My wife’s mother is mean and never happy with my wife?

Question

My wife is 23, she is the only daughter.

My wife moved out at 18, paid for her college degree with her own money, married me at 21 and we even bought a house on our own.

She has an awesome career now and we are very happily married.

Her mother isn’t happy with any of her achievements.

I like my mother-in-law and she treats me great, but I don’t understand why she treats my wife like she does.

Nothing my wife does makes her mom happy, and she was a good kid, never slept around, did drugs or drank.

When we got engaged my wife didn’t tell her mother for 3 months because her mother wouldn’t ruin it.

And she did ruin it by never congratulating us and not helping her only daughter with wedding plans.

My wife and I are trying for our first baby soon and her mother has made comments about my wife being a bad mother.

My wife said she doesn’t want her mother to know she is pregnant until she is at least 4-5 months along.

Why can’t her mother just be happy for her???

Answer 1

thank goodness your wife left a family who pulls her down and found a man like you to share life with.
i think you two might have to let this one go, she is your wife's mother, but not much of one. you can't change this woman's mind or behaviour. enjoy your lives together and don't look for approval from her anymore... remind your wife of that!! she will be toxic to your marriage and will wreak havoc if you and your wife let her become an issue in your marriage.

i am a good woman too, and i'm sick of trying to please my parents. they aren't as rude as that, but for years it honestly seemed like nothing i did was good enough, and i was naive and selfish etc.. according to them.i have to live my life, though, and enjoy it. so they have less say these days!

Answer 2

There are obviously some deeply rooted issues of resent, jealousy and the innability to cope with the success of your wife. Does your mother-in-law have a happy, successful marriage? Does she have a career? Does she have a good sex life? Do you think she may be secrectly into you?

Her attitude is not normal for a mother whose daughter has been an example of honest, hard work in all she has done up to now. Whatever her mom's reasons are, I doubt she will ever come clean and confess, no matter how much logic, coaxing and coersion you may use to make her change her attitude towards your wife.

Your wife resents her mother's attitude to the point she doesn't want her to know she's pregnant. That should be enough for you to respect her decision and protect her from the negative attitudes that are causing her so much emotional damage.

Both of you don't have to subject yourselves to your mother-in-law's nastiness just because she is your wife's mother! Your child to be doesn't have to be exposed to whatever this lady may do once he or she is born. Your baby, as an extension of your wife, may be very vulnerable to whatever this troubled woman may do. Don't expose your wife, yourself or your future child to something that may escalate at any time.

If you truly wish to help your mother-in-law kindly suggest that she seriously look into some form of therapy to help her come out of whatever state she is in, because frankly, it is not healthy for her or anybody around her.

I wish you the best in you endeavor to protect your family and help this lady.

Answer 3

It sound as though she just has that negative vibe in her. Some people are negative and steal your positive, by even coming in a room. She may be just jelouse of the accomplishments of her daughter and turning around and being spiteful because her life didn't turn out as well. So her mother is angry because maybe deep down she knows what she is, and therefore projecting her anger at others around her. She is only frustrated with the person she became in life. And now that she is older, she sees her daughter living the dreams she once had, and can't cope with it. So she says rude things to her daughter. Look at it for what it is and just feel sorry for her and live your life. Peace

Answer 4

It sounds like your mother-in-law has issues in HER OWN LIFE that she isn't taking a look at and probably instead is putting on your wife!!! To me, that is just terrible, to be Blessed with a daughter, and to not be able at her age, love and be proud of who she is(no matter what happened in the past)and what she is doing, well it doesn't say much for her. As I said though, you know what, it is your wife's mother's problem. It is affecting their relationship, but you guys either have to just know that is who she is(unless she wants to change it)or end the relationship because of it. How much does it effect your wife? When you and your wife are trying to now start your own family, your wife doesn't need that stress on her. How does she handle her mother? If she can keep it all, in perspective, and be able to talk with you and her friends about it, then good for her! However, if in some way that relationship with her mother is effecting her, your marriage, etc then that is not healthy!! Just remember you now have your own family, you and her, and possibly one day soon, a baby on the way, and so who cares what she says or does! IT IS YOUR LIFE!!!! You guys set the boundaries, set the visits, the phone calls, etc or make it clear that your wife's mother's talk is hurtful and unacceptable and let it go! You both have a great future ahead of you, so enjoy it!!! Oh let me tell you, my mother-in-law used to drive me crazy because I ALLOWED IT! My Mom still has things to say to me and it drove me crazy at one time because I ALLOWED! No longer is that the case, but it took awhile, and some counseling for me, to realize all of it! Good luck! Build your own life, your own foundation...........

Answer 5

maybe ur mother in law has got past hurts with her daughter,could have been some,past conflicts or misunderstanding between her and her daughter as the daughter were growing up,,she need to talk it over with her mom,might be,over some housechores,,her mother felt that she did not love her well,by SHOWING it,through care,support,,considerations and respect, me to has got a 22 yr old daugther,eldester of 4 kids,and she was never never a good daughter or sibling,,always self centered,selfish,,,,,keeps things inside her heart,,does seem to see the good and positive points of a person,,just the bad,chase after guys,,does not make priority in life to excel,and be inteligent,force her current army b/f to get married to her quickly or risk "losing" her as if she was a "princess"also she's jealous of me cos she look like indian,whereas am white,and,ppl look more at me then her as we go out,i feel that shes jealous of me sometimes,also,she brings her younger siblings agaisnt me,,her younger 16 yr od sis,and introduce guys to her,which i dont like,,cos it's not a good example,,so from here u can see the whole picture, a daughter who tells bad rumours about her own mom is a viper!, i know i had similar sisters,and a daughter now,but i have always been considerate to my mom , a mom gal,and good mother,and protected this ugly daughter of mine from her fathers family abuse in the past,,and see how she pays me? it takes two to clap.. i guess that ur wife, is pretty much guilt too;

Answer 6

I think your mother in law is extremely jealous of your wife. She isen't happy so she does't want to see her own daughter happy.
Your wife probably did better then her mom when her mom was her age and therefore shes jealous.

Answer 7

Any parent in their right mind would be proud of your wife and her accomplishments. Chalk it up to your mother in law having mental disorders.

Answer 8

I dont think your wife's mother is not happy with herself. your wife is doing everything the mother wanted to do in her life.

Answer 9

Because she's a sour puss, isn't happy with her life and can't stand to see how nice her daughters turned out. I would spend so little time with that woman !!!

Answer 10

Your mother-in-law sounds like a miserable person. Keep your distance as much as possible, you won't be able to change her.