First of all i am 19 and he is 25. Ok, here is the deal, me and my fiance fight and argue a lot anymore. Tomorrow makes 11 months that we have been togeter. Almost every night we end up arguing on here bc we dont live together and im deaf and dont use the phone. Well when we argue i get to the point where i just want to hurt myself. No hitting ever happends. Its usually me who always gets mad. My fiance told me that i get mad when things dont go my way, i dont know if that is true because i dont pay attention to myself. I have a quick temper and I need someone to help me out like tell me how can i stop getting so upset over small stuff. I am so scared I am going to lose him but he keeps telling me I am the only one for him. I am just tired of arguing and fighting all the time. Can someone please help with out being mean and rude? Id really be happy if i could stop getting so angry so quickly and have a normal relationship. So someone please im begging u please help.
2006-09-26 11:48:46 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Maybe the answer you should ask yourself is why you continue to get so angry. It's normal to be upset in a fight, but if it hinders you from resolving the current conflict, then fights just continue to pile up until it is a mountain of unresolved issues. It probably also doesn't help that he has 6 years more of relationship experience then you may not have; thus, he maybe able to stay calmer in a fight then you.
It is also possible that your fear of losing him is always in the back of your head when you are fighting, contributing to your getting more and more upset. Trust in the strengths of your relationship and your own self worth that you have value to him as he has value to you, may improve things.
Regardless, a tried and true tip is take a break from a fight to cool down. Walk away for an hour. If necessary literally take a walk around the block. Let your significant other know that you need an hour to cool down, so they aren't left in the dark, but that you need a moment to clear your head. This allows you time to think about what you want to say, whether it is helpful to the both of you or simply hurtful, and if it really communicates what you wish to express.
2006-09-26 12:09:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I fight all the time with my crush, and he's just a crush! I have a quick temper too (probably due to the Irish...), and get REALLY pissy when I'm PMSing or if they catch me on a night when I drink red wine (Je suis francaise...^^). Everyone has their fights, and they're normally over the stupidest things in the world. My friend tells me that my crush and I are like an old married couple on the subjects we fight over. My advice is do what I'm trying to do: cut down on the cussing if you do, I find that REALLY helps temper problems, and if you're religious then you can do the sign of the cross everytime you do cuss, especially if you say that "H" word that isn't to be used except in description of the devil. Try to take it slow with the fights, and don't get so upset, even if it feels like he's pushing your buttons. If he gets on your back like that about "doesn't go your way", tell him that's not true and stuff like that is so uncalled for. If you two truly love each other, you shouldn't be clawing at each others hearts like this. If you find it doesn't work out the way you want it to, love might not be for you. I know it's hard to get over a relationship in those cases, but what has to be done must be done sometimes, it's life. Hope my advice helps. Good luck!
2006-09-26 18:57:15 · answer #2 · answered by Karana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Open the phone book, look under Therapists, and make an appointment. If you are constantly arguing or angry, and thinking about hurting yourself, you're definitely in need of professional help. (don't worry about the cost - most therapists are willing to work on a sliding scale.) Consider couples therapy or a general psychologist.
You should definitely try living together before you get married, and make an effort to communicate in person more instead relying on the written word. (If he doesn't know sign language by now, he should definitely learn it before you get married).
Please seek counseling right away. Don't wait for things to get worse. best wishes.
2006-09-26 18:56:58 · answer #3 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, go get counseling. it helps. it really does.. See what gets you mad so easy, catch it, and fix it. if you dont. it won't fix itself and it will get worse. talk to your boyfriend about it. He will understand. Ask him to help you with it. Go to counseling with you or something. GL!
2006-09-26 18:54:40 · answer #4 · answered by xoaligatoxo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow you have a lot on your plate.
2006-09-26 18:51:28 · answer #5 · answered by Kenya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what r the arguement about calm down and talk it over!
2006-09-26 18:55:19 · answer #6 · answered by ~Niecee~ âË» âË» ♂ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
SEEK COUNSELING NOW! DO NOT WAIT ANOTHER MINUTE!
2006-09-26 18:51:06 · answer #7 · answered by tko43078 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋