How do you cope with failure?

Question

I'm feeling completely lousy right now because I just found out that I got a D on a psychology exam. There are only three exams in total in the class- and these three tests make up 100% of our grade.

There are a couple issues I am having with this whole situation. First of all, I am a transfer student, and I was hoping that my first test at this new school would end on a more positive note. I feel like this was my chance to prove that I belong here and that perhaps I can exceed people's expectations of me. Second of all, I am a psychology major, which makes the whole "expectations" schpeel a little more prominent.

I feel like despite almost 14 years of schooling, the way I have dealt with failure (in the academic realm primarily) has never changed - I always let it linger and manifest until it eats me up inside which makes it incredibly difficult to focus on anything else. I feel like these are ... well, feelings that I can't let go right away, and it's painful to deal with.

Answer 1

Failure is always a blow to the ego. At the same time, failure builds character.

Did you ever try to approach your professors and explain to them your situation (transferee)? Perhaps you can undertake extra projects to help pull your grade.

MoonlightSea, you know your behavior. The solution is up to you- dwell in it or do something about it.

Answer 2

There is no such thing as failure - IF you learn something each time you feel like you failed. What did this experience teach you? Did you in fact study the way you should have for this exam? Could you have put more time in to the books? Perhaps it is the way in which you study especially for tests.

Examine what happened. Be honest with yourself - learn from this experience and you will be much better off than if you never failed the test.

Take responsibility - there is not some dark force outside of you that is "making" you fail your test. You are responsible. You even said, "I always let it linger and manifest until it eats me up inside which makes it incredibly difficult to focus on anything else." Hello! Do you hear yourself? "I" always let it linger - there's a clue for you.

If you continue to focus on what people think of you, that this is a new school, you might blow the chance to prove you belong in this school, that you are a psychology major and therefore you SHOULD do well, etc. you are setting yourself up to fail. Focus on your studies - keep your eye on your long term and short term goals.

Always remember that life is teaching you something every day - learn your lessons well.

Answer 3

Do you study properly for these tests by taking notes in class, using reference materials, asking the profs any questions you don't understand, and still get failing grades? Sounds as though you're nervous about taking the tests, and that affects your concentration.

But whatever the cause may be -- you sound like a very intelligent person -- you have to remember that for every success there are dozens of failures. Famous writers in the past have gotten enough rejection slips to paper their walls before they finally get a book published. Scientists undergo many failures before they discover a scientific breakthrough. The music composers of the 19th century were never recognized for their greatness until they had been dead for 100 years. You've probably heard the expressions, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again!" And, "Rome wasn't built in a day."

You're giving up too easily by considering yourself a failure. It's easier to give up and feel sorry for yourself than to pick yourself up and resolve to try harder next time. If you want to be a winner, stop thinking of yourself as a loser.

Answer 4

start by going to your instructor. be open about how you're feeling and let him/her know that you are serious about this class and want to succeed. find out why you failed the exam. go back and re-visit those issues so you can remember them next time. try to fit a study skills course into your schedule. one or two credits to learn to study properly is such a valuable investment. then, join a good study group. make sure you choose one that is well-structured with people who are serious about their education and stay on task. also, when you feel overwhelmed take a break. i have always studied in blocks. study for 20 ro 30 minutes, then take a 5 minute break to stretch and breathe. your brain can only hold so much in one sitting. tape record the lecture, if allowed. at the same time write notes in class. then paraphrase your notes and put key points on note cards. you can carry these with you everywhere you go and read thru them in every spare moment. play back the lecture tapes at home when you bathe, eat, and sleep. and last, but not least, set aside a limited time frame for a little r & r. a good student is a well-balanced student. don't be a party animal, but you have to take a little time to wind down each week or you'll go nuts.

Answer 5

Have you talked to the professor - maybe he/she has some advice on how to study for the next one. Good grades aren't usually about how inherently smart you are, they are about technique. What makes me feel better after performing poorly at something is feeling like I can improve for the next time. And you definitely have the power to do this. Also - I went to community college and transferred to a UC, and I thought I was going to die the first quarter. Going to a new school always takes some adjusting. Also, when I took the PSATs in high school, the test scores pretty much indicated that I was mentally retarded. Now I've finished a psychology masters program. Just channel your emotions into resolve to do better next time. Good luck!

Answer 6

Don't think of it as a failure but as an opportunity. Ask the professor if he/she would be willing to assign you an extra project to improve your grade. You could leave the question open and ask if there would be anything you could to to bring up your grade. This happened to me. I got to do an extra paper of my choice from a list of topics and enjoyed doing the paper. So I squeaked out a C in the course but ended up with a 3.8 GPA final average. Remember this is only one test in one course and the longer you continue the less of an impact this will have on your final average. Good luck with your academic future

Answer 7

1st it is not a failure, it is a lesson well learned if you realize what it is you did wrong, and strive to change it.

2nd- Failure is not what you fear most, it is the feeling of disappointment from those you look up to.

3r If you put 20 people in a room and ask them what they feared most, you would be surprised with the answers you would get.
Quit beating yourself up, over what should have been, or could have beens. You are stressing yourself out more thinking about it, it's called burn out. Get away from it, for 1 day, go to a lake, food, quite, sit and DO NOT Think, just enjoy the sounds of nature. Then before you open your books, see yourself in blue covering, relax, and start in.

Answer 8

Your definition of failure is off. If you get a D then you study harder. If you fail the class. You take it again, and again if necessary. Failure isn't failing a class, it's quitting and you are no quitter. Stop beating yourself up about something you can redo as many times as you need to. You are making something of yourself and that defines you as a success. Practice handling setbacks better. Consider getting a D as an opportunity to practice your balance.

Answer 9

See if you can drop the class and then retake it later. That way you get a second chance to pull your grade upl. Don't keep hitting yourself over the head if you don't have to. You're only a failure if you think you are.

Answer 10

I would talk to your professor and see if there is anything you can do to improve your grade. The worse they can say is no. For the next test, maybe join a study group...hang in there!!