Who agrees with this?

Question

Is it important to have some financial security if you have children? I was a stay at home mom for nearly 2 years. I'm having disagreements with my mother in law because I'm making sure I finish college. She doesn't think I need know but I KNOW I have to. My reasons are that if my fiance decides to eventually leave me with our 2 children, I will be financially stable enough to raise our kids on my own. Don't get me wrong, we both love each other very much and have no problems besides the ocassional spat. I just want to make sure I'm don't end up the way a lot of other women do. Is this an important thing to do?

I'm not in school at this exact moment. Long story short, ater going through a year we started having money problems so I quit and went to work full time. She was complaining when I was enrolled before and she's complaining now that I'm saving to go back next year. The way I see about it is why should I waste the 10 college credits that I do have?

I plan to be a registered nurse.

Answer 1

I agree with you because I lived through this. Not as the spouse, but as the child.

My father left my Mom after 19 years of marriage. She never worked during those 19 years, and then suddenly she had to start working. She hadn't finished college because she decided to stay home and raise her children. My sisters didn't see how much my Mom suffered after my dad left because they were too little, but I was old enough to see how worried she was, and how hard it was for her to get a job and start paying bills. We had to change schools, move in with our Grandma, sell almost everything in order to make ends meet.

After seeing my Mom go through all that, I made sure that I finished college, even got my Master's, so that would never happen to my children. I've been married for almost 6 years and have no major problems (thank God), but just in case, I know that I can take care of my baby.

Go for it and finish your degree, no matter what your mother in law says. You'll be glad you did.

Answer 2

There are many reasons why you should continue your education. Not only are you setting an excellent example and being a role model for your kids but you securing your future. What happens after the kids move out? You may want to pursue that dream career you put off so that you could raise your family... the education you are getting now will help that. Maybe you can approach your mother-in-law-to-be with those reasons. I do agree that EVERY woman needs to have financial security for her family in case the unthinkable happens (whether its divorce or a death). I have seen my father divorce 2 woman who were stay at home moms.. so while you shouldn't think about you continuing your education as a means to protect your self and family in case of future events such as a divorce (some people including your fiance may take it differently than you mean) you should definitely do it. It wont be easy with 2 kids but it is possible and very rewarding. I wish you all the best!!

One more thing: Don't argue with your mother-in-law-to-be about it. Simply state that you feel finishing college will serve as an excellent example for your children and while you want her to support this decision you will continue to go to college whether or not she agrees with it so there is no point in arguing about it anymore. Than quickly change the subject to a lighter note. Good Luck

Just read your additional details: You should be able to get some sort of financial aid at least until you are married. Try the Pell Grant or financial aid through the college. If you need to keep working full time and still want to go back to school just take a couple classes a semester and online courses are a blessing for working moms. I've been there done that. At 27, I finanlly got my bachelors (Im a single mom with 2 kids and woked full time the whole time in college)... Just stay focused and dont let your finances mother get you down.

Answer 3

Absolutely girl. You are doing the right thing. Even if the relationship is good now, it's still very easy for men to just take off and not think about what it takes to care for children. And even if everything stays good there is no reason why you should not have a education behind you. we are not in the old days when women did not have educations and only lived to care for the men and children. this way you can contribute to the future of your family as much as he does and it sets good examples for the children. Your mother in law is wrong. Is your fiance a mommas boy. If so then it won't matter what you do because you will never be good enough for her little boy. good luck with that.

Answer 4

Go back to school, and make sure you study something where you're garanteed to get a job right after you're done. Don't go for social work or something that doesn't get the bills paid - you'll make just as much being a massage therapist part time! Try a health science or buisness.
As soon as I found out I was pregnant I began a doctorate program for this very reason. In a couple years I'll be averaging 60-80K a year as a pediatric physical therapist and if I'm ever left a single mom i know I wont have to struggle.

Answer 5

You are very right to do this, keep going and don't let anyone talk you out of it. There is never a garantie attached to a relation ship and you never know what comes up with the years, or what if your fiance gets in an accident and gets hurt or gets sick? Who is going to pay the bills? And the kids grow up and you can make a second income to put away for college and your retirement, there are so many reasons to finish your education that I really can't understand why your MIL would not like it, I would be more than proud and happy to have a daughter-in-law like you, good luck

Answer 6

Yes you are doing the right thing. Nothing is a guarantee in life so its better if you are prepared just incase. I'm going back to school next year also and I have 2 kids. I don't think that my mother in law likes it either but I honestly don't care. They are my children and if something happens whos going to support them fiancially. This way I know that I can and if nothing happens then I can put the money away for college for them or whatever. More women should do what you and I are doing. Your doing what you think is best for you and your children incase something would happen. Yes that is very important. Defintely go back.

Answer 7

I think an education is important regardless of marital status or the fact you have children or not. If finishing college is something you want to do you should not let anything stop you, especially a mother-in-law. I'm sure your fiance will be happy that your college education will allow you to bring extra income into your household in the future. As long as your children are well taken care of, and you and the father spend time with and raise them, you should feel free to pursue your dreams and further your education.

Answer 8

Your mother-in-law should not be your determining factor here, it should be discussed between you and your husband. If he hasnt voiced his opinion, then you should do what you think is right.
There must be some other factors in play here that we dont know, but if you are living like the rest of America, from pay check to pay check then your doing just fine so finish up with your schooling. If you are struggling, then maybe you might consider backing off the schooling a little and take on a part time job to help out the family. Money is a large part of family stress.

Answer 9

Yes it's very important i think a lot of other single moms should've done that, be smart and think about ur kids, and ur kids only, ur mother in law has nothing to do with this and it's for ur kids, and u always have to do the best for them, cause if he does leave u'll have ur own career to support them on your own. I hope i've been of some help, if not just think what would be the best for your babies. And good luck with school if u decide to go back.

Answer 10

You are absolutely right! Besides being able to be financially independent, having a degree and a career, not just a job, will make you feel great.

I don't see what she's mad about. Did you tell her it's in case you and her son don't work out?

By the way, I'm in the same situation... SAHM going to school off and on part time. I know when my kids are grown I'll be miserable, so I'm partly doing it so I won't be so sad when they move out! At least I'll have my job to keep me busy!