Any advice on how not be to over protective of my 14 year old son?

Question

My son is 14, 15 in feb, i have become completely over the top lately about letting him out etc.
The area we live in is not the best of areas, although by no means the worst.
What is an appropriate time for him to be in of an evening, at the moment i hate him even going out.
I know i cant wrap him up in cottonwool forever, but i worry constantly that something could happen to him etc, it is driving me insane and him of course.
Any advice how i can learn to stop being so neurotic.

Answer 1

a good time to make him be in is say that he has 15 minutes after strett lamps come on this way its more flexible and you don't have to worry he is out in the dark. thats what my mum said until i was 16. And if he hasn't got a mobile buy him one make sure he has credit on it and stop worring it will only cause arguements and cause you wrinkles lol good luck and try doing things while he is out keep your mind off

Answer 2

The best thing is to sit down with your son and discuss what is a reasonable time acceptable to both of you. Ask him where it is he wants to go and who with. Let him bring friends home so you know who he's with. If he's got somewhere to go thats a safe environment maybe allow him to be home later or arrange to pick him up. Whatever happens try to always be there for him as a friend as well his mum - no-one says its easy but being too paranoid will only drive him away or lead to him telling lies to please you. Far better if he can talk to you about anything and then you get the chance to advise him rather than you dont know at all.

Answer 3

First off...my parents lost me from being too overprotective.....(i'm in my 30's now and have just recently let it go....my life could have been MY life...would have been nice)

My 14 y/0 during the summer has to be in when the street lights are old(when she's 15 that will be extended).
In the winter she can stay out until 830 on school nights and 930 on the weekends. When she goes out I expect to know who she will be with and when I can expect her home. If she is going to be late, she has to call. She may not call and say I will be home in half an hour when she is supposed to be home no that is unacceptable). If she is going out by herself(bike riding, walking,) I just want to kno wthe general area she is going in.
We have just moved to a smaller town and there are lots of places to go hiking, if she decides to do that she must take one of our dogs with her(I do the same, my reasoning with that is because she's female

Answer 4

Well, it sounds like the area has things going on. I also have a 14 yr old. Where I live, my son could stay out all night, and hed be fine....of course I dont let him.. I make him be in by dark....unless hes in the yard, then I give him more time.

I think by dark is acceptable. I was very protective for so long, and my hubby kept telling me to lay off and not be such a worry wart. Its hard to NOT worry about them. I have gotten better, but its cuz hes getting older and he tells me himself that he'll be fine and to just quit worrying. I got better when he told me himself, that hed be fine.

Its tough tho, I know the feeling.

If I were you, Id just keep an eye on who hes hanging around with.

Answer 5

LillyRose

You sound like a very responsible mum. I commend you. If more parents were like you then the world would literally be a better place. I think you are right to be protective. The world is a very wicked place right now, with far more temptations out there then when you or I were teenagers. Drugs, pornography, alcohol abuse, to name some of the worst addictions not to mention teenage sex and sex outside marriage and all the repropcussions which follow (depression, stds, loss of self esteem, unwanted pregnanceis, abortions children themselves becomming parents, to name but a few ). In the Bible in Proverbs it says "Bring up a child in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart form it". I know of many families where the children have grown up to be responsible kind and good adults that contribute much to society. They follow their parents example. Again I commend you for being concerned

My advice is this:- Be a good example to him in everything - virtue, honesty integrity kindness etc. - which I'm sure you already are. Let him know how much you love him. Share your values with him. Let him know how you would like him to live his life. Encourage him to get all the academic training he can. Always know who his friends are - at his age friends have a powerful infleunce for good or evil. Instill confidence in him by praising the things he does well. Then he is less likely to succomb to peer pressure. I wouldn't let him hang out at weekends untill 11:00. I would have structured activites. For instance bowling with his friends and you and other partents can pick them up. Get him involved in local service projects. The Church I belong to (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints see lds.org) provides great activities for our Youth where they can mix with their peers who have the same values as they do. There are dances and other social activites in fact about 8 things a month that they can do. My husband encouraged me to let you know this. Perhaps above all - pray for him. There is a power greater than us all. There is one who loves us above all. Your son is also heavenly Fathers son and he more than anyone knows what will work best. I will be praying for you too.

Answer 6

me too, mine just 15!! we need to cut the umbilical a little bit and boy does it hurt!!! do like me, give a little and see what happens, if all good give a little more, always know where he is and who with, if he has a phone insist it's always on and with him, make him check in each hour, phone, text etc, pick him up if he's a distance away don't let him walk alone, if he is staying at a friends house, check it out with friends mum, I do this, it's not over the top, it's looking after your kids from a distance, I drive miles to collect mine, I would never forgive myself if that once I didn't ...............we can only do our best, a bit at a time good luck xx

Answer 7

I agree with you because I have a 14 year old son too and I do not let go out too much because I am afraid for his safety. What I did is let him get into programs that will keep him busy, so he will not have to go out and hang out.

He loves basketball, so I made him sign up at a league and he goes every Friday. I drop him off and I pick him up..

For the summer I would have my husband take him to the park with his brother and sister and we would let him play for a good 2 to 3 hours and then my husband will bring him home.

Do not let him hang out because you might regret it. If he is going anywhere make sure you know where and with who... (Good Luck)!!!!

Answer 8

Let him make his own decisions, not on major stuff but where he goes, etc. Get him a cell phone so you can contact him and he can contact you. Let him know that you will be there for him no matter what. Just take a couple of deep breaths and trust him to make the right decisions, I'm sure you've taught him well.

Answer 9

The best advice I have learned over the years is,
that information is the best advice,
make sure your son has information
on everything that he may encounter,
the boy scout motto
be prepared ,
is the perfect advice in life,
Every teenage needs to know about
things they will encounter,
sex,protection,birth control,child support
and responsibilities toward babies
conceived in any situation..drugs,diseases,
consequences,laws,responsibility,
prioities,such as education,
to prepare for the best life has to offer.
the teenager that gets in trouble,
is most likely uninformed or misinformed.
They need to be encouraged on things
that are interested in.
in areas of sports,music,art,etc.
They need to feel they can talk to someone
about everything,and anything,
so be open,and not condemn then for their feelings.
Find time and things that you enjoy together,
to occasionally do,to hold on to your closeness.
Than,
You just have to close your eyes,
say a prayer.
let go,
and know when they fly away,
they take the things you have taught them,
with them.
Than look at your own life,
and find new things that interest you,
it's your time for life now.
Enjoy!

Answer 10

Talk to him! Communication allays fears and prevents paranoia!
It also creates trust ......
As a secondary teacher I see a lot of parents like yourself. There's nothing wrong with caring for your children. I don't doubt he will agree with this. I also don't doubt that if you discuss your concerns with him, explain your reasons, you and he can come to an amicable agreement about going out, how he dresses, how he behaves, times to be back etc etc Give him the chance to prove to you that all the care and love you've given him while bringing him up to this age - is paying off now. Show him he is trusted. Most kids, given half the chance, take pride in proving to themselves and their parents that they can be trusted.