how have you coped with being sexually abused by a family member?

Question

I am not a child... I'm nearly 39 years old...I just want to hear about other people's coping skills... and this a serious question, disgusting and insulting answers need not be written here! PLEASE.

ps... cruel answers will be reported so don't just answer this question for your 2 points.

Answer 1

I'm not sure how long ago this happened to you, but I know that I am now 28 and my mom's husband did things to me when I was 19-21. I thought about maybe pressing charges on him recently and then found that the statute of limitations laws had passed. I regret waiting. I found out last year that he did things to my other 2 younger sisters when they were like 12 and 13. The older one admits it, but the younger one still denied it to me, but the older one is now 21. I'm sure that this may not even be an answer for you. Are you a parent? Do you notice how over protective you are at times, like sleepovers and things like that? I have 3 children and I look at everyone as a potential pervert. i prefer to have their friends stay here and them never stay at their friends house. I never got therapy, the one time I tried, the doctor had me talking to her secretary everytime I went. The man was my step-father. Now, because, not just him, but other men I have encountered in my life were pervs, I've even thought for a minute that my 11 year old son would try something with my 2 year old daughter. People say to get help, but who can really help someone that has had it happen more than once and from multiple people? Men that you are supposed to be able to trust. If you get help that works....let me know. I personally have a thinking problem. Some days I'm so busy thinking that I won't eat or do the things I normally do on a daily basis. I was put on Celexa for a while. They worked great. The thing was though, I didn't need them everyday. If I felt weird I would take it, if not, I didn't. For me, that was a medication that didn't take 4-6 weeks to work. I was given a 3 months prescription, I didn't have it filled until 5 months later, so my doc said that she wasn't going to write me another one because I wasn't taking it correctly. I didn't want to become dependent on that stuff. I want to live a normal life and if taking it 3 times a week was good for me....then why not? I'll pray for you, that always helps too. Let me know how you've dealt. Keep me posted. [e-mail]

Answer 2

Therapy. See, your body remembers the abuse whether you talk about it or not. It helps to put it into perspective, i.e. were you a child when the abuse happened? Think of yourself as the age you were when it happened. I used to imagine what I would do if I saw someone abusing a girl the age I was and I noted how I would comfort, protect, and counsel her. I gave that to myself. Soon I'm starting something called "Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing." I haven't researched it yet because I don't want to taint the procedure. I do know some women who have done it and have made signifcant progress.

Answer 3

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Answer 4

I was abused for years by my stepdad...I think its harder when it's someone you love, like a father, brother, uncle, etc. I went through counseling and it helped me understand my feelings but I was still having problems with it. Then a friend at church suggested the book "The wounded heart" and it REALLY helped me work through my issues ( that were 15 years old and buried as well). It also has a workbook that goes with it...great investment.

I don't know if this book will help for you, but it really helped me and it is directed at the adult who was sexually abused as a child. Counseling is always good too, but if you are looking to get some help at home, check out this set. If you have any problem finding it, let me know and I will help. [e-mail].

Answer 5

Therapy! And do it as soon as you can find someone who works well with this problem. You are an Adult Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse. There are groups that help, too...and all the people in them have had the same trauma. Go to the bookstore and under "psychology", you will find many books on the subject. "The Courage To Heal" is a very good one. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 6

In my case it was my middle brother.. I was 8 yrs old, I am now 48. As I grew older I knew this was wrong, I confronted my brother as a child ..I said i would tell our mother, he responded he would kill us! I never told... As i got older he moved and our mother passed away . I got married, it affected my sexual life, i was too embarrassed to tell. I did not seek for therapy, I prayed that I could go on without the feeling of shame.. prayer helped. Talking about it with my closest friends helped, then my daughter was born. I promised, that she would never experience that shame. I protected her, I watched every man whether father, uncle, grandfather ,friend i watched fiercely to assure she was safe. I told her never ever to let anyone touch her in areas that a bathing suit covered. My brother managed to contact me because he was dying of throat cancer... I told him everything I felt about him, how dare he take my inocent childhood away... I poured every last drop of anger onto him. The day he died I felt relief and now I feel nothing inside. I was glad to give back to him what he imposed on me. There are no guarantee ways or style of coping... I found out my daughter was touched by her cousin , and i thought she would tell me ??? well , she carry anger toward him these days.. I confronted him , i told the family and it is an ugly thing no one want to discuss. I do discuss and they listen. My daughter is not ready to confront him . They were both young at the time. she was 10, he was thirteen. she is 24 now . I honestly believe that confronting a sexual abuser helps in the healing process, alerting family members whether they listen or not is a must..specially if there are children involved.. or alert the authorities. I honestly wish you healing, loving yourself and know in your heart this is not your fault..ever! Go to the self help section at Barnes and Nobles . There are great books ..( The woman's Book of Soul...by Sue Patton Thoele),( Something More Excavating your Authentic Self by Sarah Ban Breathnach)are books that helped me.
If you can seek counseling , that is another way to cope.
Take care of you.

Sincerely
IdaR

Answer 7

if uncles count, then i just avoid him.

When me and my cousin were about 13, we messed around with each other but neither of us considered it abuse because we both liked what we were doing, it felt great and it was a lot of fun. But our uncle found out about us by accident one day and he told us we could do it to him or he would tell our parents we were fags on each other. That went on a few more times that summer but stopped when we went back to school. But all that summer, we just tried to avoid him when we could. If he came over to the house, I ducked out the back door and went to a friends house. If me and my cousin saw him out in like a mall, we would leave. I think I was 15 the last time my uncle was over to the house, he came in the bathroom while I was taking a shower and he told me that if i made any noise he would tell my parents about me and my cousin and then he was touching me "there" even though i kept trying to duck away from him. My dad heard us and when he saw my uncle getting at me in the shower, dad got really mad and beat the crap out of him and threw him out of the house. Maybe my problems are over with him now, because we havent seen him since. That was a few years ago and dad still is mad at him. It aint the stranger that is the danger.

Answer 8

I was abused sexually by an uncle who was an alcoholic when I was young. I later get him into a treatment center and I haven't looked back. I knew that it wasn't really "him" but the drink. I hope you can overcome this too. They are not bad people, their behavior is bad: because of mental illness, drugs, drinks, etc,....Good luck to you. I still love my uncle! Kitty

Answer 9

She came to me crying and begging for forgiveness. It broke my heart to watch her upset over something I had forgiven so long ago. My Christianity helped me and I don't spend a lot of time in the past. She was 13 when she made her mistake.

Answer 10

i too want to know about the help groups available in india.