How do I make my 2 year old daughter obey me?

Question

When ask my daughter to do something, she says "no", unless there is something in it for her. She listens very well to her father, and all he has to do is give her the look. With me, even when I spank her, it does no good! Time out works somewhat, but only for a while. My parents are always getting in the middle so I ask them not to interfere when I am disciplining her. I am trying my best. What do I do?

What about the biting when she does not get her way?

This morning... I tried to wake her up with a cheerful song. Her reaction for me changing her was kicking, screaming, and a bite on my left arm. It hurt so much that it made me cry. My feelings and my arm was throbbing. I usually watch cartoons with her and give her a waffle, banana and juice even though she eats at school. I just took her to school without her morning juice, even though it made me sad to not give it to her. Does she need time to first awaken? Should she be awake for a while before I dress her? I just want to know what I am doing wrong, so that I can fix it.

Answer 1

Don't we all say "no" unless there is something in it for us?
She is no different then the rest of us.
You have to make it worth her while somehow. And I don't mean bribery or blackmail. Just common sense.
Be persistent and calm. If she does not do what you need, do give her "the look", and let it go for a while. It won't be more than a couple of minutes before she wants something from you - and then you reiterate your point, and tell her to do what you asked her first

Be careful not to overdo it with timeouts - unless you have some more severe punishment in mind, save them for serious mischieves, or risk finding yourself completely unarmed against her behaviour one day.

Answer 2

Be patient, it gets better. I have a 2 1/2 year old, we are going through the same thing. She's just testing her boundries with each of you. Consistently use time out (we have to hold our daughter--she just won't sit there) and/or take away things she enjoys like a toy or activity. We went through a particularlly rough phase where time out wasn't working either and I'm not willing to do more than a swat on the diaper which is more of an attention getter and really isn't effective in my opinion so we tried, on the advice of a friend and with the peditrician's blessing, hot sauce. I put a really small dab of tobasco on my fingertip and touch it to her tongue. I used it twice and all I had to say was "hot sauce" and she stopped in her tracks. We always had a cup of milk ready for her so given these "rules" our doc thought it fine.

A lot of people thought we were nuts but when I said "what do you suggest we do?" no one had a better answer.

You might also want to take a look at babycenter.com--lots of forums for parents of all ages.

Good luck and hang in there!

Answer 3

Ah, the terrible twos...

You need to be firm with her. When she first misbehaves, give her a warning. Tell her that if she doesn't stop, she'll get a timeout. When she does it again, tell her that you already gave her a warning and she didn't listen so now she's getting time-out.
When you are giving a time-out, get down to her level (physically drop down), look her straight in the eye, and then tell her exactly why she's getting the time out. She should think about what she's done and apologize to mommy for (biting or whatever she did wrong). Tell her mommy won't talk to her until she apologizes. 2 minutes is appropriate for a 2 year old. If she doesn't apologize (or is not sincere), then you need to be firm and tell her that she really hurt mommy's feelings and you don't want to speak to her until she apologizes. Tell her to play quietly in her room or whatever. Be firm. If she acts out and throws a tantrum, bring her to her room, close the door, and ignore her until she behaves herself.

You have to show her that misbehaving is unacceptable and that she's not going to get your attention by throwing tantrums. Speak in calm but serious tone of voice. Don't shout or yell - that will just make her know that she's getting to you.

Answer 4

You have to keep working at it. I have a 2 year old daughter too, and my biggest frustrations are picking up toys and saying "please". I know she's probably not going to pick up her toys, but I keep asking her to help. I hope that one day it will click in her head that it makes Mommy happy when she helps. She is good about taking things to the trash when asked, putting her dishes in the sink, etc, toys just haven't caught on for her. If spanking isn't working, and time outs aren't enough, consider rewarding her when she does something right. A small sticker on her hand or a chart and plenty of praise might be a better incentive than a threat of a spanking. Good luck, I know how it feels.

Answer 5

I totally understand what it is like to have parents interfere when you are disciplining your little one. I have a 6, 4, 2, year old and one on the way. The key is to mean what you say and say what you mean. When you ask her to do something- stick by it and don't give in. She is only 2 and she is learing the world around her (especially how far she can get with you). If you ask her to pick something up and she wont do it- take her by her hands and physically help her do it. With my 6 year old, taking things away worked. With my 4 year old, just the thought of mommy being unhappy worked, and now with my 2 year old (the one who gets into a lot of temper tantrums), time out works. Now, people love to compliment my children when we are out in public. It will take time and it may get worse but I promise you that if you mean what you say and say what you mean and stick by it-= you will soon have it a little eaiser.

Answer 6

Maybe you could try reading a book called, "Positive Discipline for Preschoolers" by Jane Nelsen, Cheryl Erwin, Roslyn Duffy.
The two year old I take care of is very stubborn at times but it is good to give them choices... So they can make the call. I think this makes them feel better about themselves. At two years old just two choices and the older they get more. You could also make it seem like a game to her so it is fun. But best of all ... Consistency... if you say you are going to do something follow through and never...let me repeat!!! Never threaten her with something you will and could not do. Example...(someone I know from the past) Used to tell her child to do something and when she didn't do it call her names and tell her that she is going to ring her neck. I don't think anyone at any age would want to listen to someone like that.

Answer 7

2 year old go through the "no" phase. You just have to stick to your guns. Give her a time out EVERY time she misbehaves. Keep her there for a full 2 minutes. I put my son behind our sectional (not between the wall and the sofa) so he can't see the tv. Make him sit there and I'll set the timer for how-ever long and when it goes off, he knows it and I know it. He's still not allowed to move until I get there and explain why he's there. If he still has an attitude, another time out. Yes, your first few days will be nothing BUT time outs, but eventually she will understand. After the "nos" come the "I don't want to". Can't wait huh?

Answer 8

Follow through, each time she misbehaves. Say it once and if she doesn't react, follow through with a timeout or whatever you choose. The more we talk the less they hear. Offering choices on the little things, such as pink shirt or yellow shirt, Barney or Teletubbies, etc... May help her feel like she has a bit of control in her life, therefore, when you ask her to do something she is a bit more willing... It's called Love and Logic Parenting and it has helped with my kids (4 and 2). Hope this helps...

Answer 9

I have allways used the reward system with my children. It works way better than punishing. You know like you want to play a video game on Tuesday then behave on Monday. That kind of thing. My children are 14 and 11 and thay have never been spanked. The are perfectly well behaved. Give it a shot it may work for you.

Answer 10

You can not make a child obey you just like that. If she tells you no, then just look at her and say..."excuse me, I asked you to do something." Biting is not an option...I know it's mean, but i bit my mother just once...she bit me back...I never did it again. You need to be consistant with your daughter...time outs will work more in the end than just a spanking...that only hurts for a few minutes...but being confined to one space for time out...that hits them low and below...kids don't like to be confined and told what to do...but she needs to learn respect and if it's not taught early enough...just wait till she is a teenager!