My mother wont come to my wedding. She says she doesnt like my fiance, but she has never liked anybody. She has nothing to justify her dislike, and its not about her dissaporval anyway. Its about my wedding day and my happniess anyway.
Is there anything I can do? or say?
2006-09-26 08:34:53 · 41 answers · asked by nonamegirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
wow, thanks for all the wonderful reponses I've gotten so far. I just wanted someone elses view on it that didn't know my family or me. Everyone mostly gave such great thoughts and answers. My bf is a great guy, theres nothing wrong with him. And yes, my mother is controlling! I did actually learn a few thing to say to her that I'll do over the next 11 months, and I appreciate every ones thoughtful comments
2006-09-26 11:04:14 · update #1
Your mother sounds like she is an unhappy woman and her dislike of your fiance is unfortunate.
Continue to plan your wedding as if she was going to attend, but the decision will he hers, all you can do is invite her.
Your wedding is still 11 months away and she will possibly change her mind in that time, especially once the plans are going on - the dress, bridesmaids dresses, the cake, flowers - she may change her mind, but whether she does or not, you should plan your wedding day and make it the happiest day of your life!
Good Luck!
Incidentally, my response to all my kids choices of partners, wedding locations, honeymoon etc, has always been the same "How wonderful - I'm so happy for you!" We have had kids married on a beach, in Church and at Niagara Falls!
2006-09-27 03:55:16 · answer #1 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say that you should send her an invitation. Also, make sure that after you know she's received it, invite her personally again as well, and make sure she knows that you want her there for you, not for anyone else. However, if she chooses not to attend the wedding, just like others have said, it is her loss, and someday she will regret having made that decision on her own.
I know that you might be sad that day if she does not show up, but you also have to look at it this way... Do you want someone at your wedding who may or may not have an attitude and just might bring you down on the day that is supposed to be one of the happiest of your life? Perhaps it would be a blessing if she didn't attend... then you know that is one less thing that will stress you out.
Congratulations on your wedding, and I hope that your mother will see the fact that she needs to support you as her daughter. If she doesn't now, she will someday. Good luck!
2006-09-26 08:56:18 · answer #2 · answered by dee_rollin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
separate the two things : she does not like your fiance, fine, that is her choice, and you cannot do anything about it.
But you are not asking her to live with him, not even to spend a month with him. Tell her the question now is about you. If she does not come to your wedding, you will be hurt, not him, and nothing she does later on will change the loss you will feel on your special day if she is not on your side. Tell her you need her, for you, as a selfish request, tell her her presence will be your wedding present.
A small effort for a couple of hours will bring good memories for the two of you. Still undecided? try to bribe her. She always wanted to ... have a special dinner with you, go to the movies with you, have a week off in your company, I don't know, but you surely can find something she desires. If she comes, and shows you she cares by doing something so important to you, you will do this or that for her, because you care too, and want her to be happy (play a game of darts with your fiance face as goal the night before your wedding with her? that could resolve her dislike of him, your stomach butterflies just before the wedding, and make her come....)
2006-09-26 09:03:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down and ask her what about your fiancee she dislikes so much. Tell her that you hear what she said, but that you are in love with this man and you are going to marry him whether she approves or not. Tell her that it would mean a lot to you if she could set aside her dislike long enough for her to be a part of the most important day in your life. She doesn't have to change how she feels, she just has to put it aside for one day. Make sure she knows that if she attends she'll be expected to at least be civil. If she's not willing to do it, just accept the fact that she's too selfish to care about your happiness and have a wonderful wedding! Don't let her spoil it.
2006-09-26 08:47:04 · answer #4 · answered by brainy_blonde 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless she raised you wrong, and/or you have a proven track record of hooking up with losers, then you don't need to prove yourself.
When you talk to her, calmly tell her -he's not abusive, on drugs, in a gang, a pedophile, a rapist, a serial killer, an alcoholic, or unable to make his own way.
If she still has a problem beyond that, honey, it's clearly her issue not yours. At that point, just let her know "I love you, but this is about me, and if you can't support me, I WILL DO THIS WITHOUT YOU. Hold you head up, and keep your ground and be a beautiful bride! If she has any common sense, she'll come around. Congrats & Good Luck!
2006-09-26 08:48:15 · answer #5 · answered by dct1218 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shes just trying to control you. She realizes that you are an adult now and don't need her approval. She can't stand this fact because she wants to be in control. Her not coming to your wedding is her way of "punishing" you because you are making a decision on your own without her approval. This, in a way makes her feel in control because she feels like "well, I'll just ruin her wedding day to get back at her for making her own decisions". It will only get worse. She'll always need to be in control of your parenting, where you live, what vehicles you buy, where you vacation....etc. The bast thing that you can do is make her think it doesn't bother you. Say something like "Well, mom, I really would like to have you at my wedding but if you don't want to come, thats your decision. If you change your mind let me know".
Then go about planning your wedding and don't say another thing about her not coming. She WILL continue to bring it up but just ignore it. You don't have to defend your decision to marry.
After she sees that you'll be happy at your wedding without her, it will make her mad and she'll probably attend just to prove a point to you.
Whatever hapes, don't allow your mother to ruin YOUR day. Enjoy it with or without her. It is your decision to marry the man you love and I hope you have a beautiful wedding day.
Good Luck!!! And congratulations!
2006-09-26 10:36:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mother seems controlling, she won't like him because she might think she's losing a daughter. She should be happy for you that you found the love of your life. Your mother should be at your wedding and put aside any feelings she has against your fiance. Try to talk to her and just maybe you can convince her to come.
2006-09-26 15:54:23 · answer #7 · answered by sandysweet 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only ask questions that you can handle the answer to. I mean, if she can't justify or quantify why she dislikes your fiance so much, then she either simply doesn't have a reason, doesn't want to lose you, or doesn't want to tell you the reason for fear of hurting you.
If she's made up her mind not to come, then there isn't anything you can really do about it. You can *try* to ask her to do it for you. But if she says no, then you have to deal with that. If you want to keep your relationship with her, then you have to allow her to make this decision and not stir up too much trouble.
Good luck to you.
2006-09-26 08:39:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can send her a picture, and say nothing. It is your day and your hubby to be's day.
My mother never liked my husband, and neither did my father. My mom passed away before we got married and my dad declined the invitation. They are now great friends 8 years later and can actually have a conversation. There was no love lost and I think about it now it would have been uncomfortable for everyone had he shown up. Be happy, and its about the 2 of you.
2006-09-26 08:44:48 · answer #9 · answered by talula 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u can't force anyone to do anything, even if u WANT things to be better! :( that's what sucks wehn people are so stubborn over the wrong things. anyways, my suggestion to you would be to write her out a thoughtful letter, or call, saying that u really want her to come, and celebrate your life together. that u love and appreciate your mother, but u also have learned to lvoe and appreciate this man, and hopefully one day she will be able to accept YOUR discretion, Your decisions, even if u make mistakes, will she still love you No matter what, as your mother. leave her an invitation, and say she is Always welcome, even if she doens't come, to not be a stranger.
good luck :(..i'm sorry for ur situation.
2006-09-26 08:44:08 · answer #10 · answered by tarmee2006 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋