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My wife and I are expecting a baby boy in 2 weeks and currenty have 4yr old and 2 yr old daughters. They will not go to bed without mom in their with them and when they wake up they cry and come to our room. We have tried letting them just cry it out but they always end up puking. I work alot of odd hours and on call half of the month but when I try to get them to go to sleep with me they don't want me in the bed. We are at our wits end and are wondering what will happen when the new baby gets here. Also we have started to blame on another for this dilema. Any advice would truely be appreciated.

My wife bathes them at 7 and reads to them from 8 till 9 and she just can't leave the room without them going nuts

Answer 1

my daughter acts the same way, i am so fed up with the behavior, that i send her dad in to get the things she needs when i cant. i let her know, that crying is not gonna change anything and that mommy needs daddys help. she is getting the point. and the crying doesnt last as long. and i went hrough the puking too. and it hasnt happened in 3 months, cause the last time mydaughter put her hand down her throat to puke out of anger, i made her hepl me clean it. like get the towels and made her stand over me while i cleaned it, she hasnt done it again. your kids are just testing their limits, dont be afraid to let them cry, even if they do puke, it is your house and you and your wife need resolution to thiis before the new baby gets here. she will be very worn out if you dont put your foot down. and please dont put the balame on each other. work together. the kids need to realize that just because you are at worrk all day, you are still the dad, you and mom are the boss, and there are rules. i recommend the book
what t o expect in the toddler years.

Answer 2

The need to have a constant routine! No matter what time any of the adults go to bed, children need to go to bed at the same time every night.
One of the biggest mistakes is sleeping with the children. Children need to have their own bed and to sleep in them by theirselves. That might sound mean but it's true. It's okay to let them get in bed with you when they are little but now the oldest one is 4? Get them a night light and make sure they have a stuffed animal of some sort to sleep with.
I went through the same thing with my two children when they were that age.
What we did to change the bedtime was , baths were at 7pm. then brushing the teeth, then into pjs, and story time. We put a chair into their bedroom and would stay with them until they fell asleep. We always left the door open to their room so we could hear them too.
There was only one or two arguments with the 4 year old at first but once he saw that we would be there if he needed us he calmed down and went to sleep.

Answer 3

You need to start a nightly routine that is consistent every night. If the girls end up coming in, in the middle of the night carry them back to their own beds and tuck them back in. Give them a night light if they need it or a special toy or blanket that they can only have at bedtime. Also, check the temperature in their room to make sure it's comfortable - not too hot or too cold. You can also try playing some soothing music for them during story time that continues to play after you have left the room. They are just going through a phase with all the excitement of the new baby coming. Be patient and consistent.

Answer 4

That is a hard one to answer. But in reality, you are both to blame...they have no independence when it comes to going to bed at night and Mom is the security they feel they need because of it. You could start by putting them in bed, with Mom sitting in the room...they are not aloud to talk etc...and Mom isn't even to look at them. Each night move a little closer to the door and eventually sitting outside the door...once you feel comfortable tell them that it's bed time and they are not aloud to get out...if they do then simply put them back in bed and tell them good night the first time...if they get up again...just simply put them back in bed without saying anything. It will take a while for them to get into the routine, not quite as quick as they learned that crying will get them their way, but it's worth a shot. Suggestions with the new baby...let him sleep in his own bed from day one, so you won't have this problem.

Answer 5

Start talking up the fact that they will be big sisters soon. Let them know that the new baby is going to need lots of attention and will be lots of work for everybody in the house. Tell them that big sisters need to set good examples for the little one. Tell them that they are going to have jobs to do to help out when the baby comes out. Give them little tasks like getting fresh diapers or wipes...little things that can still involve them in the process. Also, let them know that they can't cry at night because it will wake the little one up.

Try to have a conversation with the 4 year old and see if there is anything in particular that is bothering them about their room that makes them want to go to the other room for comfort. For my daughter, I had to put a small lamp with a 25 watt bulb in it on her desk and it stays on all night. That helped.

You can get books that are targetted at kids about new babies. If you focus your conversations on how a new sibling is coming, the older kids get somewhat jelous because the focus of the conversations is on the other kids and not them. We talked up the fact that the existing kid was going to be a big sister and all of the responsibilities that went along with that. They got excited about have a new role.

Answer 6

Watch the Nanny. She is always helping families with bedtime routines.
Put them to bed. When they come out, return them and say goodnight, the next time return them and do not say anything. This could go on for awhile and may take a few nights, but persistence will pay off. Do not give in to them even if you are tired. They will eventually get tired too and the situation will get resolved.

Answer 7

Are they with Mom all the time. You may need to socialize them. If your wife is a stay at home mom and is with them all the time, they will get separation anxiety. She needs to ween them off if her a little. They will learn that the world is not so scary when mom is not or can not be there all the time.

I will not place blame, but since it is her they are crying for and she is the one to lay down with them, it appears as though she has trained them to need her their at night. (I can't say for sure because I don't know her). Especially since both of them are experiencing this.

My suggestion would be to ween them off mom a little, set up play dates with them, have you put them to bed once in a while and let them cry and if they puke ( know it sounds mean, but clean up) calm them down and let them lie down again and leave them alone. They WILL fall asleep, and it will get easier for you and them everyday. It sounds as though sleeping and waking to mom and crying has become part of the routine.

Answer 8

My wife and I have 2 boys 10 yrs and 6 yrs and went through a similar stage with our 10 year old.
He was constantly out of bed, cried. When my wife was away he would cry till he vomited.
He would carry around pictures of her, or her silky nighty.
It was heart braking. And very distressing for me to watch.
This is what I did.
I would give him a bath after dinner, a warm bubble bath.
I let him choose a colour from a box of food colouring, and I would drip a few drops in the water. He would mix it in and the water would change colour. (too many choices for toddlers is upsetting and confusing to them we found, better to simply tell rather than ask).
I'd sit on the bathroom floor and have a chat about the bubbles or the rubber duck. Sometimes I would get in with him and wash his hair.
It was all very soothing, and not playful. it was what we called 'quiet time'. Sometimes we lit candles....something they still enjoy today when we can be bothered.
I would start to add some pretend yawns in, as I dressed him in his Pyjamas. I'd sing a song that I made up about moon and stars, and loving him to as high as the moon was and all loving stuff that made him feel very happy.
then I let him choose a book (It ended up being about 3).
I chose the books first so it was only stuff i could be bothered reading, whilst adding his favourite into the pile.
The pile he got to choose from was only about 5 books.
From there we would cuddle up in his bed and read the first book. I would use a quiet voice, and ruffle his hair and add some more fake yawns. Then I would sit on the edge of his bed and "snuggle, snuggle, snuggle" him. Whch was just tucking him in from his shoulder to his feet, and back up again, kinda slipping the sheet tightly under his frame. He loved that.
then I read the second story, then if I could i'd sit on the floor next to his bed to read the third.
From there, we had netted christmas lights that looks like a fishing net with clear fairy bulbs that faded on and off tacked to his ceiling.
We found that simulated a child when they are tired and they open and close thier eyes as they struggle to stay awake. We switched those on, and turned off the light, we swapped our hallway light with a blue light bulb as it was less bright.
I would sit in his room for a few minutes and then tell him I would come and check on him. Within 2 minutes i would check on him. then every few minutes after that i would stick my head in the door and smile, and say as if too myself,"Thats my good quiet boy".
Then my wife and I would say so he could hear what a good boy he was being.
We did this each night, slowly making out checks on him less and less frequent. The key for us was to check really often in the start, even setting up a bean bag and just slothing out on the floor, moving closer to the door.
All this worked, and I still snuggle my 10 year old, although now it is kind of a joke, although I know he really loves it still.
It takes time, try not to show your stress, it may just feed their bed time anxiety. Try and make sure they have done EVERYTHING they could possibly need to do before they are in bed also.
You may need to adapt this for 2 children, put one into bed earlier than the other.
And as the dad, and the unwanted one in the bed, you need to find away to bond with your children at night time.
I hope what worked for us, works for you.

Answer 9

Start a new nightly routine that revolves around you a bit more. Start off with one changeat a time so they can adjust gradually. this is what we will start doing with our 2 year old.

Answer 10

sounds to me like mommy needs a vacation without daddy and the children so daddy can deal with this situation.
i'm afraid that too much will be put on mommy and she will go off the deep end.
at 4 years old, making herself puke, she can clean it up - won't happen again unless she's sick. if the 2 year old pukes, too, the 4 year old can clean that up , too; she's the one teaching the 2 year old to puke - she can unteach it , too.
a week in the house without mommy there -- they will pass out - eventually. if they try to climb into bed with you , put them back in their own beds. let them know that they are safe and go back to your own bed. if they follow, put them back. sit outside their door if you have to.