My daughter is 14 yrs old and continues to lie to me about a boy she has been seeing. What should I do?

Question

I have tried punishing her, making her stay in all weekends, but the minute she is allow out she goes and sees him. The rule at our house is no dating until 16 is that too strict? I don't even know if I am more upset with the boy or the lying!

Answer 1

Ma'am, I'm 14 and I understand this completely...So I thought I'd answer this question. Most of us, at 14, Just wanna be with our boyfriends, We're not gonna do anything wrong, we just love them, and feel that we have to be with them...And I'm sure you're saying "She's 14, she doesn't even know what love is!". But, trust me, we know....If she really cares about this boy, she's gonna find a way to be with him, no matter what you do...So maybe you should just give him a chance...try letting him come over a few times, get to know him...Who knows, you could turn out to like him.

Answer 2

I don't think you're being too strict. You've set the rules for your household; when she's eighteen, employed and living on her own, she can do what she wants. Until then, you are in charge.

That said, is the boy in question a decent kid? Have you met his parents? It's not fair to be upset with the boy, it's your daughter who's lying. Even if the boy knows your rules, he's a kid too and is probably willing to do anything to see your daughter. I would suggest having two conversations. One with your daughter, and one with the boy and his parents (your daughter will die of embarassment but...oh well!) The convesation with your daughter should be somewhere other than your home, some neutral territory like a park, the beach, someplace where you are both comfortable and can speak freely. Tell her you have rules about dating that are for her protection. Remind her that she is your responsibility. More importantly, ask her how she expects to be treated like a young adult, and be trusted to be responsible, when she continues to lie and disrespect your rules. Ask her to explain to you why it is she has to lie, and listen. When all is said and done, tell her you love her but she has to earn your trust again and help rebuild your relationship.

I would also speak to the boy and his parents; In fact, tell the boy that you'd like to meet his parents. Don't allow your daughter to see him until you can all get together. Explain to everyone what your rules are. If his parents are lenient, that's fine for him but you have rules for your daughter that have to be followed. Suggest that the boy be allowed to come to your home, WHEN YOU OR YOUR HUSBAND ARE PRESENT ONLY. This way, she'll still get to see him and you can get to know the boy. You'll be there to monitor their activities. They have to be withthin eyesight or earshot.

You are not a monster. Remind them both that they are better off abiding by your rules and having you on their side than continuing to sneak around and lie. If you haven't had a candid conversation about sex with your daughter, now might be a good time. You need to be prepared to lay down some rules where that's concerned, namely: Don't do anything where you can handle the consequences of your actions.

Good luck Mom, and stick to your guns.

Answer 3

I don't think you are being too strict, but I do think that your daughter is being a hot a**! She is probably having sex and just cant get enough of it. I suggest you put her on birth control, but let her know that being on birth control doesn't give her the right to be a little slut! But the more you try to punish her the more she is going to rebel! I never had this problem, I mean my nieces are 14 and 16, and they are not into boys like your daughter. They rather go out to the movies with a group of girls or the skating ring. I guess it is all in how they were raised. My sister gave them their space, but they are very mature for their ages. She never had to punish them for misbehaving, I guess this is why the know how to act when they go out! But to get back on your subject, your daughter is disrespecting you, by not obeying your rules. I suggest you put foot in her a** or be prepared to be a grandmother!

Answer 4

Have you tried talking to her. Really the more you tell her she cannot see the boy the more she is going to see him. Trust me that was me when I was younger. The not dating until you are 16 is not strict but try to remember how you were at her age. As long as she isn't doing anything wrong like having sex then why don't you trying meeting this boy ,have him over for dinner and encourage for them to hang out at your house. You aren't going to change her mind the only thing you are doing is stressing yourself out. Once she realizes that she is no longer being rebellious then maybe she will quit. Hey if trying to make her stop seeing this boy is not helping then try taking part. Teens hate it when their parents actually try to get involved. I hope this gives you some ideas.

Answer 5

Talk to the boys parents and find out if they know about this . i think you all should get together and sit down and talk this out. No 16 is not too strict these days .is this boy a nasty person ? the lying is a cause of something . Maybe she knows you will not like the boy and that is why she is lying to you. But I do think you and the boy's parents should have a talk and maybe you can come to some sort of understanding about all of this.Good Luck and i hope this helps.

Answer 6

Have the boy come over to hang at your home and get to know him. I understand car dating off limits but meeting at the movies or the mall should not be a big concern when he pays its a real date. When she may go to his home always make sure a parent is staying the whole time,even this should be when staying at girl friend homes also teenagers are hard to deal with I have a 17 year old son

Answer 7

Well, she is too young to have a boyfriend. I would talk to her about relationships and why she have to wait until 16 years old to date. All boys is not nice and a gentleman. I would tell her and explain why is it not right to date at a early age. Anything could happen to her. And you as a mother do not want that to your dauther, and if that do not work then let her, and she will see that she should wait until she is 16 to date. She probably do not know what to do with this boy. Or maybe they are friends, or she have a crush on him.

Answer 8

I think you are more upset about the lying of course. If you say no dating until she is 16,then she has to abide by your rules. Punish her for a month at a time. if you have to. I remember them days well. She will get the picture after awhile. And if she doesnt then keep on punishing her. Talk to her about how young she still is. Or maybe if you meet the boy,and like him,,maybe you could invite him over for dinner with the family..just let them hang out at your home,,where you can see what they are doing. Let them play video games,,watch movies ..or things like that. In your presence. Shes still young and doesnt understand that you are just looking out for her. She thinks you are out just to get her. Talk with her and tell her how you feel. Maybe come up with a compramise of something.

Answer 9

Lie to her about when her punishment is up... See how she likes being tricked... Give her a taste of her own medicine... Then threaten her with punishment till she is 16... Make sure you develop a nice list of chores for her during her time at home... Sometimes the only thing that works is tough love...

Answer 10

You rasied your daughter so you are the master of pride. If you think you did not raise her right, than you worry about what she might do to hurt herself.

When I raised my Son, I knew when there wasa time to let go and see how well of a job you did as a Father or Mother to your children and your work will shine and you must have faith in your work not to worry about how your children will be. If you don;t have faith in what you taught your children or feel that you could of done a better job, it's a little too late wouldn't you think now that the age is a big factor to meetiong boys and such.
Leaver her be...and let her learn what you didn't teach her and it doesn't make you a bad parent, it just shows that you lack confidence in whatn you did teach her.

Answer 11

My mother wouldn't let me date until I was 18 years old. I was 16 years old and was interested in this guy and we were close friends. We were intimate but not sexually. My mother read my diary, but to this day will not admit to it. My mother threatened to move us out of state and bring me to the doctor's to be tested for STDs and pregnancy. I told her to go right ahead because I hadn't done anything sexually because I wasn't ready. She never brought me to the doctor's. I wouldn't have blamed her for bringing me, but I was upset because she didn't trust me and my judgment.

Personally I feel 14 is too young for a child to be alone with someone of the opposite sex. I would encourage you to allow her to see this boy in group settings, and events where you are chaperoning. If you don't find a way to compromise, she will continue going behind your back. Talk to your daughter about pregnancy, drugs and alcohol, etc. Is your daughter mature enough to handle a baby, or how would she deal with about getting involved with drugs and alcohol?

If I have children I would allow group events and allow them to date at 16 years old, but sit down and talk to them about the seriousness of sex, drugs and alcohol. Actually, I would be talking about these things early on because it's never too early to educate certain aspects of things.