I love my boyfriend, what should I do?

Question

I love my boyfriend to pieces..I broke it off in sunday for many reasons..I want to get my past problems together first so they don't get in the way anymore of our relationship and he has more problems than I do especially with intimacy because he was molested from 6-13 and hardly wants to have sex and rejects me whenI want toI get upset emotionally when it comes tot his and other thingsI still have post trauma that I have been dealing with from an abusive relationship.it has been coming out more and more in the realtionship and I want to get better so we dont have to argue more and become stronger, I need to take care of me and I can't do that when I am trying to take care of him and his problems and everything else. I am alwyas making the plans, he doenst like to go out much and I do, he loves me and I know it and I do to, but it is wearing on me for now..so I told him I need a break for now until I feel better and he is not taking it well and making it look like I am selfish

Answer 1

Healing yourself would be the greatest gift you could give to your boyfriend (or future partner). I would highly recommend finding a therapist who specializes in the treatment of trauma. When someone has experienced a lot of trauma, their central nervous system is constantly activated. It can be difficult to regulate emotions, and they may feel anxious and unsafe much of the time. There are various techniques that a trauma specialist can use to help discharge some of that stored traumatic energy (that lives in the body). Such techniques include EMDR http://www.emdr.com/q&a.htm and Somatic Experiencing http://www.traumahealing.com/registry.html

Good luck. You both deserve help and support.

Answer 2

It sounds like he's the one being selfish. What your are doing is the right thing for both of you. Take this time and concentrate on yourself and solving your problems. He can do whatever with this time, but if he doesn't try to resolve his own issues I wouldn't go back with him when you do resolve your own. Good luck and God bless!

Answer 3

no your doing the right thing, you really need to just take care of (yourself) untill things in your head have been worked,out!it's going to take along time to heal,as it will for him,as well! ide say this,stay loving,friends,forget about the Sex part till you (both) have had time to work thru your problems, if you must ,go to fredricks of hollywood, and get your self some toy's, to satisfey your needs, i had to go thru the same thing when i was young, i coudent handle any relationship,untill i had,had time to heal, if the Love you two have for each other is Real,time will not be a deciding factor in your next step! good luck hun

Answer 4

IF YOU REALLY DO LOVE HIM, THEN GO BACK. I THINK IT'S THAT HE NEEDS YOU AND DOES LOVE YOU. HE HAS BEEN THROUGH A LOT AND YOU JUST HAVE TO WORK TOGETHER ON THEM IF YOU REALLY WANT THE RELATIONSHIP TO WORK. TRY TO TALK TO HIM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE AND COMMUNICATE WELL. ME AND MY BOYFRIEND ARE IN A KINDA SIMILAR SITUATION. WE BOTH HAVE PROBLEMS AND PAST TRAUMA AND WE WORK THROUGH THEM, WE HAVE BROKE UP BEFORE AND REGRETED IT. WHEN I WAS HAVING PROBLEMS HE HAD A FRIEND THAT KEPT ON TELLING HIM TO LEAVE ME AND HE WOULDN'T DO IT, CAUSE HE UNDERSTOOD AND SHE DIDN'T. THE BEST ANSWERS ARE FROM PEOPLE THAT KNOW WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM.

Answer 5

dont do that!!! im telling you. i made the same mistake with a mna that i love to death because i felt like we needed a break becasue of all the things that were going on with the realtionship. well i made a wrong move becasue when i was ready to go back it didnt work he still may love you but no one is going to wait on you. go back tohim and work out ewhats going on dont take the easy way out okay?

Answer 6

You are not being selfish. I think if he steps back he will see that you are doing both of you a favor. He needs to work on his problems and you need to work on yours. I hope that both of you resolve your problems and find your way back to each other. Good Luck!

Answer 7

You two are in love. If you two are meant to be, love can concur all. Just do what makes the both of you happy. When you are in love with or love someone, doesn't that someone's emotion affect yours as well?

Answer 8

yes i think you are...
if you love him..., you will accept him the way he was....
and if you both have a problem.. you both need to work it out...
relationship run that way....
you need to share everything...
i'm not saying that is all your fault, but you need to understand him.... and he also need to understand you....
if you really love him try your best to help him, abd understand him..., if you think that you love him, but you really aren't in-love w/him..... just let him go... and find you a guy who can gives all your needs as a women...

Answer 9

I think you did the right thing - It's hard to deal with people with that type of emotional baggage.