At what point do you stop trying to help someone?

Question

Some people obviously can't learn the err of their ways until they have hit total rock bottom, but does that mean that we should stop trying ti help them? Whether it be a family member who refuses to work, take any responsibility for their 4 children or respect anything about anybody, regardless of how many times they have been bailed out. It sure gets old trying to help someone who refuses to help themselves.

Answer 1

When rigor mortis sets in

Answer 2

Maybe your help has merely been seen as a crutch. Maybe you need to "toughen" your love for this person and let them live with mistakes they make, let them drop to the "rock bottom" you mentioned. It doesn't mean you love them any less, you're only allowing the effect of your love - and help - become apparent.

Kind of like the old joke about the farmer and his mule. An old farmer sold this mule to a new neighbor farmer and told the new guy this mule will do exactly as you tell him. Every time! The guy takes the mule and walks away to his farm. A few weeks later the guy brings the mule back and tells the farmer the mule won't do anything he tells it! He wants his money back. The farmer picks up a nearby 2 by 4 and hits the mule right over the head and the mule falls to it's knees! The guy is shocked and says; "I thought you said the mule will do anything I tell it? Why on earth did you do that to the mule?" To that the farmer replies, "Well, sometimes you just need to get his attention."

Hope that helps. Been there, done that.

Answer 3

When you realize you can't. I speak the truth of experience. I tried to help a dearly beloved friend and failed. This was especially painful because I was the ONE, the one people thought could help in ways no one else could, the one people were sure he'd listen to, the one people e-mailed to inform me I needed to step in, the one who, through some malfunctioning logic, should have made some impression, but did not. Even my friend in need told me I was the one who would make him listen. Liars are rampant.

You may not want to accept it, but it's time to quit helping when the person quits listening. For me, it took two very serious lies. I must admit I believed both, though I recognized them as the lies they were and even called him on one. Hope can make you look quite the fool, I dare say.

I'd rather refrain from sharing the details of my hard learned lesson in this matter. I can tell you, it was difficult and the next time I see the person I did everything within my limited power to help, it will still sting like a thousand wasps. I wish to God this person had such "minor" issues as you listed. I am sure he will one day have those as well.

You say the person of which you speak has no respect for anyone. Therein lay the problem. People don't follow the advice of those they don't respect. Neither does the person of which I speak, and so I give not one iota of respect in return; one cannot return what one does not first receive. Letting go is a hard process and I question that I have fully let go. Nay, I know haven't, for it still depresses me on occaision.

I cannot say how to progress from here. I know I will still encourage my friend to change his wrongdoing or not repeat it when possible, but I am not going out of my way to help, though I DO remain supportive, or unsupportive as the case may be. If the person can't deal with his own issues, neither can you. Be there for the person and help when he/she decides to listen, but don't go out of your way. Sometimes tough love is the best option and sometimes showing love means leaving someone to his or her own devices.

Answer 4

There are times that God allows us to stumble and sit in our messes that we have created. Why? So that through the consequences of our actions we might learn to do things the right way next time. Praise God that He loves us enough to let us stumble and even fall at times.

Praise Him again that He is always there, ready to pick us up again once we have humbled ourselves and realized our mistakes.

The important thing is to be there when the person reaches out and asks for help (For the right reasons). How can we know they are sincere? Because they come with a repentant heart, show remorce and sorrow for hurting those around them. They lay themselves aside and begin seeing how their actions are hurting others around them.

This is when we should be ready to help them again as Jesus has said we should "forgive our brother not once, not twice, but "seventy times seven" Seventy times seven being such a large number that it is not possible to really keep a record. We are to simply forgive and continue to show love for one another.

It is important to note that sometimes when we continue to help someone, we are prolonging their suffering and creating circumstances that prevent them from learning important life lessons.

This is a difficult place to ponder. In turning away for a time, are we now helping a person or hurting them?

If you feel led to turn away for a time, just make sure that this person knows that you are doing it for their own good and that when they come to a place where they really want to help themselves then you will once again, be very, sincerely happy to help them.

Answer 5

Sometimes all the help you do, does no good at all. They tend to do what they want to anyway. You stop helping when you realize that they aren't taking any of your advice, and are stuck in a self-destruction mode. I had to give up on two friends. Both I loved and wanted to help, because I believed that they were worth it..... unfortunately, they didn't believe that. So to save myself the pain and stress, I dropped contact. That's not to say I still don't think of them, and (since I'm wiccian), I still do spells to help them clear their minds and someday find the right path. But you can't keep beating yourself up because you can't help them. People need to go their own path, no matter how self-destructive it seems to you, and is to them. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSABLE, they are, and the sooner you learn that, the better off you'll be.

Answer 6

We should never stop trying to help others. If others had not helped me, I wouldn't be alive today. I would most likely died homeless and drunk. I would probably be in hell at this very moment, but Praise The Lord, someone cared enough to take the time over several years to help me get my life turned around. That one being was God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. There is hope for everyone and anyone. All we have to do is get them to listen, which is hard to do at times.

Answer 7

I will use my son on this answer. He has lived with my mom and step father since he was almost 2. They have given him everything and they never taught him responsibilty. Now he is 18 and he want get a job cause of his girlfriend. I personaly would kick him out even if it meant he lived on the street. Not cause I didnt love him, but he has to grow up. I have fussed with my mother on this, and she knows I am right. You can only help someone for so long. Sooner or later they need to take responsibilty for themselves. Jesus said in his word if you dont work you dont eat. Its great people want to help others but they need to help themselves too.

Answer 8

Maybe once you help them. Maybe even a second time.
But the bible says that willful none support is reason enough to leave a man. If he doesn't support the family and you have to what do you need him around for? At that point your are an enabler. You don't make him work and he still gets to eat? Why change. Unless he has mental problems, and simply can't work.

Answer 9

In that case you can help if that person asks for help, but don't mess in their lives if you haven't been asked to, because if you do so they will end up been angry with you...and destroying their lives anyway. There are some people that just can't be helped.

Answer 10

I think it depends on the tolerance of the person who's helping.