What is the definition of a good father?????

Question

Have two children who do not see there dad because he is not consistent, takes drugs and was violent in our relationship. His new partner who is now apparently an ex but also has a child whom he left her with, has said that my kids should see him and i should allow it, and not make him suffer(even though he has hit, emotionally messed me up etc etc) So I need to know the definition of a good father, to reassure myself.

Answer 1

Good father:

Someone who treats his children with respect, would do anything for them, including risk his own life for theirs. A good father is also someone who wants to be with his children.

So if he is asking to see them, I would consider it... if not then don't let him.

Answer 2

I'm a step dad (though I hate the expression) married to the mother of two children, and we have a child of our own.

RM has to my mind hit the answer on the head - I explained my situation to put some context to my views. As a "step", the one thing that hurts the children most is the unreliability or no-shows, late shows, or late cancellations. As adults we accept these things even though they are indicative of a lack of respect or manners, but to a child it is a big deal. Strangely, broken promises over hoildays, big days out etc aren't as important as not turning up. So trivial as it may seem, this is a good start point for being a good father.

On the bigger picture, like I say, RM and others seem to me to be right, good fathers are fun, disciplined, know what is right an wrong for a child even if the child can't see it - are role models. Good fatherhood isn't weekend trips to the zoo, its equiping a child for life.

You will need to go with gut feel in the end, and "trial runs" don't really work as they create an expectation in the child's mind that will not come to fruition is the trial fails.

One other thing to consider. Parental influence, especially fathers, has an enduring influence into adulthood. Unfortunately, I know people (eg my wife and her siblings) who had a outwardly good relationship with their father but actually have been emotionally scared. Be very careful to ensure the father is up to it. Loving his kids is not sufficient qualification to be a good dad.

Answer 3

You know you are right don't you ?? you just need to be sure.Listen to your own intuition, you are a good mum, one good parent is better than two bad ones. Their father is not a good dad if he emotionally upsets you or is violent towards you that affects the children.
A good dad puts his children first, and shows them how much they mean to him.
Remembers birthdays and Christmas.
Never shows aggression in front of the children.
Spends quality time with them on regular basis.
Keeps his promises and ALWAYS turns up when he should.
Does not drink or take drugs when it is a day to see the children.
tries to make his children proud of him, not ashamed.
It is better to be sure your children are safe if he is not a responsible adult, do what you feel is right don't be swayed by others.
If you feel it is possible maybe he could see the children sometimes but with another responsible adult there.
I do wish you all the best, 40 years ago I was in a similar situation, and the man in question never changed, he never acted like a father, even though he had several relationships and many children scattered around.
Keep trusting your judgement,good luck !!!!

Answer 4

A good father is one who loves and cares for his children. That includes respecting their mother.

Having recently been through the residency hearing for my own children and got to keep them, the legal view is that the father should have access to his children if no reason for it not to happen can be found.

My children's father mentally and physically abused me but as there were no witnesses it was not taken into consideration. He gets to see his children at all major holidays because a judge ruled it.

You are the mother. You have the responsibility for the children so you should do what you believe is best for the children.

Other people's opinions should be considered but you are the one that will have to cope with any emotional grief to the children.

Children need a father as long as he is a stable influence in their lives.

Think carefully please.

Answer 5

There are loads of things that make a good father. Nobody is perfect but your ex sounds far from it.

You need to weigh up the positive and negative impact of seeing their father on your children (not you). If the positives outweigh the negatives then consider it.

What ever you decide you can review it again in, say, 6 months. It doesn't have to be forever.

Answer 6

whatever issues you have with him, you cannot let that determine if he should see his kids. That is not even an option, he can take you to court and have a judge make you give him visitation. At one point in his life you made the chioice to lay with him and have not 1 but 2 kids, don't make them suffer. Even if you don't think he deserves another chance, the kids deserve to have a relationship with their dad, who u selected. You would be suprised but he probably knows how much he hurt you and has to live with that everyday, and he might want to just make things right with them. A good dad, is simply there for his kids when they need him, he may not have a ton of $$ but time is the most valuable thing he can offer. I think you should go to court and explain your case to the judge though, and let them decide on the visting arangement. If you have to be there make sure there is always another adult 3rd party there, to deter any problems. All the best, to you and the kids.

Answer 7

I believe that a good definition of a father is a man that spends his time as well as quality time with his child(ren), and doesn't need the mother as a chaperon or an alternative babysitter. That attends school events, sporting events as well as time communicating talking and teaching his child(ren) right from wrong and providing for them as a whole!!! That's my personal definition of a good father.

Answer 8

That's a tough one as everyone is looking for different things from different people.

For my husband to be a good father, I expect him to take an interest in the kids, spend time with them and be patient.

My kids want someone to mess about with, always come home at the end of his working day, and read them stories before they go to bed.

I suppose I looked for what my dad gave me when I chose my husband and father of my children.

Answer 9

Ive gone through the exact same as you, my little boys dad has two or maybe 3 kids and he was violent to me, he took drugs stayed out all weekend and spent my money on crap, so people like him do not deserve the right to being called dad, a true father should guide, provide, and be there for his children no matter how many he's got, he should respect the mother of his children and be there for her aswell.

if he is still taking drugs then he is not stable enough to be round your children, and you really dont want them growing up seeing that,
at the end of the day we have to look after our children and guide them through their life the right way because no one else will, its our job to protect them so really deep down you know this man is no good for your children,

from my own experiance i would seek legal advice to see where you stand with this, and just remember your children will thank you for this in the future,

got to ask his name aint lee is it????

Answer 10

I think the definition of a good parent (father or mother) is someone who understands that they have total responsibility for all aspects of someone who depends on them totally.

That means as a parent you are responsible for the physical needs of your child - ie food, roof over your head, clothes, shoes, providing a safe environment for them to play and grow in.

You are also responsible for their mental needs - providing them with an education, proper stimulation and toys to help them develop all aspects of their mental abilities, giving them the help they need with homework to ease their way though school and generate an interest in being academic, and teaching them to enjoy reading as a tool to broaden both their vocabularies and language abilities, as well as broadening their horizons and outlook and experiences.

You also need to address their emotional needs - they will grow and take their place in the world, and should be able to form lasting and genuine friendships and relationships, know who they are and that they're "good people" - by that I mean they should know they're loved and respected and trusted to do good things in life.

They should also be taught an awareness of their spiritual needs - whether this takes the form of religion, music, art, or anything that helps them feel fulfilled and uplifted.

It doesn't sound like your children's father fits any bit of my definition, does it? It doesn't sound like he's thinking of his children at all - just feeling sorry for himself.
Nonetheless, he is their father, and if they want to see him they should be allowed to - but not alone or with you - there should be some independent supervision. He doesn't sound capable of parenting any children adequately, unless he has changed drastically since you were with him.

It's a tough one and I wish you luck. I don't think there's an easy answer. Be careful what you tell your kids - no matter what you think of him, they will always have to live knowing they're part of him, so the more negative things they hear, the more they carry that round as part of them also.

Answer 11

well you've got the definition of a crap father, how can you let your children go n spend time with a man who's on drugs- short ansa..... you cant, a good father is someone who wants n puts aside time for his kids, who comes to see them no matter what the problems with the mother and not think of his own suffering, a good father would want to get clean for his kids n not let them down n turn up when hews supposed to, i remember waitin for my dad at the window on Saturday mornins n he never turned up n that was over 20 years ago! put your kids first n dont listen to anybody else u know whats best for your kids. good luck