I dated someone for 5 months in an other State, he knew I was having financial problems, and when I told him I found a job in other State and decided it was best for me to move for the summer he said he loved me and he wanted me to move in with him when I get back, he said that would help me financially and I could get back on my feet. now that I'm supposed to go back I'm really confused about it, I lived with someone before him and he cheated on me, I'm afraid to get hurt again. he drinks alot sometimes and also I spent a week with him and for something really stupid one day he just got really angry yelling at me in front of his friends didn't even let me say a word, the next day he apoligized to me saying he was too drunk. I believe in giving second chances, because I do love him. but am I fooling myself thinking this was just a one time thing? is he gonna yell at me and slam doors every time something doesn't turn out he's way? please tell me what you think! I don't know what to do
2006-09-26 10:01:09 · 20 answers · asked by spanishqueen39 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
NO! do not move in with him. Regardless of your past, it’s a mistake to move in with this guy.
1. You dated five months & it looks like most of it was from long distance. You don’t know the real him. You both are in that “honeymoon phase” where you’re both still on your best behavior and too smitten to see red flags like the ones you write about.
2. He blew up at you in front of his friends because you did something stupid? How do you suppose he’ll handle his anger when he’s totally comfortable with you & you’re alone? Yes, you’re fooling yourself that this was a one-time thing.
3. He drinks a lot? Another BIG red flag.
4. He will be supporting you (at least partially). That’s a lot of power to hand over to a guy that drinks a lot and yells at you. You can get through the financial difficulties on your own.
Honestly, you aren't confused about this, on some level, you see the red flags, know it's too soon to move in and don't want to do it.
2006-09-26 10:27:00 · answer #1 · answered by Celt 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I just moved to the state my bf lives in and it was after 3 months. We met online through a dating site and talk everyday. I visited him 3 times and my parents went with me 2 of the times. I currently live with his parents til I find a job. We've been together for 5 months now and known eachother for 6mo. We'd like to get married but aren't ready yet. I don't think you should move in with him. Spend some more time with him, especially since what happened. My boyfriend drinks too but he's never been out of control or hurt me in the process. You need to find out how much he drinks and if he has a problem with it or not. Those are very important things going on in your relationship and you don't know if it will get worse or not if you move in. That's a bad situation. Especially if you haven't been around him face to face very much. Really think about what you need to do. He sounds like he has issues.
2006-09-26 10:07:11 · answer #2 · answered by Mel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to go with what you have already seen. Things will only go downhill from now on. You saw what his character is like so why are you willing to give someone like that a chance. A man that truly loves you would never do anything to hurt you. You might get caught up in circle of violence that you won't be able to get out of and you will end up just another statistic of battered women.
2006-09-26 10:05:20 · answer #3 · answered by Pinolera 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I should leave him !
when people drink they get violent, ok hes yelling at you saying the next day he was to drunk that hes sry for yelling at you.
Next its gonna be him hitting you saying he was to drunk that hes sry he didnt know what the hell he was doing. And that these things would never happen again.
And for him cheating on you .. you should have drawn the line and left him there and then! Once a cheater always a cheater! What he told you he was sry and it would never happen again right? Wrong!
If he loved you that much and wanted to move in with you and move things forward he wouldn't be treating you like this.
And you guys moving in together after what happened all ready you should already know its not gonna work out your gonna end up finding who knows what in the bed room that doesnt belong to you and having his drinking get out of controll.
2006-09-26 10:13:46 · answer #4 · answered by katiy n 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Living with someone will only amplify whatever annoying behaviors they have because you'll in close proximity to them 24/7. Just ask yourself if you want to take the chance that it will happen again.
Besides, there's nothing that says you can't move in with him at some point in the future if you don't do it right away.
2006-09-26 10:04:17 · answer #5 · answered by Mongo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U know exactly what too do . .U just want someone from the outside to tell you what u already know.. The warning signs are there.. He is a DRUNK.. and a CONTROL FREAK.. Keep your job and your sanity.. Stay in your own place,, dont move in with him.. You will be right back to where u started from NOWHERE,, GO with your head, be smart,, Live alone.. Be your own person.. Good Luck.!!!!!!!!!
2006-09-26 10:27:27 · answer #6 · answered by tess 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trust your instincts.
Stay away from this man. You will never change him and his violent behaviour will get worse when he doesn't have to try so hard with you. He's cheated once and he'll do it again.
You know all this anyway. You just need to know what it is that holds you to him so you can work out what you need in a man. You got a job so keep your self respect and find someone who truely treasures you and doesn't frighten you.
2006-09-26 10:06:23 · answer #7 · answered by Dancemomma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ummmmmmmmmmmm
I don't think it wise to move in with someone you don't know that well.
It is important as a woman to be able to stand on her own and not compermise herself by living with a guy who drinks too much and who publically throws a fit. You have seen a tip of the iceberg. He is controlled around you becasue you aren't around him all that much. Can you imagine what it would be like if you lived with him and he got mad. I would bet you would be hit and maybe worse.
Loving him isn't a reason for you to risk your scanity and satety.
As women we love men and think we need to totally sacrfice ourselves for them. That is a fairytale. As women we need to take good care of ourselves and expect the men in our lives to be matrue and grown up. Not drunks & verbally abusive.
Yes, you are fooling yourself and you know it.
The guy needs some psychological help and you need to love yourself enough to NOT be with a guy like that.
2006-09-26 10:12:56 · answer #8 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not go live with someone who uses drinking as a excuse,, take responsibility your ones actions,,
dump him and move on,, there are alot of good guys looking for a hot chick like you
2006-09-26 10:03:30 · answer #9 · answered by Glimmer__Man1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dont move in with him hes probably gonna get drunk a lot and yell at you and later it could be worse than that so my advice would be move in with a friend or something
2006-09-26 10:04:12 · answer #10 · answered by Jessica A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋