What do you think about my mother’s excuse for not wanting grandchildren?

Question

My mother has 4 children ages: 27, 24 (me), 13 and 9.

My mother is 46 years old and has no grandchildren.

I have been married for two years (together for 5) and my husband and I are trying for our first baby.

I mentioned to my mother recently that we wanted to have a baby soon.

She said I should wait until I am 30 until I have my first child.

She said if I waited then my little brothers would be 19 and 15 and she could focus more on being a grandma.

How selfish is her excuse?!

Why should I wait to have children when she decided to have more kids in her mid-late 30’s?

She can still be a grandma and be a mother to teen boys!

My step-dad (raised me) said he would be happy to be a grandpa, and he is only 43!

What do you think about my mother’s excuse for not wanting grandchildren now?

My husband and I are ready. We have college educations, great careers, a home that is nearly paid off. And we have plenty of money.

And we are emotionally stable!

Answer 1

yep i personally think she is either very selfish or very afraid , scared perhaps that she cannot "live up to" this dream idea she has of what a grammy is . i am 49 my youngest child is 6 - my oldest is 31. my grandchildren are ages 8,7,6. i would sugest you do what you want to with your life, she will cope and adapt just fine. i may not be the bestest grammy or mom but all we can do is give it our best shot.

Answer 2

One possible reason behind her excuse is that she does not believe that she can handle taking care of another child. I’m not sure how independent you are, some daughters leave their children in the care of their mother when they need to go out for the night. If you wait a bit, she’ll become more available for you and your child.

Another possible reason is that your mother was 19 when she had her first child. She knows the difficulty of handling a first child and possibly believes that you should concentrate on your career first and settling down before starting a family. Have you considered all the responsibilities AND expenses that comes with a child?

Some examples are: waking up throughout the night because of the crying, baby will need 24/7 attention during the first few years, baby clothes, etc.

Answer 3

Your mother might still be supporting and raising your younger brothers and don't feel that she has time to take care of your children when you have them. She might feel that you will need her help with your children and she is not able to provide them. She wants to wait until your brothers move out before she can have time to herself and your kids. She wants to focus on her kids first before your kids.

If you need your mother's help with your kids, then that might not be the reason. In this case, she is not selfish. She is planning to raise her kids first. A good parent put their kids first before her grandkids especially if her kids are still in high school. If you don't need your mother's help, the choice is yours. I don't know if selfish is the word because I don't know the reason for her feeling. Maybe you should ask her why she feels this way. Perhaps, she feels she is too young to be a grandmother while she is still raising children in her house. But age is only a number. When you have children, she will have to accept them as her grandchildren eventually whether she like it or not. So just focus on yourself. As long as you and your husband are ready for children, it is fine. Your children are yours, not your mother's. It is your decision.

Answer 4

I made my mom a grandmother at 42 and she was very proud. Now she is a grandmother again at age 49.. My mom is loving it. I had an aunt who was like that , she never claimed her grandkids until now , she didnt want ppl to think she was old or to think her daughter was a whore being that she was 16 at the time. My aunt now has 4 grandkids , ages 11 , 7 , 5 , and 1day old and she is happy. Girl if you want to have a baby then do it don't let her stop you at all , if she don't like it then oh well

Answer 5

Your moms excuse is definately a selfish one. My aunt felt the same way and when her daughter-in-law got pregnant, she was less than thrilled. I believe she didn't want to be in the grandmother role of not having any control or thinking that she would be relyed upon to care of your children from time to time. She had raised 3 boys and she wanted her older years to be "her" years. I also believe becoming a grandma made her feel old. That child is now 5 and you know what?...he is the apple of his grandma's eye.......

Answer 6

Maybe in some way she feels like SHE would be having another kid too in that she would be helping you through the prenancy and motherhood and teaching you all the motherly things you need to know? Especially if it's gonna be your first child. But yes, I agree, it does sound a little ludacris. Don't not have a kid because your mother isn't ready. That's stupid. If you and your husband are ready for a kid, then go for it, what can your mother do?

J

Answer 7

Who cares what her excuse is its not her life. I have learned that you have no say on when you will become a grandma...I know this for a fact because I am 37 and just became a granma on July 22 by my 18 year old son. My youngest child just turned 8. Hey it is what it is, what can you do but shower the love around. Tell your mama to get a damn grip. She will love and appreciate the grand kids no matter what age SHE is when they come.

Answer 8

That is selfish of her to say that. It's fine to want to spend time with your grand children but you can't put it off just because of her. It's you and your husbands choice to have a baby not hers. If you know that your ready then keep trying. You shouldn't have to wait for your mother to be ready. She can find time to be with her grand child. Your brothers are old enough to have time away from your mother they don't need to depend on her 24-7. It;s not like she has to chase them around and change their diapers! Keep trying and don't let anyone stop you!

Answer 9

I think it's not her decision and she should be happy for you that you are happily married and ready to start a family. What she said is pretty silly and I would just ignore it. Maybe she feels that becoming a grandma somehow makes her old. I would ask her why she said this and tell her how you feel (that it's selfish). Just talk about it nicely. Just remember this decision is at the discretion of you and your hubby ;-)

Answer 10

There has got to be more to it than what she is telling you. Being a grandma is an important job, but you and your husband will be the parents. You will be the primary caretakers, teachers, suppliers...she will be like an assistant. Ultimately it's your decision and she will fall for the baby once he/she is born (if yall decide to have a baby now). You should try to dig deeper and see what the real reason is behind what she told you!