Did you grow up with strict parents? Did it work? Do you plan on or are you a strict parent?

Question

I had super strict parents, couldn't talk on the phone to boys until 16, couldn't date till I was 16. I was scared of my parents of letting them down so I was a really good kid "UNTIL" I met my husband at 17 and I hurried up a married just to get out of the house. 14 years latere still happily married but I will not be that strict on my children, it ultimatly drove me from home at an early age.

Answer 1

I think I was too strict at first in some ways, not letting my daughter stay overnight some place coz I wouldn't be there to see she was fine, and could go that way a bit now, (I won't allow her to get pierced ears till she is old enough to decide to put holes in her body) but I'm not strict. I think I'm very kind most of the time. I don't want my children to grow up the way I did, God bless my parents for trying.

Heh. My mother once told me I was always worried about pleasing them when they had no expectation one way or the other. That is what overstrictness does. It causes needless anxieties and physical injury, nasty memories, changes in life you wouldn't have taken had you understood much better, etc. Often times the ones being too strict are doing it to have control of the situation they don't know how to handle. That's why they beat or scream or whatever they do.

You're absolutely right. You go, girl!

Answer 2

My parents were strict on some things. No dating or even talking to boys until 16. No alone car dating until 17. I had older siblings that were pretty responsible so I got to go out very young and stay out later that most of my friends. I was didn't get into trouble and got good grades. I moved out at 18. I am strict on some things with my kids and laid back on others just like my parents were. For me it's a matter of trust, if you don't give me a reason to mistrust you, I'm not trippin.

Answer 3

There's a difference between being strict and being restrictive. There must be rules, but a child also needs to learn to stand on their own feet and make their own way in the world. By the time they are teenagers they could feel very awkward if they haven't gained confidence and learned some social skills.

Why would any parent want to do that to thier kids? Having rules and knowing who your child hangs out with, knowing their parents, etc. etc. is very important, and that means you have to BE a parent and know where your kids are and what they do. We have always had our kids in sports or clubs like Guides so they can gain this confidence in a healthy environment while learning life skills as well.

Answer 4

My parents were exactly like yours, down to the whole "16" thing. It also drove me from the house; I got married at 19. I am still happily married over 5 years later, with no kids yet, but I do not plan on being like my parents! I still have a 16 year old sister at home, and I can see things going in the same direction that it did with me. Parents should be loving, supportive, and involved with their kids, but not overbearing, pushy, and restrictive. It will bite them in the end.

Answer 5

I had very strict grandparent, whom I lived with.. Then I moved to my fathers.. he was never around .. and I still left home at 17. So having strict parents is not the only reason a kids leaves home.

As a parent now, I am both strict and flexible. Every kid requires something different.. Though you may not have liked the strictness in your house. Maybe you parents felt you needed it.

Answer 6

My parents were strict, but everything was presented with reason, and a way out. If they could trust me, they would. But there were still certain things i couldnt do. I wasnt allowed to play sports in school, and i wasnt ever allowed to go to a dance. that sort of thing.

But because they were so strict on me i did grow up better for it. My best friend grew up in the same kinda way, she she turned out better for it.

If its done with love and understanding, and reason with the child, then i think its the best way to raise kids.

Too many parents cop out because of fear they'll be unliked or the 'bad guy' or they'll push their kids away. Its just and excuse for not wanting to be a good parent. Parenting is hard. Its much MUCH harder to inforce rules and consequense than to not.

Iam very glad my parents did. Iam sure you are too.

We all make what we deem to be the best choices for our children :) Iam sure you'res will be fine. Because you grew up well you'll notice and reconize the problems as they arise, where as most parents are broad sided by them.

Answer 7

There is a huge difference between being controlling and being strict. I feel children need limits and structure. When it is coupled with love, concern and interest in what makes your child happy, it works. The sign that you have the right formula is that your child is never scared of you,yet has a healthy respect for your authority. Excellent subject to ponder before having children.Thank you.

Answer 8

My parents were weird first they partied and played music in the bars then one day they up and found religion. My dad was a bully, strict, scary, and preached hell fire damnation. My mom was 2 faced etc. I ended up at a private christian school, ended up sneaking out, having sex got prego and married at 17 cheated on him,
NO I will not be that strict on my kids

Answer 9

I'm not sure about strict. My parents taught me respect, and self respect. I was expected to do my best at all times, because that was a good as I could get, and not let myself down. If I was naughty, I got smacked. The boundaries were made very clear to me, and when they changed, as I got older, that was done by negotiation.

I've tried to bring my son up in a similar sort of way, becuase it worked for me.

Answer 10

I had the best of both worlds . . my mom was strict and mean as hell . . but my dad was laid back and easy-going . . . I think it helps to have a mixture of the two . . you don't want your kids to be afraid of you, but you want them to know that you mean business, and what you say, goes . . . I don't plan on being a strict parent (i'm 18 weeks pregnant with my first) . . but I don't plan on being a parent whose kids tell me what they're going to do . . . I really think it makes a difference, having a strict parent as opposed to one who says "whatever" . . . there were things that we HAD to do growing up . . like chores, homework, going to church . . things like that . . . there was no negotiation and you didn't have a choice . . . and you didn't talk back unless you wanted to get popped in the mouth . . LoL . . at one point, I think I was afraid of my mom, and I was afraid of disappointing her (i.e. bad grades, etc.) . . and until I snapped out of it, that kind of rolled over into my adult years . . I would never want my kids to be under that kind of mind control . . it's just not healthy . . . kids need to know that it's okay to make your own decisions and do the things that make you happy . . don't just do something because you're trying to please mom or dad . . . but I think all of that taught me to appreciate my parents . . I plan to incorporate some of the things they did, with a few ideas of my own . . .