Ok so me and my mom have been having issues for about 3 years now and i havent talked to her since febuary this year... well the reasons i havent talked to her is because she emtionally abused me and put me in danger many times. i have been presured to talk to her from my grandmmother and her side of the family... o and i dont live with her i love with my dad..so i just want to know do you think i am doing the rite thing?? please give me full answers.. thank you and if you have quetions email at soccerchiq0713@yahoo.com
2006-09-26 14:35:25 · 21 answers · asked by Aimee S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Just take it day to day. Only do what you think you can handle. You are not "obligated" in any way to do otherwise. Don't let others "direct" you to do anything. Find out how you feel about things first, and do only what you are going to feel good about. Feelings of guilt and obligation will give way to organized thoughts and real solutions. Talk it out with a professional counselor or close and trusted family members or friends. Believe me...you are not alone! :) I hope things go well for you.
2006-09-26 14:43:38 · answer #1 · answered by navigate100 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Go ahead and talk to her. Just don't think that she is going to beg for your forgiveness . Most likely she will deny that anything ever happened or put the blame on someone or something else. Expect that and if you do get an apology GREAT.
Here is the key for your happiness you must forgive her and not give her that space in your soul of hate. You made a Freudian slip by saying " I don't live with her I love "
If she has not changed go on with your live knowing you did the right thing you forgave her. I don't want you to have any doubts when you get older if you handled it the right way.NO What Ifs.
You have to thank her for making you a stronger person because
you survived!! I am a survivor of all kinds of abuse. I survived HELL
I can do anything,and now I control what happens to me.DO The SAME >TAKE CONTROL>GOOD LUCK<
2006-09-26 22:04:56 · answer #2 · answered by withoutaname 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
me and my mom went through some stuff you wouldnt believe a mother could do to a girl. and i mean i hated her i really did. the physical abuse, mental and emotional abuse. we made up a couple of times and it always ended up with her being so controlling and the lying. i did wrong too. i invited her and my siblings to move out to stay with me cause she was getting put out again. but when she came she made my kids feel so unwelcome in their own home and me also. well i stayed sick while she was with me and then i couldnt bare it so i gave her a 60 day notice to move enough time to find her a place my siblings were all working and they could help. to make this even shorter we didnt talk for a long time after that. i had to forgive her but then she has a way of turning things around even when you ask for forgiveness she never lets you forget it. i ended up in the hospital close to death. my mom was there every single day and night i woke up in icu i saw my mom sleeping on the chair waiting for me to open my eyes. i do love my mom but we cant live together neither can we be around too much i wish i could get back that mother daughter relationship we once had once upon a time but one thing i do know is that as i did you must forgive her to receive your blessing. i love her but with a distance. i know if it were that end that last glass of water she was giving me. cause she did when i almost died. you only have one mother and it aint easy loving them but they are the only ones you have fault and all think some people dont have the chance to say i am sorry or i forgive you or i love you. you feel so much better after you tell them that and you dont even have to say anything else to them as long as you know that is off your shoulder no matter what or how they act after that it aint on you.
2006-09-26 22:03:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell family when you are ready to face her with maturity and calm and not the anger of youth you will reach out.
Try explaining you simply don't feel strong enough to deal with your own anger/hurt/pain to understand whatever she may say and would rather wait until you can so you don't ruin any possible chance at rebuilding a relationship.
You may find they are much more receptive to that type of response and it is true. Time and maturity may give you the strength to forgive someone who simply may have her own emotional issues or wasn't prepared to be a mother at the time. Your emotions and ability to deal with such lofty ideas is not mature enough yet and it is perfectly ok to admit that as a kid even though you may feel today you know everything. Even adults still grow up and mature and learn. We don't know everything yet either.
2006-09-26 21:45:55 · answer #4 · answered by Answerkeeper 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usuallly a mother should be a womans best friend. But if what your saying is true, then I agree with you for not speaking to her. But it's really hard to say because I don't know the situation. What does your dad think? And have you had any counseling about this? It might do you some good. You can talk to a school counseler. Good luck.
2006-09-26 21:40:22 · answer #5 · answered by Rairia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You MUST forgive her, for your own emotional health. You should check to see if she's okay now and then because if something happens you will be burdened with an unbearable guilt. Make an attempt and if it doesn't feel right then you know you tried. Do NOT do it because you are being pressured, do it because it is the right thing to do.
Can you call or email instead of seeing her in person? Emailing is great therapy!
2006-09-26 22:31:36 · answer #6 · answered by mickeyg1958 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how old you are or what the situation is, so it is difficult to answer your questions. How did your mom emotionally abuse you or put you in danger.
I think agreeing to talk to your mother is a wise choice. Perhaps you can work out the problems from your past and move on. If not, at least you tried, and you will never wonder later in life if you should have gone to talk to her. No matter how bad she is, she is still your mother.
Why not talk to your dad and tell him your feelings. Perhaps he can help you decide.
I hope everything works out for you.
2006-09-26 21:42:04 · answer #7 · answered by Judy S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should not be pressured into talking to her. If you stay in that abusive relationship it can hurt the relationship you have with others and worst it can hurt the relation you will have with your husband to be and kids. People that are telling you to speak to her is talking out of emotions, and not what is best for you. With time hopefully your mother gets inner peace. I would explain to your family that you need time to heal, time to forgive him, and time to get your own inner peace. I wish you the very best because you are on the path to become a better person than your mother.
2006-09-26 21:44:33 · answer #8 · answered by Errolyn27 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I might be the odd one out that says you don't have to talk to your Mother if you don't want to. Especially if there's past issues with trust or abuse. If you are being pressured to talk to your Mom, find out why they want you to talk to her. Maybe your Grandmother, being older, wants to see the family be together and getting along. If you do make the attempt to meet with your Mother, make sure you are ready to do so. You might have to leave the past in the past. It could be a time to start a new relationship with your Mom. If you are still unsure or uneasy about the situation, maybe you can bring someone with you that is very level headed that knows your past relationship with your Mom. They can lend support in a tough time.
It all really boils down to you making the decision. But make the choice that makes you feel comfortable. And who knows, in time you might heal the relationship. I wish you all the luck.
2006-09-26 22:32:28 · answer #9 · answered by Bexcy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, because I am unaware of the circumstances of how your mother ‘emotionally abused you’ and ‘put you in danger many times’ I can’t really comment on that side of things.
Does your mum have ‘alcohol’ or ‘drug-related’ problems?
Was her ‘putting you in danger’ the result of you being neglected as the result of alcohol/drug-related problems?
Do you love your mum?
Are you prepared to accept her for the faults she may have?
I’m not going to suggest that you ‘bow to pressure’ and contact your mother…
It should be left for you to decide whether you want to contact her or not !
She is your mother… With all her faults, I’m sure she truly does love you !
I don’t believe it would hurt for you to contact her occasionally, just to find out if she is alright, and to let her know that you think of her.
She may have put you in danger many times…
But I am sure there were many times when she loved and cared for you as well !!!
Sorry… but I am going to have to leave the decision as to whether you should contact your mum, up to you to make.
It is a decision you should make without any pressure from anyone else !
Good luck !!!
2006-09-26 21:44:03 · answer #10 · answered by I_C_Y_U_R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋