My friend been dating a real nice guy, who is in his final stages of divorces. The guy has been separated for the last two years and just negoatiating the settlement. He has two children boy and girl, ages 12 and 9 and a stepson who is grown and recently moved in with my friend's boyfriend. She is concerned that she will not be able to handle being second to a man's ex-wife and kids. They have to keep their relationship secret until the divorces is final. She is not comfortable with this at all. Tell me what my friend needs to do.
PS.. SHe don't have a Yahoo Answer account therefore I am asking on her behalf.
2006-09-26 07:45:38 · 21 answers · asked by RONNIEKAT 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If he has to keep the relationship a secret, then they're not off to a good start. He's been separated for two years, and it's not reasonable to expect that he hasn't had any kind of relationship during this time. She is right to trust her instincts.
Once the cover is off about the relationship, how will they explain this to his kids? If it's taken two years for he and the ex to get to this point, you know she'll have some issues with it (part anger, part looking out for her kids). I'd also be a little concerned about be The Rebound Relationship.
I think she should back off, and only see him when he's divorced and ready to introduce her to the family.
2006-09-26 07:58:01 · answer #1 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well your original question is extremely misleading considering you are implying that this man is married and it gives the impression that he is not even going for a divorce.
If he really is in the final stages of his divorce and is truly going to be with her and has been seperated for some time from his wife, then sure, she should go ahead and be with him. But all these reservations she is having now should have come up in the beginning rather than now. She should have thought of all this before. Now she is in the hot seat and this man may really want to be with her and it sounds like she was just playing with his mind and not really taking him seriously and now she has to step up and be his woman and doesn't know if she can handle that...If that is the case, you aren't going to get her answer on here...She has to figure it out for herself.
2006-09-26 07:53:14 · answer #2 · answered by Truth Hurts 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry.. just tell her 75% of all 2nd marriages where there are pre-xisting children end in divorce, so she won't be around for too long.
I wouldn't call this dude a "real nice guy" if he's so dishonest that he even hides the fact that he's seeing her, and has just ruined the lives of his 2 kids plus yet another kid (the stepson). Real nice guy, huh?
To answer the question: Should I stay with this married man!? NO. Why recycle used men?
2006-09-26 07:53:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
His children should be important to her as well! With comes his children, just like with women comes there children! If you love someone you love all of them. She should never come second or feel like she is anyway because he loves her as well but he loves her in a different way then he loves his children. If he has been with her this long and they have kept there relationship secret, then what is a few more weeks or months going to do? If she wasn't comfortable then she shouldn't have done it in the first place, she must love him because she has held out this long! Children are a blessing, not meant to come before anyone!
I hope this helped! She just needs to hang in there, but if she doesn't think she will be able to share him with his children then she should just let him go!
Always Amy
2006-09-26 07:57:37 · answer #4 · answered by heart2heart27958 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is she sure he's in his final steps of divorce? If he really is, she should be fine. Of course she's going to worry, but if he loves her and she loves him, that's all that matters. I don't think that she should take off yet. See how everything goes. After the divorce, if she still finds herself being a secret, then i'd worry. Or he puts her off to the side all the time.
2006-09-26 07:53:19 · answer #5 · answered by Rica 82 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to decide if he is worth it. She will always come in second after his kids. Some guys are worth it, others aren't. as far as keeping it a secret, I totally understand that part, I am there now. She may need to seperate herself from him, and come back when everything is final. That way things can be in the open, and she can have less stress.
2006-09-26 07:50:54 · answer #6 · answered by tigweldkat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom always told me, "If you have to sneak around to do it, you probably shouldn't."
I know a few women who've been in this situation, and it hasn't been good for any of them. Just like flowers need light to grow, so relationships need honesty and openness to flourish. Any relationship that is started in secret, surrounded by sneakiness, is likely to be like a plant hidden under a rock- weak, underdeveloped, and sickly.
Your friend is "not comfortable with this at all." That signals that her concience is in good working order- she should get out NOW, and give herself AND the guy a chance to find a healthy, non-sneaky relationship. Besides, who wants to be the rebound girl?
2006-09-26 07:55:44 · answer #7 · answered by craftladyteresa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A married man is bad news, if he has not had sex with her and he is in his final stages of divorce. She may get to be with him. But just how he found her, he will find someone else. It is just going to be what comes around goes around. If she is young all that drama is too much, older son, children, exwife, alimony, child support etc. tell her to RUN!
2006-09-26 07:52:08 · answer #8 · answered by akente 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you can bet on in life is that you hadn't better bet on anything as being a sure thing. We are surrounded by change and in a constant state of flux. Sounds like the guy is on track and doing everything in a legal and upright manner. Life goes on. She will not be second to anything. If they love each other she will be first and foremost. We all have baggage throughout our lives; get used to it. Kids, ex-spouses, dogs, problems, yaddah, the list goes on. Get used to it and take it in stride. None of us will ever live in a glass bubble with no problems or baggage. That is why it is called "life".
2006-09-26 07:51:22 · answer #9 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hmm. nicely, like it or hate it, yet she needs to break issues off with this married guy. Granted, i know that she "might" have a undeniable attachment for this guy because of the fact she lost her virginity to him, yet this guy's married. he's a married guy. somebody else is meant to have his heart. if your sister likes this different guy ,then she could supply him a huge gamble. I mean his unmarried. I pay attention it is an remarkable high quality to have whilst somebody is seeking that distinctive somebody. additionally, umm, you ought to to alter the my interior here fact , "that she gave my virginity to", to her so there is not any confusion. merely attempting to assist.
2016-12-12 15:34:57 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋