My oldest daughter is 10. She is very smart and at the end of last school year they suggested that we let her move on to 6th grade middle school and skip 5th grade. We did not see it as a problem as I had skipped 2 grades during my 12 years in public school. With out a problem. But now we are wondering if we made a mistake. Since school has started she has really changed. She used to be a happy go lucky kid who got along with everyone. Now she is back talking us, coping an attitude towards her brother and sister. And generally being a pain in the rear. She has also started to be sneaky like wearing make up, and then washing it off before we can see her. And wearing clothes that she knows we don't approve of. She also has very little to do with the friends she has grown up with. Her grades are still good. But her attitude bits. We are trying to decide if we should move her back to elementary school. Or what to do to get her over this phase. Any suggestions? Or comments?
Thank You
2006-09-26 01:57:38 · 21 answers · asked by Kali_girl825 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Yes we had some very long conversations with her before we gave the ok to move her up. And she knows the rules of make up are. Not in public until she is 12 or 13 depending on her attitude.
2006-09-26 02:15:27 · update #1
Sounds like she is trying to fit in with the slightly older kids. (makeup and clothes that you don't approve of.) She may be feeling that she can't hang out with her old friends after all they are in elementary and she is in Middle School which to her is big thing. (She is probably feeling as if she is "older" and wiser in a sense.)
I don't think I would send her back to elementary because she may develop an attitude and let her grades fall. She may feel as if you are punishing her for being smart. Although that wouldn't be the case this how she may feel about it.
Perhaps let her slide with the make up. I'm not saying let her plaster the make up on but perhaps a little eye shadow. This way she can feel as if she fits in with the older kids. I am not sure how my Dad did it but he convinced me over time that guys like it better when girls don't where makeup. I'm in my 30's and very rarely do I put make up on. I don't think your girl is doing it for the guys though. I think it is more to fit in with the older kids.
I know school just started so give her some time to adjust and don't let her talk back to you. If she does then punish her. Always follow through.
Perhaps you could convince her to invite some of her old friends over to play. Don't mix the new friends with the old friends. My son will have friends come to play and when their is an age difference the younger childern get ignored by him. (He is trying to be cool, and only hurting his younger friends feelings.)
If she doesn't get over this phase after a month then you might want to talk with a counselor. He/she may have some suggestions that none of us on yahoo may think of.
Good luck
2006-09-26 02:14:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Okay first off I think you need to set down some ground rules, I think that because she skipped a grade that she's older, I think she needs to be grounded - not that kind of grounded - she needs to feel grounded at school, like she's "not" skipped a grade, she wants to fit in. She'll settle down, just don't change any of the house rules and let her know you don't like the way she's been acting. Moving her back to elementary school I think would be worse, and her old friends.... she'll come around on her own, she's just looking for her.
As for the make up. My daughter was told make up in the house is fine until she's 12, she couldn't even shave until she was 12, and then we did a girls day out. On her 12th we went shopping and bought the all the stuff to shave, so she could try it all out.
And stopping worrying - leave that till she's omg 18 - then you will see attitude.
2006-09-26 09:03:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not.
Your objective when moving her up a grade was for her progression and good grades - so long as her grades are well then keep her there.
In relation to her new behaviour - she is torn between being a kid and a teenager (this was just a matter of time). Give her firm expectations from both of you. Talk to her everynight about her day. Who her friends are? What they talk about (do not make any comments and laugh occasionally at what she has to say - keep the "that's terrible, I'm going to call her mother comments for another time - definitely not now while trying to build trust). Set her limits. Tell her what is acceptable. Is she allowed to hold hands with a boy. Kiss him? Spell it all out. Example "You are not permitted to let him touch your boobs" etc. It's best if the mum does this talking.
There are 2 things I have learned in my life I will use with my own children - setting limits is the best thing a young girl could ask for and 2. Seeing her father treat her mother well is the second most important aspect.
If you are going to keep her from a party, then make sure she can't climb out her window. Hold parties in your house to suss out her friends.
2006-09-26 09:05:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does she think? Does she miss her old friends and is trying to fit in? There is more to skipping a grade than just the academics. This is a very critical time in her social world. She was used to being " the smartest in the class" and perhaps now, she is not. Plus she has lost her peer group and maturity wise, both physically and emotionally, she may be far behind. If she wants to return to her grade, I'd let her. If not, set limits. Do not buy the make-up, the clothing you do not approve of and try and get social gatherings with her peer group. Suggest a pizza/movie night at your home. Good Luck! Hang in there....
2006-09-26 09:22:42 · answer #4 · answered by Kim S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, mama, I hear ya' loud and clear.
I didn't want my daughter to go to middle school where, in 6th grade, she'd be mixing with kids getting ready for high school. I feel 7th and8th grades ought to be separate from the elementary grades. However, I looked into an alternative school (shades of 'Little House on the Prairie'), and realized, "daughter isn't going for this". As she was automatically registered for the middle school, she started there, and sure enough, things are going well.
Now, there IS a little increase in the 'attitude', but we have little tigers by their tails, and I knew this was coming. When we can stay calm, clear and consistant, we have a great chance of remaining steadfast in our position of guiding and leading our kids.
Remember to give your girl ample time to express herself to you, even thinking out loud in that circuitous manner kids get into. Being open and accepting elicits further dialogue, without which we are helpless to assist them. She may soon see you have her best interests at heart and that you're really her best friend.
Don't holler, belittle or play mindgames as methods of getting your way with her. We are parents! We've graduated from the childhood and teen years! We can handle this!
2006-09-26 09:52:00 · answer #5 · answered by Zeera 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok first you have to understand that she went from 4th grade to middleschool and that is a big change! Trust me I have one in middle school and one in elementary and they are on two different levels. In elementary shool it really doesn't matter what you wear, or how you act, because they only care about playing or telling jokes or talking about stuff they really don't know about, so it's no pressure!
Now however in Middle school it is very different. She is now around children who are older than her and think a lot different. These children do worry about what they wear and how they act because they feel more grown up! Now they have sorta like been there done that and ready for the next step which is everything middle school is about. She is trying to fit in the only way she knows how, and that is to act like them and be like them, dress like them and hang out with them instead of her friends her age! This is something she has to do and you have to give her room to make mistakes, so she can learn from them and find her place. She is testing the waters on how far she can go! Now you being her parent should know that if you put her back in fifth grade how degrading that will make her feel, then you will be dealing with a lot more issues and she will rebell!
My suggestion is this having a son in the 8th grade and my bf having a daughter in the 7th grade I would do as follows:
First you make the rules very clear, I know you said you did this but I mean clear! Where she has no room for excusses! Rules on everything, from make up to talking back to attitude to treating others badly. With this you must also make the consequences very clear as well and stick to them no matter what!
However in middle school most of the girls do wear some type of make up. I would say let her wear a little blush, and light lip stick, just to make her feel apart of everyone else.
You must express to her that she is much younger than most of these sixth graders and that needs to be with her old friends more but she can still have her new ones.
Don't put her back in fifth grade! This will only set her back emotionally. Just set the rules and make sure that some of them are things that you both are willing to let her try. You must realize it's a whole new world in middle school, but if you stick by what you say and give her just a little more room then you will see her come full circle again. She is just trying to find her way and test the waters with mom and dad. Just give a little and expect her to give a little at the same time. This will pass trust as long as you stick to your word. If she talks back, she gets something taken away, if she wears makeup that you don't allow then take it all from her until she can prove she knows what she can and can't wear. Invite her old friends over when she doesn't know it and remind her of how she grew up with these friends, and she will need them later, but thats it's still ok to have new friends as well.
Just don't jump yet and put her back. Give a little and take a little. If that doesn't work take it all until she finnally understands that you are not being mean but just trying to protect her!
Give it time and stick to you guns, it will work trust me! I have been there!
I hope in some way I have helped!
Wishing you and Your Daughter The Best Of Luck!
Always Amy
It might be a good idea to print some of these answers out and let her see what other parents do in the same sitituations!
2006-09-26 10:07:50 · answer #6 · answered by heart2heart27958 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thats a doozy she is probably trying to fit in since she is younger than her class mates she feels she has to keep up as far as the back talking and fighting with her siblings thats just her age trust me on that one it will only get worse I wouldn't be too hard on her she has had a social shock she was secure in her elementary environment and now must readapt to a more adult situation all kids go through this in the sixth grade of course you should keep her in check the problem with smart children is they know how smart they are. Good luck to you she'll be ok..
2006-09-26 09:05:07 · answer #7 · answered by Katlynn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she has had a taste of what older girls do dropping her will make her more bitter towards you and just act the same around kids her own age and make out that this is what you do when you grow up if she want to be a big girl she needs to realise that you need to respect your parents and if she doesn't take thing away from her that she enjoys treat her like a child if she wants to act it.
I hope all goes well
2006-09-26 09:15:21 · answer #8 · answered by moccaebby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At least her grades are still up. Take into consideration that she is in a new enviornment with new kids. Not the same kids she would have been promoted with. She may be intimidated by the changes both mentally and physically that she is under going. I'm not telling you to be a pansy on her but give her some wiggle room.
2006-09-26 09:03:56 · answer #9 · answered by Floss 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I am a teacher and i have seen this behavior alot when children have been promoted to a higher grade level. I have to agree with alot of those that responded. Her change in behavior is most likely in response to being surrounded by older kids. I've witnessed children who've been skipped a grade actually become bullies. Sometimes this "phase" goes away, but sometimes it can alter children, forcing them to mature before their time, which causes them to over compensate when acting older. My advice is to start treating her older. If she wants to act older, then give her more responsibilities.
2006-09-26 09:34:40 · answer #10 · answered by slychick852002 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋