My mother has 4 children ages: 27, 24 (me), 13 and 9.
My mother is 46 years old and has no grandchildren.
I have been married for two years (together for 5) and my husband and I are trying for our first baby.
I mentioned to my mother recently that we wanted to have a baby soon.
She said I should wait until I am 30 until I have my first child.
She said if I waited then my little brothers would be 19 and 15 and she could focus more on being a grandma.
How selfish is her excuse?!
Why should I wait to have children when she decided to have more kids in her mid-late 30’s?
She can still be a grandma and be a mother to teen boys!
My step-dad (raised me) said he would be happy to be a grandpa, and he is only 43!
What do you think about my mother’s excuse for not wanting grandchildren now?
P.S.
We have college educations, great careers, a home that is nearly paid off, and plenty of money. We are happily married and no parents have helped us with it all.
2006-09-26 07:31:58 · 54 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Ahh... she'll change her mind once the baby is born...what is she going to do? make you put it back?? Babies have a way of soothing ruffled feathers, healing wounds, and bringing people together. Your "little" brothers aren't so little and they will get involved as well! Your mother will find her house full of happy people.... and won't remember telling you to wait.
2006-09-26 07:40:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your mother is probably just going through some kind of Grandma anxiety. The thought of a little person running around calling them Grandma or Grandpa can scare a parent. Not only that, she knows how difficult pregnancy and delivery can be and might have an issue watching her own go through that. Also she may not want to feel like she's neglecting your child by stating that she rather wait till the boys are older. There could be a million things going through her mind. I would sympathize with her to an extent, but if you're at that point in your life where you're ready (and it sounds like you are) then i would just do it. I'm sure all her thoughts and expressions are all meant for the best. She'll get over whatever fear she has.
2006-09-26 07:39:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mom may have other fears that she is unwilling or unable to share with you. If you have a child, she will get over it. A friend of mine, who was not trying to have a baby, had her last daughter 2 months after her first daughter had her first child. She is a wonderful mother and grandmother. It can be hectic, but your mom can be a mom and a grandma at the same time. You are young and have a great life, it is a great time to add to your family! If this is what you and your husband want don't let anyone get in your way. You are not asking your moms permission to have a child, you are informing her of your decision to have a child. At your age I already had two kids and one on the way, your mom is lucky you and your older sibling haven't had any kids before this. When the time comes for her to be a grandparent I'm sure she will come around, especially when grandpa will be loving on the new addition to the family. Good luck!!
2006-09-26 11:26:12 · answer #3 · answered by Jnine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is hard to admit one is getting older and GRANDchildren are something that marks a transition in our lives...just as turning 21 makes you an official adult becoming a grandparent is a milestone that means you can't pretend you are barely 30 anymore....Gbabys are wonderful and your mom will probably change her tune a year from now (i'm assuming you get what you are aiming for by then) 13 and 9 or 14 and 10 are PERFECT ages to become uncles or aunts and they are nore likely to want to babysit than they would be in their later teens as that is when the dating and socialization with friends and away from family is most important... so your timing is perfect for everyone else. by the time your youngest sibs are busy with friends and going off to college your children will be entering kindergarden and preschool
their seperation ansiety from you if they have it can be compared to your brother/sis going to univ...
It sounds like you have a good sized family to visit and share good times with.... reassure your mom that you will tell people she was very young when she had you... and she is not the only fortysomething grandma....you can be a grammum at under 40 if you had yours at 15-17 and they did the same...so tell her it only means she is 30-35, maybe she will allow that thought to console her....or let her read this answer. I am just 50 and a grandparent twice over. ages 3 1/2+ and 6months.that means I was 47 at the birth and 46 when told of preg.
try this::::
If you had your children as two pairs...27+24 and 13+9 then it is time for baby to come back into your life.::::::
hey you never know if any of these suggestions will work unless you try them. use the ones that sound good to you.
and may you have a trouble free pregnancy and smooth delivery every time.
2006-09-26 07:55:54 · answer #4 · answered by ??IMAGINE ?? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your mom needs to realize that the world does not revolve around her. I am 26, and am pregnant with our third child.
My mom is 46 and can't wait. And she still has children at home. I have three younger sisters, 18, 16, and 13. the 18 year old just moved out, but the other two live at home. My oldest will be 4 next month, So with my first child my sisters were pretty much the same age as your brothers are, and everything was fine. Does your mother not think that she has enough love for everyone?
If you are ready for a child then have one. You shouldn't wait to have kids when its convenient for some one else.
When you become pregnant your mother will probably change her mind, babies usually have that effect on people!
Good Luck!!
2006-09-26 07:52:17 · answer #5 · answered by tnmomof2as 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was 19 when I had our first baby. My mother was 39. She was happy to be a grandma. My husband was 18 and his mother was only 34. She was also excited to be a grandma. My little brother was only 9 years old also. Another one of my younger brothers was 13 also. Her children's age did not affect her grand parenting. Just do what is best for you. I am pregnant again and some people in my family are not very happy with it. I do not care either way. I know that being pregnant is what we wanted and we are happy. Do not let what anyone says change your mind about having children. She is probably just nervous because she doesn't want to be considered "old " yet.
2006-09-26 07:58:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were 18, living at home, and barely scraping by on minimum wage your mothers excuse would be lame.
The way she dictated and planned her life should not reflect on your own personal dicisions.
It makes no sense to me, and never has, to wait until later in life to have children. You'll never have enough money, or a big enough house, or the best jobs to raising kids. It just doesnt work that way. NO matter how much money you make, or dont make, you'll spend the vast majority of it on your kids.
Ive had all these bag-eyed harried older moms tell me all the time "you should live your life a little and wait to have kids until you're older". Why? So i can start into raising kids when iam tired and jaded? No.
Offer your children the best you can, theres plent of time for living when theyre older, and as they grow.
Just because your mom wants you to wait shouldnt have any bearing on your decision.
We're expecting the first grandchild on both sides, my youngest brother is only just 13. My parents are quite capible of balancing grandparenting with parenting, and estactic to do so.
wait until your 30's. psssshhh. what a load of crap. lol.
2006-09-26 07:39:57 · answer #7 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure your mom will change her mind when the baby arrives. My mom didn't want me to have any kids neither. I'm 23 and now have 2 kids and she loves them very much. At first she said no not to have any until I was married 5 years, but when I told her I was pregnant and really starting to show she was very excited. Then when I told her about the second one she hope I was kidding but she ok with everything now. I think mothers would like their daughters to wait a while a make sure the marriage would last before having kids because once they are here married or divorce you would have to take care of them. So Yes I would definitely have a child. Your more will adapt.
2006-09-26 07:52:50 · answer #8 · answered by JD0305 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is very selfish and I think you should have a baby when YOU are ready. You will never regret having a baby, but if you wait for her, you will probably regret it and have a lot of resentment toward your mom. I'm sure that if you have a baby, that your mom will love it just like she would in a few years. It doesn't matter if she has younger kids or not. I am also 24 and have 2 kids and my mom has an 11 year old. My 11 yr old sister helps my mom out a lot with the kids when they go stay with her! She loves it!
2006-09-26 07:38:42 · answer #9 · answered by #3ontheway! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is your life and you can make up your own mind when, where and how. If your mom has an opinion thank her and let her know that you love her.. Maybe she is feeling old if she has grandbabies now. But surely it is the choice of you and your husband not hers. I know both my parents had me young and so when I had children... they were still pretty young even though I waited to have children two years after marriage. I think the idea of having grandchildren made them feel old....they didn't want to be called Grandma or Grandpa... made them think about their age more or something .. so instead it is Nana and Papa...
2006-09-26 07:44:48 · answer #10 · answered by Just being myself! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe, she thinks you should enjoy some of life first. However, that is not her decision. It's yours and your husband's.
On a personal note, I had my first and second child in my early twenties. Now, I am 34 and have a 2 year old. Raising a baby in my 30s seems much more difficult than when I was younger.
You have to consider how old you will be at critical moments of their lives. Will you be able to do all the things you want to do with them?
2006-09-26 07:41:29 · answer #11 · answered by ammecalo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋