My fiances dad seems like he disowned his only child. We live about 3,000 mile away, when we went to visit him he acted like it was a chore to go to dinner with us and when we arrived he let his wife totally disrespect us. She has 2 of her own, which my fiances father does everything for/with, but when it comes to his only son, he is short on the phone and could care less about what my fiance has to say to him. He has told me more than once he cant understand why his dad is doing this to him and that it hurts him, he wants to talk to him about it, but he doesnt know how. Would it be proper for me to call his dad and ask him what his problem is?
2006-09-26 04:57:38 · 13 answers · asked by madamjenn40 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You know your Fiance better than the people on answers. You need to think about how he is going to feel about it. If it helps he will probably be greatful, but if it doesn't he may be mad. Why doesn't he say anything? I would probably leave it between them, and try to give as much moral support to your man as possible. It may upset him now, but soon you guys will have your own family to worry about. I know it's hard to see the person you love hurt so much, but you won't always be able to make it better. I'm sorry to hear about this, and I hope it all works out for ya.
2006-09-26 05:08:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it would not. If you try to interfere, his father will just throw another hissy fit. Some people are just bad parents, and we as children have to get over it and move on. Your fiance is a great guy, and if his father refuses to respect him for it, it's his loss. He probably will never be able to get over the guilt of knowing that he had no helpful contribution in making his son the wonderful person that he is. And that hurts parents horribly.
My best suggestion is that your fiance confronts his dad. He should tell his father that he forgives him for being incompetent as a father because everything turned out ok all the same. And he should say that he no longer needs a father but a friend, a friend he's known his whole life. And if his father still ignores him, then he should tell his father how disappointed he is to have outgrown his father so soon. After that, there is nothing more that can be said between them. Hopefully his father will realize that it's time to stop making a fool of himself, and be friends with his son.
Good luck.
2006-09-26 12:24:01 · answer #2 · answered by Magina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't step in. Instead support your finance and tell him he can either face the music and confront his dad or resign himself to the fact that his dad has a problem and he should learn to live with it comfortably.
My wife went through the same thing witrh her mom. All I did was out line the choices I thought she had and supported her in whatever she decided.
We no longer go over for regular visits. we only see her on occassions like Christmas.
I should tell you, and you probably already know, that this will be very difficult for your finance and in times when it gets to be too much he may take some of it out on you. Sometimes professional help is useful but you're probably his best support system right now.
2006-09-26 12:07:24 · answer #3 · answered by St.Anger 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok in spite of all the great answers I have read, and agreed on, and voted on, i have one thing to say... yes confront the father,ask the freakin jerk wht his problem is and yes, be blunt. he will be affronted by your bluntness ,and while " supporeting him" and all that emotional stuff is ok, I am a blunt and direct person,and will get to the bottom of stuff. my father in law hates me. WHY??? because I didnt sleep with him, but his son, and I married his " boy" and we have a great life without his father in the way. His dad made it clear that he didnt want ANYTHING to do with us,and that meant the kids. it hurt hubby, but I asked the father what his problem was,and he told me. I told hubby and we havent seen my father in law ( mom in law died when hubby was 12) in 10 years. so,i would ask, but only in the presence of b/f. and make it a family issue, nip it in the bud,and look his mom in the eye and tell her, make her look u in the eye as well, it is an intimidation factor) tht you will not tolerate ANY disrespect from her. Stand up to them,make them accountable,and they will tell you whta is on their minds. be prepared for the worst. Some dads, feel that the son is a " big boy" and should be on his own. totally. maybe the mom is a control freak. ( sounds like it to me,) and that she tells dad what he can /can't do. Anyways, tht is my answer.
2006-09-26 12:27:46 · answer #4 · answered by Dragonflygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't call his father. You're fiance is a very lucky man to have you in his life. All you can do is be there and support him. He should call his dad and tell him how he feels. Invite him to visit you and maybe get the chance to reconnect with him. They need to work this out soon because life is to short to not be with your family.
2006-09-26 12:17:27 · answer #5 · answered by skylark455st2 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No! Take it from me, no matter what you do, do not do that. It will make his dad treat you the exact same way and nothing will be solved. I think you should just be there for your fiancee even though he is hurting so much, nothing can be done until his father is willing to change. And whatever you do, don't get mad if your fiancee continually tries to keep a relationship with his father. Good Luck, hope this helps! :)
2006-09-26 12:00:37 · answer #6 · answered by Tiffany 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes I would call the dad up and let him have a what for. Tell him how he is ripping his own sons heart out by being withdrawn. What can it hurt. I mean the dad can't do anything more to cause pain to your fiancee. Good luck.
2006-09-26 12:02:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say, leave it between the two of them. Getting into the middle of a long-standing family disagreement is the worst thing you can possibly do as you're trying to establish yourself as the new daughter-in-law. Perhaps sometime down the road you can bring up the subject if it continues to affect you in a direct manner.
2006-09-26 12:36:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I was you I would talk to my fiance and help him figure out what to say to his father and how he can approach the issue. Do not call his father yourself, it's not your place. Remember it's between father and son.
2006-09-26 12:04:03 · answer #9 · answered by fiestylady 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, just let them work it out. You guys just lead your own lives. As for the father, you can't make someone love you. It's better if it comes from the heart. Maybe one day he will realize how he treated his son and if he doesn't then it's his loss.
2006-09-26 12:01:26 · answer #10 · answered by rauldp38 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋