is it jealousy, low self esteem, is this normal?

Question

i have a big problem when it comes to boyfriends fancying/eyeing up/ liking other girls. am i wrong for thinking it's a hideous thing to do to someone when you're in love? my boyfriend told me i need self esteem and that he loves me, but he doesnt know what else i want from him.
im just confused with why i feel like this, so deeply and painfully. of course, people's beliefs and morals are there own, no one can change that or say it's wrong. but does anyone else feel how i feel? if so, how do you cope with it in a relationship?
i just feel, its like "visual infidelity" as it were. same thing with porn, i feel that way about a boyfriend watching it.

cheers for any responses.
x

Answer 1

just do the same as him.look at men. window shopping is natural hun

Answer 2

The likelihood is that you do the same, however when in a relationship, women generally are less obvious.

If this is the only thing that is wrong with your relationship, then clearly you lack confidence in yourself, and do not believe that your boyfriend can possibly love you, with all those other women out there.

Competition, real or not will always be present.

Jealousy is a natural feeling arising out of love for someone as is true of hate also. They are all incredibly strong emotions that most of us experience at some time.

What is more important is how we manage those feelings and not place too much responsibility for them on to the people we love.

As your relationship strengthens and deepens, you will both find it easier to discuss (not a one-way fight) how they affect each of you individually and to your relationship.

Don't give up, he clearly loves you and not the others.

Answer 3

I'm a very jealous person and also find it hard to trust men as they`ll always let me down and broke my heart,my recent ex was the same a nice guy but a flirt altho he says he wouldn't cheat on anyone it drove me crazy as it looked like he was all over other girls on the net who were younger and prettier than me...i feel this lead to him breaking up with me so Ive learn ed a lesson there innocent until pr oven guilty try and think that way and curb your jealousy cause you may just push him away and when you in love the last thing you want to do it make them fall out of love with you...believe me i know

Answer 4

It is natural for a man to notice an attractive woman and single guys especially are blind to the need for self control in this area. Alot of men really only learn to truly respect their woman after they are married and some never really do. I wouldn't get too serious with a guy who isn't interested in protecting your feelings and watching out for you. To an extent it's totally normal - I mean he can't wear blinders but gawking and eyeing other women up and down or looking into her cleavage without even blushing is a whole different story. It's your eyes he should be primarily looking into on a date, not another woman's hips or whatever.

If this is the gawking looking into other women's cleavage and looking a woman up and down to study her features.... it has nothing to do with your self esteem - it's a guy being a pig. You want to be someone's Cinderella - most girls do. You've got a guy with an ego too big for himself. It would be normal to feel like you're just another token of the available possibilities. It is like visual infidelity and some women - like to tease men with their appearance or they wouldn't do it. They are just as gross and the men who drool at them. This is very superficial behavior and I wouldn't personally take it. There is a guy out there who will treat you better than this.

I've met guys like this and sad to say - they are usually off to the next conquest - someone they perceive has "more" of whatever they want to look at than you do.

I met a woman who was totally flirting with my husband when we were newly married and well - he couldn't help but notice - I mean she had boobs the size of triple D and wore the tightest sweater imaginable when she met with us for dinner - prefacing this "get together" that she wanted to get to know me. Right on.........anyway - I let him know how I felt and he respected my feelings and wanted to make things right in our relationship so he didn't pursue a friendship with her any longer.

If you're guy really loves you - he'll learn to respect your feelings. If not - he may not be worth it. He should never tell you that you have low self esteem - he's only damaging your emotions just by saying that when he should be building you up and noticing YOUR best features!

Answer 5

You're insecure is all, and the only way you'll stop being insecure is by becoming secure in what you've got - that's you as in you yourself, not just the relationship you've got with your boyfriend.

I've never quite understood why people are against their partners watching porn, though I'm guessing it stems from the same kind of insecurities that makes them panic when a gorgeous member of the appropriate sex happens to walk past.

Answer 6

You just have to learn to accept that every guy finds other woman attractive, as do woman find other guys attractive. It's not really low self esteem you're dealing with but the need to feel secure in your relationship, which hopefully will correct itself in time as you form a lasting bond together. Unfortunately you have to get through alot of ups and downs to get there. When you make it through tough times, it is a test of love and then jealously no longer exists.

Answer 7

The thing is, it's possible that you're insecure about your relationship with this guy. Watch his actions and listen to his words. If he's checking out other girls, it's possible he's lost interest. My suggestion would have to be to leave him and live life single for a while. When you get comfortable with the world around you, Start dating again. I'm just suggesting. It's up to you.

I can only open the door, You have to step through it.

Answer 8

luv i was like it for years,jealousy it is a thing we all go through,it sounds like you are lacking confidence,after 37 years of marrage you realize,the thing is he is going to stray he will no matter what,you say you know wont cheat on you,trust him i know it is hard i have been there,the thing is it can make you drift apart,deep down you are probably thinking the other girls did more for him than you are doing in more ways than one and they are better looking than you,he would still be with them if it is them he wanted,he is with you know,no one else and it is you he wants,he sounds a good bloke and you say he is understanding,that tells you a lot,dont waste the your time together thinking all these things enjoy your time with him,all men look it is natural dosnt mean they will touch i do know how you feel good luck and all the best

Answer 9

I wont say perfectly normal but many women and men do it.Jealousy stems from insecurities maybe u need to tell ur boyfriend about all ur fears and if he could try to help u overcome ur fears.If u really love ur boyfriend then trust is apart of that love.If u are walking down the street and see a hunk of a guy arent u gonna stare that doesnt mean ur going to have a rip roaring affair with him its human nature to be possessive of wat we consider ours.But u really need to trust him or ur insecurities will drive him away.

Answer 10

well, the only real thing you can do is trust them. The worst thing that happens, they betray your trust. It may hurt, but you must not give up. You'll one day find the guy who is totally right for you, who you can trust without inhibition. Don't worry, I feel the same way sometimes. Ya need help, just talk to me or your friends about it.

Answer 11

If Love Would Not Exist, Jealousy Would Not Exist either.

People who "trust" their boyfriends/girlfriends too Much always end up getting Cheated on. Thats what they get for trusting too much.
So Trust your partner to a point. but Dont Completetly Trust.