How do you teach young children to be sensitive to race differences?

Question

My husband and I (both white) are trying very hard to raise our children to judge people by their character rather than by the way they look. We have recently moved to a Southern state and are living in a more ethnically diverse area than where we previously lived. My 3 year old daughter has started, in some circumstances, to refer to African-Americans as "chocolate," -- as in "the chocolate man came to our school and told us stories."

I can tell by her reaction to meeting children and adults of different races that she means nothing negative by her comments, but I am concerned that someone will find them offensive. I struggle with whether I should correct her and what I should say to her.

I would appreciate any thoughts and comments on this one. Thanks!

Answer 1

It's pretty common for small children to do things like this, and while I understand your discomfort, I don't think most people would be upset by it. My son, then 2, used to say things like, "Look, that's a brown baby," because he just found it interesting that people looked different. By the time he was three and four, some of his best friends were black and he never seemed to notice that there was any difference between them.

You could just tell your daughter, "You know, that man's not really chocolate, he's just a regular person like you. But people have all different colors of skin, just like they have different color eyes. Your eyes are blue and mommy's are brown."

You can tell her that pigment in your skin is what makes it the color it is, and that kids usually look like their parents. When she talks about the "chocolate" man at school, you can ask her his name and then say, "Oh, you mean Kevin," or whatever it is, when she talks about him again.

Don't make it a big deal, or she will just start to pick up on the fact that there's something different. When my son was interested in "brown babies," I'd just say something like, "She's a pretty baby, isn't she. Look at those cute shoes she has on."

I think that giving her another label for people, like teaching her "African American," just gives her another way to become aware of the difference, rather than learning to accept it. There will be plenty of time for her to learn the accepted terms for such discourse. For now, you don't want her to learn about categorizing, you want her to learn about people.

Answer 2

If you try to have a full fledged conversation with you 3-year-old about race and other issues like that you will probably just confuse her, because you are right the comment sounds innocent.

My advice would be to demonstrate yourself, in the way you describe or talk about people. You can try saying things like "Look at that lady, what a beautiful dress she is wearing." or "Look how talented that man is." Explain how you like different characteristics about people and don't focus on race.

She is still a little young to try to explain all that to her.

When she makes the comment about the chocolate man just tell her. "No, sweetie he is not a chocolate man, he is an African American man."

When she see's your outlook on people it will take affect on her.

A lot of racism these days starts with the family.

If you teach her right then she will learn the right way.

Answer 3

You lead they will follow. It aforementioned suggestions about not making a huge issue out of the 3 year olds comments are good.
Something to be aware of living in the South is that at times you will be faced with racism directed at you because you are white. Sometimes it's direct, sometimes it's subtle. It will challenge you. Fortunately there are a lot of people in the South of all races that know the score and have their act together. Its' the little things and the one on one that make a difference.

Answer 4

Your daughter is just 3 Y/O so she still has ample opportunity to learn. Start telling her now and over time it will stick. You could tell her things like "You dont have to say chocolate, they are called African Americans." She might be calling it that becos other kids at school say that so let her understand that she does not have to say it the way everyone else says it. She is still very young, she will learn.

Answer 5

Their skin reminds her of chocolate. She means nothing more by calling them chocolate than something she enjoys as a treat.

Become friends with the children (and the parents) she goes to school with and she will grow up to respect people regardless of race.

Answer 6

Children learn through example. They will learn a lot by how you react with people of different races.
When my oldest was four, a neighbor kid told her some unkind things about black people. When she told me that she no longer liked black people, this is how I handled it.
I told her that her decisions to like and not like people is up to her and that I support her decisions.
THEN I went on to list the TV shows she could no longer watch and the music she can no longer listen to because of the black people involved in them.
She started to cry and protest that she LIKED those things.
"But they're black," I reasoned. "You don't like black people, remember?"
Then she saw the light and now she knows that people are people. Some are good and some are bad and the race has nothing to do with it.

Answer 7

At 3, she's just telling things as she sees them with no disrespect intended. Chocolate is really nice, actually. Suggestion might be to ask one of your friends, assuming you have an Afro-Amer friend, what they think, how they'd handle it and what would be the best thing to explain to her.

Our neighborhood is richly ethnic. Lots of different shades, cultures, countries and religions. For our kids, people are just people.

Answer 8

Children, of course, lean from what you do. Dont get upself as the word chocolate, she means nothing by it. Dont make a big deal, just make a joke how thats not the right word.

Answer 9

I taught my daughter that people were like pets, some big, some small, some brown, some black etc. Try and influence your child to call the man, by his Name, formal or not rather than dwell on what he looks like, if you can.

Answer 10

Explain to her why people are diffent colors. Explain to her that some people are from England where it is cold and they stayed inside all day. And some people are from Africa where it is hot, so people stay out side all day. Then tell her about sunburns, and how they hurt. Then tell her that God gave people from Africa special skin so they would not get sunburns. That is what my mother told me and what I told my daughter when she was about 3.