My son is attached to my mom like you wouldnt beleive! When i had him i lived with my mom and it was her first grandchild and she spoiled him. I moved out when he was 3 months old and he stayed the night with her every saturday night, then once he was like 2 years old he started being with her everyday from like 3 p.m. until she went to work at 8:00 p.m. which was fine with me because he had a 8 month old sister it was a nice break every day ( my mom lives across the street from me)! When he was 4 I went to Cinncinatti to visit a friend and my mom didnt want me to take him with me so i took my daughter and let my son stay with my mom I was gone for 3 weeks, When i came back my son didnt want to come home, So for almost a year he has been at my moms, she dosent have custidy of him or anything...he just would rather be there then with me...I see him everyday and he spends the night with me a couple times a week but he cries for my mom! He is 5 and i want my son back, what can i do!
2006-09-26 04:07:02 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
I am a good mother I dont want anyone to think that is the reason he dosent want to come home!! My daughter doesnt act like this!
2006-09-26 04:08:21 · update #1
You need to MAKE him come home.He might be upset about it at first but he will get over it.Your Mom needs to help you too, by telling him he needs to go back to his real house with his real Mom.Maybe she could tell him she has alot of things to do and it's time he went back home.Let him know he can still go spend the night with Grandma sometimes, justnot as often.Is your Mom willing to help you or is she gonna fight you on this?I hope she doesn't.It's not fair to you or your little boy.I hope everything works out.Good luck!!
2006-09-26 04:13:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I will start by saying that you need to be a parent and not a friend. I am a parent of 2 (8 and 4), and have similar situations arise in the past, but squashed them before they became issues. The reason he wants to stay with your mom is because he gets spoiled there (as stated in your question). This does not mean that it is a healthy environment for your son at your moms. In fact, that would make your mom's house the more unhealthy environment. Kids are kids, and they are full of "Id" (referance psychology relating to only caring about self). They are not trying to be menacing or hurtfull, but they want what they want when they want it. Allowing this behavior to continue into adolecance and, god forbid, adult hood would be a huge dis-service to your son, and would cause all sorts of early adult hood society adjustment and behavioral issues. My suggestion is that you be the mother and put your foot down (and consider moving further than 1 house away from your mother - not to be discussed in this thread), and make your son come home, establish clear boundaries in discipline, and temporarily (like a year or 2) establish controled visitation with your mom. It sounds harsh, but your son is now VERY addicted to your mother because she feeds his "Id".
2006-09-26 04:22:28 · answer #2 · answered by Brian D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, who's the adult? Make him come home and tell him if he acts up he won't see grandma as much. that is about all you can do. If you let this go on he might never want to come home.
is there something over there he has that he doesn't have at your house? do you think he is jealous of the attention your new daughter is getting cause he is nolonger the only child? Is he just simply getting more attention from grandma cause his sister isn't there? This could be just a way of him feeling like you give your daughter more attention and he sees that gma will be able to give more attention than you.
2006-09-26 04:16:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try spending time with him With your mom. See what tactics she uses to reach him. Bond with him and share laughs together. Just because he "wants" to be with your mom more doesn't mean he does not want to be with you. Your His Mother! He needs to know this and have you in his life every single day. Please don't take offence to this but learn what you can from your mom and take over. If you leave him there he will grow up with a false sence of security and wonder why you were not there. I know you said he wants to be there, something there is fun to him and that is what he wants. I have three kids and I would never let anyone, even my mom, raise them. Visiting is great but hard earned Mommy points are even more rewarding.
2006-09-26 04:16:33 · answer #4 · answered by Lynn L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be his MOM. Make a plan with the help of your mother to have him back with you full time. Start by increasing his staying with you one day at a time per week, until he is with you 7 days. Going to Grammas should be a treat.
Have family visits, not him by himself for a while. Let her also increase her time with your daughter, so you can have alone time with him. Good Luck!
2006-09-26 04:13:15 · answer #5 · answered by Kim S 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Talk too your mom tell her how you feel. your son is yours not your Moms. but be thankful for your Mom.shes helped you alot. tell your son he has to come home but can still see grammy every day at night you can take him across the street for a good night kiss. you need to get control of this situation before it gets out of hand .and you lose him to her forever if hes not in school yet you best do it before school starts. or you maybe having confrantions with your mom come parent teacher confrence time.Good luck i wish you the best.
2006-09-26 08:34:40 · answer #6 · answered by little_outlaw_angel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you need to explain to your Mom that he is your child and she is the Grandparent. If he is to spend time with her, that is great...I wish my Mom lived in the same state...must be nice to have her across the street. Move your child back home with you and just tell him that you are the mommy, not Grandma and little boys should live with their mommies.
2006-09-26 05:00:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i grew up in a similar situation. my mom and i lived with my grandparents for a few years when i was young. it was after we had left my dad. when she moved out again i stayed with them for a year or so. she came back to get me and i wanted to stay with them too. i think it's a comfort thing. it was what i knew and i was scared to leave. we worked out a compromise and i lived with my mom (and her boyfriend who later became her husband and my step-dad) and i stayed the weekends at my grandparents' house. it was something for me to look forward to. i was spoiled by them also. but...i don't know. find some kind of compromise that works for everyone. it wasn't easy for me, that's for sure. i actually remember being shoved into my mom's car and i was hysterical. i really wanted to stay. your mom also lives across the street. that's pretty close.
2006-09-26 04:21:06 · answer #8 · answered by practicalwizard 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just try and spend more time with him. as much as you can. he will get use the the fact that you are his mom and not that his gran is his mom.
make quality time and that he would like to stay with you as much as he wants. not just because he have to because it suit your sedule. make him feel special. i don't mean that you need to buy him presents and gifts and stuff. but go out to the park and have a long chat feeding the ducks.
God bless
2006-09-26 04:15:15 · answer #9 · answered by cry 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your son thinks that his grandmother is *his* mother, as he has spent more bonding time with her. I recommend contacting the local community mental health counseling center and have some family counseling to help you through this rough period and to provide you with the skills to get though this challenge.
2006-09-26 04:16:51 · answer #10 · answered by Clown Knows 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋