My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. I am 25 he is 26. We have recently talked about having a baby sooner because of a serious medical condition which I have to try to have kids now or theres a chance I will never be able to!! However, we are not even engaged yet!!. We both love each other and do want to get married in the future, but he has not asked me and says hes not ready for marriage yet. But yet he's willing to have a baby with me?! I don't know what to do. I do beleive in being married first before having kids. But I'm also scared this is my only chance to be a mother!? What should I do?
2006-09-26 02:36:16 · 30 answers · asked by Life Goes On 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You really have to slow down because i'm reading that you have morals and goals and you know what you want for yourself, but you also want to please your boyfriend. Why is he ready to have a child that will be on this earth for the rest of your life but he can't commit to YOU...for the rest of his life? He is just trying to make things a little complicated by doing it out of order. A baby is going to change everything, your focus is going to be on the baby. Anything can happen...but if that's what you want to do and YOU ARE financially stable to take care of that child on your own (just in case) then go ahead. ARE YOU READY TO TAKE CARE OF A CHILD FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?
2006-09-26 02:45:54 · answer #1 · answered by fatiegurl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's "not ready" to marry you after 5 years but ready to have a child with you, seems kinda backwards. I would be concerned. Marriage can be gotten out of but parenthood is inescapable. Whether you are an actively involved parent or not, you are still that child's parent. Ask him why he doesn't want to get married and if his answers sound more like excuses than legitimate reasons, you might want to rethink breeding with this guy. Marriage before child(ren) sets a good example for the child(ren). Would you want your kid(s) having babies without being married? You will not have as strong an argument against it if you don't get married first. If you are meant to have a child, it will happen. You've already given 5 years of your life to him without making it official. The least you can do is have your marriage first since that's what you want. You are the one having the future child(ren), remember that. Good luck!
2006-09-26 09:50:14 · answer #2 · answered by OOO! I know! I know! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him which he thinks is a more serious commitment marriage or a child if he says marriage than you know that he's not ready for a child until you get a ring and proper wedding don't do it a baby is hard even when there is two of you I hope your condition isn't serious and you make the decision that is right for you cause in the end you are the one up at 3 am and worried sick.
2006-09-26 09:41:19 · answer #3 · answered by Katlynn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not mature enough to want to marry you, but thinks he's mature enough to raise a child? If he isn't sure yet, after 5 years of being together, whether or not he wants to marry you, chances are he will never be sure. Thus you have three options; [1] have the child out of wedlock, [2] wait until the two of you get married, if ever, and adopt, or [3] leave him and find someone else to have a child with. You might also mention that if you have a child out of wedlock, it will not have the father's last name, which could evoke some parental feelings to stir in him.
2006-09-26 09:47:39 · answer #4 · answered by eric l 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow been together for 5 years and not even engaged yet? Perhaps you should talk to him about his commitment. Tell him that if he really loves you and is willing to make a commitment of bringing a child into this world, then he should make the commitment of marriage. I totally agree with you, my fiance and I both agree that we won't have a baby until we are actually married. If he really loves you then he will be a man and make the commitment of marriage first! Good luck to you!
2006-09-26 09:40:59 · answer #5 · answered by Fantasy686 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are both ready to have a baby and support one then why not. You're obviously thinking about it in the future, so maybe your time is now. That's what your body is telling you. I'd go for it. Most people would like to be married before they have children, but life never works out how we want and we have to take it as it come. good luck and I hope all goes well for you x
2006-09-26 10:07:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your bf is not ready for marriage but tells you he is ready for a baby. Doesnt make sense to me. They both take maturity to prosper and evidently that is something that your bf is lacking. I would seriously evaluate this with him. Tell him how you feel. I believe you need to be married. Too many kids now a days are born out of wedlock and if he is telling you he wants you to have a baby but is not ready to be married, it sounds to me like your bf is not wanting to quite settle down yet and it would benefit greatly a child with having his daddy in the picture and if he is not willing to settle down I seriously dont think that he would be there for you or the child
2006-09-26 09:43:42 · answer #7 · answered by baby j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't have the kid. If you do, you could regret it later. A child is a commitment. If he can't or hasn't asked you to marry him, then why shoudl you have a kid whit him. We may want a family but is that what you are to him, a family making machine. I can only offer you advice. Think about it, long and hard, before you do anything. If God wants you to have a child, he will give you one. With or without a medical condition.
2006-09-26 09:43:30 · answer #8 · answered by rock101 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is he ready to have kids and not get married? I think you all need to discuss that first before anything happens. Personally, I wouldn't have kids with out marriage first. Sadly you are in an unfortunate position where you must decide quickly. Honestly it is up to you. I do think you need to talk to him about marriage and what are his reasons why he is not ready yet etc. Good luck.
2006-09-26 09:42:27 · answer #9 · answered by Kamunyak 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you know deep down in your heart what you need and want to do. Only you can decide that. I will contribute my opinion too though, in today's society it is not immoral to have a child out of wedlock. I was raised by just my mother as my Dad left her when I was a year old. Not saying he would do the same, but I am just saying single parenting is fine, as is having a child out of wedlock. I don't believe it is looked down upon or anything like that. Good luck sweetie. My suggestion is if you want kids and need to now, then do so. I would do the same, and I am only 22 years old.
2006-09-26 09:40:13 · answer #10 · answered by darcilynn83 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋