Alcoholism?

Question

I need your advice. My dad drinks, a lot, I mean one weeks limit every single day, not kidding. But I was wondering if he was just going through a midlife crisis, or if he was an alcoholic, he doesn't drink during work, he works for his self so he schedules it around that. I dont know.
Please dont answer if it's silly.

I tried talking to him, he just denies it. He's a completely different person when he's drunk, yes he can be violent, but he mostly just shouts abuse.

Answer 1

Alcoholism, as you know is serious and it sounds like you have figured it out, but he has not. You can't make someone admit that they are an alcoholic, but you can talk to him to say how you feel about his alcohol consumption. With alcoholics, they go through life in denial and avoiding, only until he recognizes he has a problem will he get the help he needs. All you can do is set a boundary with him. If you do not like being around him when he drinks, then you can establish that boundary with him. you don't have to agree or participate with him by allowing him to be around you when he is drunk.

Your dad sounds like a functioning alcoholic. You might want to go to alanon for family members. It will help you identify yourself in the co-dependency pattern. Good luck and I wish you and your dad well. God Bless.

Answer 2

I would say your Dad has a drinking problem. Don't jump straight to AA, though. Statistics show that AA only works for 5% of the people that begin it. I for one, used to drink A LOT, in fact I was what the people on this board would describe as a "functioning alcoholic." I tried AA but I didn't like how they tried to tell me I was powerless, had to give up control to a higher power, and say that I have a disease. I didn't want my entire life to be about not drinking, and so I left. The way I cut down on my drinking was to get therapy to address the underlying reasons why I was drinking, and just exercise some good old fashioned restraint and cut down. I used the approach called "Managed Moderation."

I wouldn't go to him and say "you're an alcoholic" because that's a very stigmatizing label and he'd probably just get mad (I would). Instead, just talk to him and tell him completely honestly how his drinking affects you and that when he's drinking he's a different person, and that you think he needs to get some help. Be sure you do this while he's sober, of course, and if your mom is there get her in on it too. Then see what happens from there and remember the 12-step approach is not the only way to go.

Answer 3

More than likely. If he's downing more 4-5+ beers a day or having more than a 4-5 shots a day then he's probably what we call a "Functioning Alcoholic"

My wife's aunt is like this. For years she stayed sober while she went to work but as soon as she got home she started drinking. She spends most of her evenings passed out somewhere in her house and has finally gotten to the point where she has begun having a drink or two in the mornings before she goes to work (and at lunch sometimes.)

She's also facing bankruptcy because of it as well.

She's in her 50's and has been drinking like this since her 20's though. So it can go on for a long time.

Answer 4

Sweetie, your dad IS an alcoholic.My dad is too. He says he's a drunk because alcoholics go to meetings. In a sense what he means is he knows he drinks too much, but he could care less about changing, regardless of who he hurts in the process *he threw me out on the street, I had to call the cops on him, they damn near arrested him...it was ugly, and he looks back on it as though I should have pacified him*. Just because he works doesn't mean he isn't. There are some highly functioning alcoholics out there. My dad was drunk all the time at home, but never drank when he was on the road *he was a trucker*. I saw my dad once put away an entire bottle of Jim Beam while chasing each shot with beer.

Anyway, I wish you all the luck in the world.

Answer 5

Alcoholism is different for every person. Someone who doesn't know when to stop or someone who only gets throught the time they aren't drinking by thinking and counting down the time till they do get to drink is an alcoholic. Violence, poor attendence, and lack of health are all side affects of alcoholism. Not everyone has these side effects. However they all have that need to drink. If the alcohol consumes their minds then there is a problem.

I would sit down with your mom and ask her what she thinks. Or i would sit down with both your mom and dad (when he has not been drinking) and tell him how you feel. I don't know the relationship you have with him. You know what is best for you to do.

Answer 6

it is said that when a person starts to drink every day, or when they drink alone or when they cannot cope without a drink they are an alcoholic. When it affects their relationships and their carreers then there is an issue. However there is much to be said for a close family members intuition. You know when there is a problem and if you feel the need to ask if he is an alcoholic he probably is.

Answer 7

I think he may have a problem. Is this recent, could it be stress related? Talk to him sober, find out if he's depressed. Is mom around or other relative that knows him well. Get someone on your side.
If he won't admit it and get help there is not much you can do. Don't become an enabler: don't be around when he drinks, don't drink with him, don't cover for him. Love him sober, stay away when he's drinking.
Check out the A.A chapters in your area they offer help to family members dealing with an alcoholic.

Answer 8

It is difficult to deal with a parent's excesses. You could try approaching him with concern, let him know you're worried about him, but chances are it might insult him. He might just be going through a rough time, but as you seem to already understand, that is no excuse for excess. Be sure that if you do decide to approach him he has not already been drinking. That could make matters worse, upset him emotionally and create far more drama than necessary. Just remember the values he obviously instilled in you about that kind of behavior, and try to remind him that he isn't setting a very good example for you right now with that kind of behavior.

This might sound cruel, but maybe you could catch evidence of his cruel drunk behavior on video and play it for him when he's sober?

Answer 9

Only he can determine for himself whether or not he is an alcoholic. If he is (and it sure does seem that way from your description), he should go to Alcoholics Anonymous. Alcoholism is a disease that cannot be cured. In AA an alcoholic can live a great life without having to drink. I know this because it works for me. You can make suggestions but the desire and actions must come from him. As for taking care of yourself, I suggest you check out Alanon. It can be of great assistance to one living with an alcoholic, whether or not the alcoholic is in recovery.

Answer 10

Well, I can't say if he is an alcoholic or not from this alone, but it depends on what you define as one weeks limit mainly. As a general rule, if he depends on the alcohol, he is an alcoholic, if he doesn't need it, then he isn't. However, only he can truly know if he needs it or not, so it can be hard to tell sometimes.