OK, I'm totally in love with my girlfriend. She was my best friend for 3 years up until 2 months ago when we became romantically involved. I know I'm in love with her - I never stop thinking about her and she's so amazing.
Anyhow, I know for a fact she's not the "type" to let me know when she's ready for us to have sex. I don't want to actually ask her, because that seems pushy and I don't want to force her or anything. I only ask the question because if she DOES want to take the next step, I know she still won't tell me but I don't want to just try if she's not prepared or willing yet.
I'm just confused. She's so adorable and lovely that I'd never push her into anything, I just know she's not going to tell me when she's ready and I can't mind-read whether she wants too or not and it's not worth taking a risk and losing her respect.
Asking her seems out of the question just in case she takes it as me "forcing" her and I never want that to occur! I love her too much!
2006-09-26 10:28:47 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well, how did you guys handle communication when you were simply friends? That's the real issue here -- how, as a couple, will you guys handle communication about important things?
There's no "type" to let you know when she's ready for sex. It's good that you don't want to push her into anything she isn't ready for, but you also need to let her become an adult and make her own decisions, and be responsible for them. It's isn't disrespectful to believe that she is capable of knowing her own mind, and letting you know what she wants, or doesn't want.
It's okay to tell her that you love her, and want to have sex, but that you don't want to take that step until she's really sure that she's ready and it's what she wants, too.
Someone who can't say what she wants directly isn't mature enough to handle sex, or its consequences. That's not a dig - everyone matures at different speeds. Let's face it, birth control isn't 100% effective, so every time you have sex, pregnancy is a possibility, and someone who isn't ready to handle that fact isn't ready to have sex.
If your sense of her (and you should certainly know after 3 years of friendship) is that she isn't ready to know her own mind on this issue, tell you what she wants, and handle the possible outcome, then best you bide your time and let her grow up a bit.
You can't control how she feels or what she thinks, but if you treat her with respect, you will be worthy of hers. You shouldn't have to go out and buy a crystal ball, however - mind-reading is for carnivals, not as part of a healthy relationship. Good luck!
2006-09-26 10:37:37 · answer #1 · answered by peculiarpup 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're old enough to be having sex, then she should be comfortable enough with you to tell you. If you're right in thinking that she would never tell you, then be a man and ask. If you're uncomfortable asking the person you love and care about if she's ready, then you are not ready to have sex. It's that simple.
I'm not saying next time you see her just blurt out "so when are we going to have sex?", instead, next time you two are kissing/fooling around casually ask her to let you know when she is ready to take the next step (and make sure she knows that you are NOT pressuring her, that you care for her no matter what and are willing to wait until SHE is ready)
2006-09-26 10:35:19 · answer #2 · answered by The Guru 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If yall are romantically involved, I'm just assuming that yall are doing other things sexual. Just take steps. one thing at a time. an when yoyou are down to it you should be able to tell if she wants to. But just in case ur not sure, ask her. Your not pressuring her by asking her. Do u feel pressured to get a glass of lemonade if someone offers it, if you don't want it? She will tell you. OR sit down in a non-sexual situation and discuss the issue. Don't give your views, just ask hers. ask how she feels about it. Casual conversation never hurt anyone.
2006-09-26 10:39:03 · answer #3 · answered by britt333 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are freaking out about nothing. All you have to do is let things happen. Your putting way too much thought into it. Just start kissing and see where it takes you. If you go to far she will stop you. Just don't be jerk about it when and if she does because you have to understand that the anticipation is half the fun. Let her know you totally understand and if she ever feels like what your doing together is going to far , just let you know. Let her know you want her to be comfortable. Just keep going by kissing and see where it takes you.
2006-09-26 10:34:10 · answer #4 · answered by lunitari601 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh my god these religious types really know how to make you feel bad hey?
Ill bet those negative hell and sin answers really helped!
IF shes anything like me shell be a bit shy but once you get things going itll all be fine. Just be sensitive, you dont have to contantly ask if shes ok etc? Just once or twice and youll be able to tell by her body language. Just dont push it.
Have fun
2006-09-26 10:36:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why can't there be more guys like you!? Anyway, I can relate to your girlfriend, I would not make the first move (I always wait for "him"). If you are soo worried about giving her the wrong idea, be aloof and not pushy. For example: next time you are cuddling put your feet over hers.
2006-09-26 10:42:13 · answer #6 · answered by bree 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you never discuss it, then it'll never be discussed.
I'd say that you might want to consider talking about it at a time when you are not being intimate, so that it's not a confrontational discussion (like while you're making out).
Pick a time when you are just hanging and make it real low-pressure.
also make it clear that you are just wondering, but that you aren't trying to pressure her.
2006-09-26 10:32:05 · answer #7 · answered by drsteve362005 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep respecting her and give her time, if she hasn't shown you any signs then her mind is on friendship for now , maybe she wants to get to know you better. If you really like her wait, she is probably worth waiting for. If you think she is ready, then kiss her passionately, and see what comes next.
( GOOD LUCK W/ LOVE) IT IS HARD TO FIND...
2006-09-26 10:40:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u will just know if you really wnat to find out okan a realy super romantic evaning and have it end up with a realy sapy romantic movie at ur place
2006-09-26 10:32:31 · answer #9 · answered by pjg898 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you guys are messing around and she tells you that shes ready if she doesnt say anything dont do anything.
2006-09-26 10:30:54 · answer #10 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋