Why does the bible say that once we're married the relationship with our parents should be cold and distant?

Question

"For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh"

I mean doesn't that pretty much say it? So why do christians always preach family values when their own scripture discourages close extended family? Does the bible consider only your spouse and children (while their young) important but not your other family members, such as parents, siblings, aunt, uncles, nephews, neices, etc..

Answer 1

The way I read it is to "cut the apron strings from your Mother" and to leave your mother and father to be with your wife. Basically, your most important relationship should now be with your wife and you and your wife should be one in spirit. You should have the same goals, the same ideas about parenting, and agree on decisions that need to be made. And if a parent ever tried to interfere in your relationship, you and your wife should stick together and not allow the interference. Basically, you are doing what your parents did when they left their parents home to be married.

Answer 2

This does not at all say the relationship should be cold and distant. What this says is that once the covenant of marriage is entered, the husband and wife become one new family. As man and woman were created to unite as once flesh, the new priority of a marriage becomes the spouse.

Families often remained very close in living proximity, and the interactions between families was still close, but the man leaves his parents home to be the leader of his own home. If you did indeed read the bible, you would find hundreds of passages discussing the loving relationships between families (extended and close).

Please, if you are looking for answers, be open to find answers. If you want to present a question with your mind already made up, you will rarely be able to grow in your understanding.

Answer 3

You just proved the old "everything is a matter of perception". I read the same scripture, and I am a Christian, and I don't get "be cold and distant to your parents and extended family" at all from that passage. And I think I can speak for the Christian community when I say that's not the way we interpret it. Guess you have to be a Christian to understand. Sorry.

Answer 4

It means that he and his wife should become anew family, and not consider themselves as belonging to their parents, but rather to each other. "Becoming one flesh" back then meant to have sex, or in more pc terms, "consumate the marriage." This does not mean that before, he had "become one flesh" with his parents.

Extended family is important for support, however they are not to be depended on. If you're married, and have a wife and kids, yet you still depend on your parents for everything, that's not good. When you get married, the bride is given away to the groom traditionally by her father, and sometimes by the mother (if the father is deceased, etc) or by both. This symbolizes that the daughter no longer belongs to her father, but to her new husband (this probably dates back to arranged marriage times, etc).

Hope that helps!

Answer 5

It doesn't. That's just your personal, amateurish interpretation of the text. The Bible says to honor your father and your mother. It's one of the Big Ten. It says to treat your father with respect, even if his mind should fail him in old age. The passage you quote simply says that once two people marry, that relationship becomes the primary relationship in their lives. Do you think it should be otherwise?

Answer 6

It says that you and your spouse are one. It does not say you lose your parents. It means mummy and daddy aren't the priority anymore.

It's because husbands and wives are still cleaving to their parents that many have trouble in their marriage.

Word of advice to married couples : Don't tell your family about problems in your marriage (outside of abuse) because mom, dad, sister, brothers will remember long after you have forgotten about the problem.

Answer 7

That doesn't mean that we completely abandon our parents. Nor treat them coldly. However when we marry we are to make that married relationship important above all other human relationships

Answer 8

are you married,do you plan on living with your parents after your married? and where exactly does it say that we need to forsake our parents? i have never read that,you need to study the WORD.

Answer 9

You are reading way to much into this scripture!

Answer 10

It said you are to leave your parents, not that you are to never see them again.