intimacy is required.practice now.

Answer 3

I would tell your friend to pray about it with an open and obedient heart and from that prayer, God will show him the answer. Some may quote Genesis 38:8-10 and talk about Onan spilling his seed on the ground, but it is important to read that Scripture in context. In that passage, Onan was struck down for spilling his seed on the ground rather than obeying a godly order to marry and impregnate his dead brother's wife. Many believe that Onan was killed for masturbating. Others believe that Onan was killed for openly disobeying God. I personally believe that it is not my place to interpret Scripture for anyone, but I do believe that if a true believer reads the Scripture with an open and obedient heart and prays, in good faith and in good intention, for guidance, the truth will be clear.

Good luck!

Answer 4

No matter what most people may think -
Christian or otherwise -
we are - after all, ONLY human.

And God, having created us with all of our many faults and weakenesses already knows that -

When you take time to consider all of the other major mega-sins currently being perpetrated in this world by our fellow human beings, I very seriously doubt that God is going to judge your friend harshly for being human.

Tell your friend he should assume that God
is a God of Love, Compassion, Forgiveness,
and most importantly - Understanding.

Also - to paraphrase-

"Let he is without sin of any kind -
cast the first stone."

Answer 5

Yeah, that's a tough one. The Bible has very little to say about masturbation. I would think he's on the right track... if he really can't deal with the hormonal attack. Here's a little something I wrote awhile back but never found a literary home for. Maybe it'll help here.


Surrender!

Sometimes it seems that the word ‘Surrender’ has become a dirty word in America today. That’s too bad, because surrender is the only real way to find peace. It also happens to be the key to a life of true power. I don't think I really understood that until fairly recently, when, as a perceived ‘need’ to sin pressed closer to me, as it does to us all, I remembered a recent Bible study that defined worship as surrender. Surrender to God.

I remember wishing that it were as simple as that, that I could just give up and leave all responsibility for my sins to God, when suddenly a light came on in my head and I realized that I could. That in fact, this was the purpose of the Cross and Calvary. The howling need to sin that I had felt only moments before was suddenly gone, like a storm on the Sea of Galilee. I was free! Confused but grateful, I quickly went about preparing for my day.

Surrender to God. Why was this such a revelation? Throughout my life, I've heard, read, and sung these and similar words: "All to Jesus, I surrender, Lord, I give my self to thee..." But somehow, surrender to God was always a different concept from the kind of surrender one submits to on a field of battle, or when surrendering to the police, or even surrendering a game of chess. Every time we are taught to surrender to God, there is a quick insertion of: "...and you will receive...". But giving to get is not giving. It's just investing. And THAT is looking out for number one. It has nothing whatever to do with surrender.

Every Christian knows that there is "Power, power, power in the Blood", that we should be able to overcome all obstacles easily because of the power of God. But who can access this mythic power? Sure, Paul can "do all things in Christ", but let's be honest, at least with ourselves. When was the last time you flicked an unlit cigarette from your lips? When did you last put your dish away after a single course instead of refilling it with a delicious food item? If you are like me, and all humans are, there are dozens of small things you want to stop, but don't have the will power to achieve victory over. The good news here is, you don't need to. Maybe that's the real heart of the Gospel, that we truly are free now, free of sin, free of unwanted needs, free to choose life and (Oh, no... Now I'm doing it!) victory over the world and everything in it.

But that's only a side effect! The whole point is that surrender to God puts you where you belong. I might as well stop now, because I'm sounding like every other preacher/teacher/evangelist in the world. Suffice it to say, if you want to break the chains of sin in your life, get in line and enter Gods P.O.W. camp. As long as you put yourself first, no matter what you may believe, you ARE God's enemy. Surrender!

LarryH

Answer 6

And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. 10 And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.

Answer 7

sin is sin don't justify it for him. That is a good decision that they are waiting til after marriage I wish I had....

Answer 8

i would tell him many things, but they would be from a Pagan perspective and i do not think that it will help you in this situation, so they should just get married quickly.

Answer 9

it is sinful because masterbation fuels your sexual desire which shouldn't be awakened until you're married