I walked into a pub and..... please finish the sentence?

Answer 1

....and there was no snuff in the snuff box: read on:

The Snuff.

Paddy was a decent man, a man who rarely swore,
Peter was his oldest friend, since they were twenty-four.
But now that they were ancient, though still quite hard and tough,
They lived just for their evening pint - and a hefty pinch of snuff.

The snuffbox sat upon the bar, with compliments and free,
And while the lads sipped at their pints ‘twas plain for all to see,
That both had quite a habit, like addicts and their fix,
Each night they met and could be seen, in the bar just after six.

Until the dark day came about, when Paddy on his own,
Found the snuffbox empty, on his forehead, a deep frown.
But Paddy was a gentleman, not a rude word did he say,
So he called upon a young boy, outside the door at play.

‘Run down to Coynes tobacconist, buy half a gram of snuff,
Here’s half-a-crown in money, I think it’s quite enough,
And if you’re back in minutes, the change it’s yours to spend’
The boy was gone in seconds, at last he’d found a friend.

Misfortune fell upon the boy, for as he passed the cross,
He came upon a group of men playing pitch and toss.
And as he watched he felt the urge, temptation was too strong,
He tried to fight the evil off, he knew that it was wrong.

Three tosses later, he was broke, the half-crown, it was lost,
He weighed up all the options, and knew what it would cost,
A solution it was called for, somehow to make things right,
When suddenly he became aware of a large dry white dogsh*ite.

Without thinking twice, he ground it up, in a twist of old white paper,
Ran quickly back to Paddy’s pub and handed him the taper.
He never stopped to see the result of the nasty thing he’d done,
Within seconds he was far away now thinking it was fun.

Paddy quietly placed the stuff, into the old snuffbox,
Then smartly tapped upon the lid, gave it three gentle knocks,
Between his thumb and index finger, with stuff he struck a pose,
And without delay, a wait all day, he sniffed it up his nose.

Minutes later Paddy asked of others in the pub,
‘Can you smell shi*te’ he called out loud, he gave his nose a rub,
All checked their shoes and boots to see, in what they might have trod,
Then with united chorus, called ‘No, no, not me, begob’.

Now in strolls Peter, his best friend as I have just said,
‘Sorry Paddy that I’m late’ his hand up to his head.
‘I have a heavy cold’ says he ‘my nose it is blocked up’
‘Sit down’ said Pad, hands him a pint ‘just take a gentle sup’.

‘Can you smell sh*ite in here tonight’ asks Paddy of his mate,
‘I can’t smell nothing’ Peter says ‘’Till now at any rate’.
‘I’ve had this cold for three days now, its going to my chest,
Tonight I’m leaving early Pad, I need a decent rest’.

‘Try a pinch of snuff’ says Pad and passes him the tin,
Again three taps upon the lid, then quietly watches him,
Peter takes a hefty pinch and sniffs it deep, deep down.
Then sits and looks around the pub, upon his face a frown.

‘You know what’ Peter asks of Pad, his sniffle its now gone,
‘Tis the finest snuff this pub has seen, I doubt if I am wrong’.
‘And how do you make that out Pete’ asks Pad, he knows he’s right,
Then Peter answered soft and slow, ‘I now smell that dogsh*ite’.

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Answer 2

This is not a joke or a riddle, but a true story! I walked into a pub with some friends. We had already had a few drinks and were feeling pretty good! The band started playing one of my favorite songs, so my friends and I were all on the dance floor, dirty dancing! We were laying it on pretty thick, acting like we were all hot for each other(all girls)! We were getting alot of cat calls and such, then after about a half hour of this, I turned around and saw my DAD, sitting at the bar, and laughing his *** off! I was never so embarrassed in all my life! I didn't know what to do, so I pretended not to see him, untill he sent us all a round of drinks! Eventually, I had to go talk to him, but he was really cool about the whole thing. He knew I was just having fun, and I made him promise not to tell Mom! He never did either! He's gone now, and I really miss him! He was a really cool dude!

Answer 3

I walked into a pub and was surprised to see a duck dancing on a biscuit tin at the end of the bar. I was so fascinated I bought the duck and tin for £50 and took it home. After a couple of hours the noise of the duck's feet clattering on the tin lid was getting on my nerves so much that I rang the pub.

"How do I stop the duck from dancing?" I asked in desperation.

"Easy." He replied. "Take the lid off the tin and blow out the candle."

Answer 4

http://www.geocities.com/MotorCity/Garage/1329/walkbar.html

A motorway walked into a pub, ordered a drink and sat down in a corner. A few minutes later a strip of tarmac walked in, and the motorway dived behind the bar and hid, shaking in fear.

The barman asked, "What's up with you?"

"Th..th.. That strip of tarmac!"

"Why is a big thing like you so afraid of that little strip? Look at you, you've got six lanes and two hard shoulders."

"Y..y..You don't know him like I do," said the motorway. "He's a a cycle path"

Answer 5

i walked into a pub and order fish and chips since there famous for them i drank some beer to wash them down and then chatted with the waiter who seems to know a lot about foot ball.

Answer 6

I walked into a pub and walk again into a pub and walk... hahaha!

Answer 7

I walked into a pub and....said "Ouch, I should have seen that big building right in front of me!"

Answer 8

someone bought me drinks all night long...i got drunk as a lord and threw up all over the barmaid so i wont be going in that pub again

Answer 9

I walked into a pub and ...........found that the nuts were complimentary. Have YOU ever been told that you're gorgeous by a schizophrenic lunatic!!??

Answer 10

I walked into the pub,took one look around,and farted.