My father never wants to spend time with me ( im a girl and im all most 15), bout 1 and 1/2 ago he bribed me to not go to public high school he said he would take me to hawaii i said ill go along with that if he spends more time with me he promised me, well he did not mean that promise. So yesturday i went to talk to him bout it and all he did was turn it back to me and what i did wrong, he called me a stupid b***h. He is a workaholic and this kinda behaver has been going on for all my life it started with my mom and now its my mom and me. He was 3 sons my half brothers they hate him cuz he was not a dad and i swear when i turn 18 im going to cut off any ties i have with my dad. i need some advice on what to do, im confusied please help me. thanks so so mutch.
2006-09-26 04:51:21 · 19 answers · asked by RedneckCuitie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Maybe he's trying to do the best he can or knows how to do and he is frustrated that he can't seem to nail it down. It does happen to those who work all the time trying to make things right but never actually do what everyone wants.
Not all of us have all the right answers all the time. Sometimes we try to do our best and it never works out like we wanted.
I could be wrong - just another side of the issue to think about.
I wouldn't cut him out of your life though, as you get older you will have different views on the world and what he is all about and the same goes for him.
Good luck.
2006-09-26 06:01:19 · answer #1 · answered by jarhed 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He didn't keep his end of the bargain. I would go to public school if that is what you want to do. I am sorry but you can't change another person's behavior. The only thing you can do is hope he realizes the mistake he is making when he pushes you all away. If he treats your mother the same way and she has chosen to stay with him then she probably can't be of much help to you. I know it will be hard but it sounds like you will just have to accept the fact that spending time with you is not where his mind is at right now. I don't really think he understands how much this effects the other people in his life. He probably thinks that by working so hard he is providing a good life for you and you should notice the sacrifice he is making on your behalf. What he and many other men fail to realize is that the most important things that a wife and children need can't be bought with all the money in the world.
2006-09-26 05:05:52 · answer #2 · answered by Suesan W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm sorry to hear that. Your father is one of those people that should have never had children and does not deserve to have you as a daughter. I know that parents can make us mad and hurt us at times, but honestly, he is your dad and he is the only dad you're ever going to have. And I can totally understand why you wouldn't ever want to have anything to do with him ever, but if you want to have some sort of relationship with him then try this...take the high road...and it will make you feel better in the long run. Do this, send him a card. Make it plain and simple. Explain to him that him calling you names really hurt you, but you just miss him and you still love him. (That will put a big guilt trip on him.) Or maybe it won't, but at least you made the effort. The ball will be in his court to respond. He will realize some day when he is old and gray and lonely and money no longer buys him that temporary happiness fix that he really messed up with his children. That he treated them so badly none of them want anything to do with him. But the key to any relationship is communication. Either by phone just to say hello, drop a little card or note in the mail, or just email him. Maybe that will make you closer to him that way if the 2 of you can't spend time at least that is better than nothing. If not, you can never blame yourself for not trying to keep a connection going with him. All the fingers will point to him. Good luck!
2006-09-26 05:04:33 · answer #3 · answered by Melissa M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your in a hard situation. you obviously love your dad or you wouldn't care about spending time with him. Try getting involved in what he's doing around the house or try small steps like going for ice cream. If he's a workaholic Hawaii is a huge step for him to just drop work and go. Just grab small amounts of time when you can and let him know how much that time means to you. Hopefully then you can make progress together. Work sometimes can be like a drug addiction so be patient with him. Please don't cut him out of your life, even if he doesn't show his feelings for you the way you think he should I'm sure they're there. Besides cutting him off wouldn't only hurt him it would hurt you to. (I've been there.) It only makes you regret the time you lost.
2006-09-26 05:09:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your Dad has a problem not you. Some men, not necessarily your dad, have problems relating to girls but you say he's not a father to your brothers either so it must be young people he has problems with. It's very sad for you and him because he may wake up one of these days an realize what he missed while his children were growing up. If he is paying the bills -- clothing, feeding, sending you to school etc. you really don't have many choices right now. You tried to talk to him and if he called you names I would speak to my Mom and explain what you are going through. Try not to give up yet! 3 years isn't that long --- believe me. You need your college education paid for and if you cause a serious rift in the family now that might not happen. Please hold on. You sound like a strong young lady. Good Luck.
2006-09-26 05:08:56 · answer #5 · answered by SNOOP 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a kid it is hard to understand our parents. What you have to realize is that they are human and have flaws and make mistakes. Is your dad the dad you wish him to be, NO...is he still your dad and better than a lot of other dads, YES. Our parents aren't perfect, and our childhood is not perfect but I can guarantee you there are a lot of other kids in this world that are a lot worse off than you and would give anything to be as lucky as you and have parents like yours and a life like yours. So go ahead and be hurt and upset, that is your right but realize also that you have it pretty good and be thankful for all you do have. You will never gain anything from cutting off all ties from your dad because even if you do, he will still always be your dad. I've found some times we learn to understand and accept our parents more as we get older.
2006-09-26 04:57:55 · answer #6 · answered by rkrell 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I wish I could help, but it sounds like you might be best just cutting off all ties. I know he is your dad but he sounds like a liar and a manipulator. Good parents and mature parents do not make promises to their kids they do not intend to keep and they do not call them names.
It is not your fault and has nothing to do with you. Just remember you mom loves you and be the best you can be for her. Forget about your dad and let him suffer the consequences of being a bad parent.
2006-09-26 04:59:36 · answer #7 · answered by grudgrime 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I noticed that two times you referred to him as your "father" and not your dad or daddy. I feel there in lies the problem. He has been a father, but not a daddy and from what you describe, he has not been. Don't cut ties, that only hurts both of you and many times he can not see the forest for the trees. It is okay to move on and it is sad that he called you any names like that, but do not become your father and start to act like him. Too many times, we become the people we can not stand because we want to make them feel like we feel. Rise above it, love him unconditionally and when it is time to move on, move on.
2006-09-26 04:57:30 · answer #8 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
try to spend more time watching ur dad if u can, he might have developed a drinking and/or drug habit from the stress of working. it is a very easy habit to get into. if he is try to get him some help(older adults) if not just accept this is ur father and he does love you, he just dont know how to show it, so just do what you do in ur normal routine, and let him go his way.
2006-09-26 05:00:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give your dad an ultimatum and see how he responds. Try sending him a letter or email and see if you can communicate that way. Just live your life without him and maybe he will come around. Good luck.
2006-09-26 04:56:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋