A friend of mine who lost a very close family member, over a week ago, was telling me she has not yet heard from her pastor. He hasn't called or offered any support what so ever. This made me really angry, granted the family member that died was not a member of my friend's church, but I can't believe the pastor hadn't called my friend who is a very active member in her church. I haven't had to deal with this yet, thank goodness, so I wasn't sure, but I would think a week would be too long for a pastor to wait to call and offer condolences. Anyone know a little about this kind of situation? Honestly, I'm stumped.
2006-09-26 04:08:12 · 8 answers · asked by WREAGLE 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Thanks everyone so far, just to add though, my friend emailed the church and her Sunday School class to let them know what had happened and when the services would be. Also, my friend's pastor had lunch with the pastor who was speaking at the funeral the day after the death and they spoke about the family briefly.
2006-09-26 04:23:05 · update #1
Most pastor's call as soon as they know about something like that. If he has not contacted her, it may be because he does not know. Rather than get offended, may I suggest that you might want to call him and let him know what happened and that you friend would like to hear from him. After that, if he does not call - or have someone call on his behalf - then she has a problem.
How many times has something happened, and you did not find out about it until days later?
2006-09-26 04:18:15 · answer #1 · answered by dewcoons 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I'm not a minister, but the pastors at the three churches i have attended, didn't call. They get in their cars and drive to where ever the family is to offer support in person.
Now, in defence of this person's pastor. Does he know? Seriously, if no one told him, he would have no way of knowing. It seems kinda basic, but an example: I was very involved in my church and was considered a "ministry leader" but I was on summer break from my responsibilities. Got real sick, in bed a week, ended up with 105 fever for two days and then spent 7 days in the hospital. My husband was so busy taking care of our children, staying with me, and working that he did not have time to call anyone to let them know how ill I was. My senior pastor did not find out until I got home what happened. He felt bad, but I didn't blame him, no one told him how sick I was.
Same thing could be happening here. If it was a family member of a church member, and the deceased didn't live in town or it is a large city, there's a good chance that your friend's pastor just didn't know.
do not judge him, instead encourage your friend to simply ask her pastor next time she sees him. "by the way pastor, did you know Aunt Gertrude passed on two weeks ago?" the look on his face will tell her.
2006-09-26 11:20:29 · answer #2 · answered by Terri 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
My husband is a pastor and one of the problems we experience, is that people assume he knows that someone has passed, or ill. But, that is not always the case.
Someone needs to call her pastor and let him know and tell him the person needs a visit.
If he knows, at the very least he should call, but there is always the chance he doesn't know so call him and tell and ask if he knows.
Once in a while people will get irritated and say to my husband, "You know so and so's brother was in the hospital and you didn't do see him"
That is because he didn't know. Nowadays with the Privacy Acts, he can't get a list of people in the hospital or call and ask about anyone--so we depend on people telling us when someone is ill or passed away.
2006-09-26 11:19:36 · answer #3 · answered by chris 5 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Honey, I called my Mother's pastor from the hospital like 5 minutes after we were informed my Father would die within the next 1-3 hours. Instead of saying he would come right over, he said he'd see us the next day to make "the arrangements" but he and his wife had plans that evening.
2006-09-26 11:13:27 · answer #4 · answered by Dhara 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He may not know about it. If your friend needs support from her church, it's not hard for her to make an appointment to meet with her pastor to talk about ways to grieve, pray about it, etc. She can't just expect people to know what's wrong if she's not telling anyone either (although I know nothing about thie situation).
It depends too on how big the Church is. It's possible that if it's a big church, that the pastor is really busy with sermon writing, service planning, budget checking, church administration, supervising music, deacons, lay ministers, other staff, etc. that his pastoral care role is lacking. He may be just plain busy. Give him the benefit of the doubt.
2006-09-26 11:17:08 · answer #5 · answered by GLSigma3 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
My Dad is pastor and as soon as he gets word of it, he gives the call. Don't wait for the sadness to pass. Go to them while they are still hurting. That is when they need you most.
2006-09-26 11:11:59 · answer #6 · answered by Chase S 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Does he know about it even? This happened recently to a relative and the pastor didn't know anything about it. If he did know about it and did nothing, then shame on him.
2006-09-26 11:12:30 · answer #7 · answered by Red neck 7 · 4⤊ 2⤋
As soon as you find out that it has happened, but not just call go by and see them.
2006-09-26 11:18:03 · answer #8 · answered by blwingleaf 1 · 3⤊ 2⤋