How do I get more time with my children?

Question

I have 4 children: 2 teens, a 3 yr old, and 1 yr. old. I work two jobs, morning and afternoon, get home about 5:30. My husband drives truck so his schedule is never the same. At 5:30 I have to get supper ready, usually 2 meals because the little ones need something different, then housecleaning, laundry, homework, baths, etc. I know you'll say "the housework can wait", but it really can't. I have a family of 6 and it gets out of control fast. But then I have 2 babies in daycare that I see a few hours in the evening during the rush of everything. They do help with the chores even though they're babies, it takes more time but they're with me. My husband and I really can't work less hours because we have to pay bills. We do have the kids with us most of the time we're home, evenings and weekends. Is this enough? Am I just feeling guilty for nothing, or do we need to do something different, and what? So far I'm just tired, stressed and rushed. I don't think that's good for the kids.

The older boys do help a lot, they have a chore list everyday and do a lot of extra. They can do laundry from start to finish, know how to properly clean a bathroom, and can cook. My 12 year old can cook most foods without a recipe, can or box. But sometimes I feel I'm also expecting too much from them. Thanks for everyone's input

Answer 1

I know how you feel. I stayed at home for almost 2 years after the last child, but finally had to return to work. Not everyone can stay at home with their kids, it does not make you a bad parent. The fact that you asked the question shows how much you care. Also, there are benefits for the kids too. My 3-year old is thriving in pre-k. As I am a teacher, she has not been lacking in activities to help develop her skills, but she has been showing more interest in wanting to be around other children. She loves playing with the other kids at school and is proud to show me what she has done during the day. The baby is with someone I trust and is happy, though even happier when I pick her up. While returning to work has helped our financial situation, I feel like I am constantly on the go. I am home with the kids until the older ones are off to school and the 16 month old off to daycare, and pick the younger two up at 2:00 and 2:30 to be home for the bus at 3:00. I have evening clients on Monday's and Thursday's, so I am gone from 5:15-7:15. Monday and Wednesday's is Karate, Tuesday's is dance class, ...... the schedule never seems to let up. I have found that a couple things help ease some of the stress: 1) I make extra's of meals on weekends to freeze or use as leftovers, 2) once the baby hit a year old, I stopped with the seperate meals- if one does not like the meal they are allowed to have a sandwich (has worked great with the baby, as she wants what the older ones have anyway and she is not as picky with eating as my 3 year old), 3) I prepare lunches and backpacks the night before and make sure the kids get up early so that the morning is not as rushed- feel like I have quality time with the kids rather than constantly yelling to hurry up and trying to do 10 things at once, 4) I have a huge calendar in the kitchen that I keep track of everyone's appointments, classes, events, meetings, etc- otherwise I am always forgetting something and either missing it or throwing everyone in the car at the last minute, making everyone cranky, (also, my husband knows where we are and can help out if he is home- if it is not in writing it does not exist for him), 5) I do let the cleaning wait until the kids go to bed, or major things until the weekend- they all have specific chores, but the things I do I hold off on so that I can take some time to read to them, play a game, or just talk for a few minutes (makes for a late night for me, but it is worth it). Hope this helps some. Can't say that I am not tired and stressed, but has helped my family. Good luck.

Answer 2

Ok first thing, at ages 1 and 3 your children should be able to eat some or all of what you're making for dinner. So to save some time i'd serve the same meal to the entire family. You can make more kid friendly things with each meal such as mac and cheese or french fries or onion rings or tater tots.
For the housework, i know you want the things done. Since you have 2 teens i suggest delegating to them certain chores that you expect done on a daily basis which could include taking the trash out, washing dishes or loading the dishwasher, vaccuming, putting dirty laundry downstairs (or even throwing in a load when you've accumulated enough clothes for one).

Dont stress yourself out over it. Make the most of time you are spending with your kids. I am a single mom so i understand the importance of needing to work. Just do the best that you can. They will appreciate all of your hard work when they are older. And they will know to work just as hard as you are when they are parents.

Best of luck. You're a great mom!

Answer 3

Well, to start figure out your paycheck and expeses. How much does day care cost? How much for gas going back and forth? The extra for insurance, maintence, ect.
How much are you really making when all this is taken into account?
When you are home together make special time for each one.
For example, Monday and Tues play a board game with the teenagers, Wednesday play a game with the 3 yr old, Thurs do something special with the 1 yr old, making time for each one.

Often when we play a game with our daughter, such as monopoly or some such game that goes on for hours, we will set a timer, and say when the timer goe off, we will count our money and choose a winner.
This is a good compromise.
This will help to insure also that your kids feel like they are important to you. You are making time just for them.
Maybe on weekends you could have a special dinner. If your teenager likes pizza for example (most do) then on Sat, let the teenager have that. On you could let them all have their own special meals or rotate it weekly. This would be another way to insure they feel special to you.

While you are at work, on your break, write a special note to each one. Again, rotate if you want. But say something special about them and leave it on their pillow.

Answer 4

Have you a taken really good look at your finances? How much do you spend in childcare, gas, eating out, clothes for work, etc. You would be surprised at how much money you spend on these things that you wouldn't be spending if you stayed at home with your kids.

quality time is a bunch of nonsense, kids want all of your time, they don't understand if you're having a good teaching moment or bonding during reading time. They just understand that mom is always there to take care of and love them. That she is soft and sweet and fills their belly with good food, and that dad works hard to take care of the family because he is big and strong and can protect them from the boogy man. Even your teenagers see things this way. Trust me, I have six. 2 teens, 4 seven and under. My 17 year old son still looks to his dad for protection and me for yummy food. Your teenagers can work to pay for their own things, that helps considerably.

You should feel guilty, you have 4 kids that someone else raising. I think you know this already and would love nothing more than to be the one raising your own children.

Take a good hard look at the money coming in and going out, what can you cut out? Go to websites that encourage you to live on one income and stay at home with your kids. See what other people have done. You and your husband might be stressed for a little while until you see the peace you have in your home and your husband sees the wife you have become now that you have the time to be one. You are so much more than just another paycheck!

Answer 5

I understand how you feel. You say you have two teens and well as two toddlers. Why don't you have the teens helping you more. Best time for them to learn to cook is young. You may be surprised how much they enjoy it. As far as laundry your teens could be doing that. No you shouldn't feel guilty. Maybe one day a week you can make a day for just family. Use that day to help teach your older children to prepare meals. My daughter is 13, I have been teaching her to cook, nothing to hard but fast and easy. Helping with homework can be a nice way of having time with are kids . Remember if you are feeling stress it does effect our kids. Try to slow down and enjoy, one day we will look back and wish we had . Best Wishes to You and Your Family.

Answer 6

As long as the time you spend is quality time they will love you for it. Kids are smart, they know when they are loved.

A couple of things you might want to try when your husband is home or when the kids go to bed is to get in the kitchen and make some dinners you can freeze. That way at dinner time you can just re-heat. Also try using paper plates when you can, it will save time doing dishes.

Don't worry I honestly think that to many parents overwhelm their kids today with activities and not letting them explore and play on their own. When I was young we could do a little mom or dad time, then play on our own and we were more than happy. We knew they loved us and we grew up self sufficient.

Answer 7

It is not the quantity of time you spend with the children it is the quality of time you spend with them. Spend time doing family projects. Such as having dinner together, having children help set the table, make clean-up after dinner a family event. Watch a movie together in the evening. Or instead of a movie play a board game. Read stories to them at bed time. Stop beating yourself up, In other words it is not the amount of time you have to share with the children but what you do with the time you have. Make the best of the time you have with them.Good luck

Answer 8

Your teenagers can do ALOT of the work. There is no excuse why they can't help. They can certainly help with housework, have chores and do thier own laundry.

Answer 9

I agree with Jevic...gave a good rating to that answer.

Answer 10

Always remember....

It's not the quantity of time you spend with your child, it's the quality of time.