Should I ditch my fiance????

Question

I am dealing with alot of diffrent issues lately and my fiance is just being un reasonable with me, My son has ADHD he is 11 Ive had him on medication and with the OK from his doctor we took him off it because he didnt like the way it made him feel, well he has been struggling terribly in his acedemics and behaivor, so I had him put back on it at a lesser dosage and also get him couseling through school, my fiance says Im stupid for "drugging" him back up but since hes been back on his grades went from D's and F's to C's and B's. Next my grandfather is ill and might have lung cancer the man raised me so hes like my dad and I have much respect for him. I am stressed out and walking around depressed and all my fiance can do is yell at me and not give me the support I need, Ive had enough I want to leave him and I want to know if this is the right thing for me to do, I need serious advice only, no smart @$$ comments Im dealing with enough.

Answer 1

Hon my son is 13 and also is on meds for adhd,,,my man doesnt agree with him being on it either. Which i dont care because hes my son and im the one who does everything for him. Im the one down at the school if hes having problems. And im sorry for you grandfather. Some men just dont know how to give any support at all,,,and i get that alot also. But in my case,,,i tell him like it is wether he wants to hear it or not,,,or wether he thinks hes right all the time...which almost all the time he is wrong. If you dont want to deal with tha kind of treatment maybe you should leave. You are not married yet,,so if i were you i would tell him u r putting off the wedding if this is hows hes going to be for the rest of your lives. You need emotional support not someone who critises you for every litttle thing. Im telling you i know exactly how you feel at times. And as far as your son,,you do what u think is right. I often wonder myself iif my man has adhd,,or bi polar,,the way he acts himself. Dont deal with his **** and be stuck with it for the rest of your life...It wouldnt be fair to your son also.

Answer 2

Time for big time communication with the fiance. Sounds to me like that is what you guys are lacking. If his yelling is a recent developement, then he may have stressors of his own affecting his life--maybe things he hasn't shared with you because he believes that you have enough on your plate right now.

The fact that your fiance doesn't like your son to be "drugged up" says that he cares. An ADHD child is much easier to handle when on medication, yet your fiance cares enough about the child to want to spare the child discomfort at the expense of his own. That tells me that he probably does love the two of you very much.

Some men, when they are made to feel helpless by a situation (or series of situations) get very angry because of that very powerlessness and may take it out on the people they love. He also may be nervous about the wedding. You never know. I suggest having a sit down talk somewhere neutral such as a coffeehouse or restaurant in which you can get your feelings out (don't accuse!) and so can he. Communication is key here and the two of you have been to stressed out to do it properly. All couples face hurdles. Best of luck.

Answer 3

Ask yourself, can you deal with this for the next 5 years if things do not change? You cannot change another person. Everything that bugs you about a particular person will bug you 10 times worse when you are married. Personally I would not be with someone who is disrespectful to me.

You deserve to be treated with respect and love. Yelling at you and calling you stupid is not love. No one can tell you how you can feel. You children comes first. Your family is a huge part of your life. You have done nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with feeling a certain way.

Answer 4

You need to follow your heart and do what you think is right. If you fiance is not supporting you emotionally then maybe he is not the right man for you . I mean i would want emotional support from a man i was going to marry . He sounds like this is all too much for him to handle if that is the case then he needs to go and you will find a much better supportive man believe me when i say they are out there. But you do what you feel is right. Good Luck and i hope this has helped you.

Answer 5

I don't think ditching him is the right answer, but definitely some pre-marital counseling. A bridal shower is for the BRIDE, hence the name. Unless it was specifically stated that both bride and groom would be present, there was no need to invite both sides. (Although it really would have been polited to invite the mom of the groom and any sisters the groom was close to...after all they are all gonna be family in time). Definitely go for some counseling before the wedding. That is not the proper way to handle that.

Answer 6

Tell the fiance' that you need a break from him at the moment. You need time to sort things out and ask him to take a hike for a few months until things are settled. Sounds like he's jealous of your attention to your children and family; but it's not his business! No, you don't need the additional anxiety right now. If he can't support you and offer comfort in this time of need,he never will. Godloveya.

Answer 7

Have you tried alternative meds that don't have side affects? It's hard for many people to understand ADHD when doctors are diagnosing too many kids. Patients does not come easy when you have never had to deal with ADHD kids, and especially if the child is not yours. Depending on how much this man means to you, depends on how far you'll go to keep him. You might need to pull yourself away from the situation, and reevaluate your relationships with your child, and with your fiance.

Answer 8

Sweetie, dont dump him at this moment, just ask him to give you space. He should support you at this time and not give you pressure. The most important thing for you to do right now is to be there for your son and grandad, and for that you need to be in a healthy state of mind, and since he cannot support you and is infact stressing you out, keep him out of your affairs for the moment. He should be the solution, not part of the problem.

Answer 9

sit down with him and explain all the stuff you are going through. ask him for his support. if he blows you off then tell him that his negative behavior is really making you depressed and you can't go on with him being so negative.

seek support from friends.

maybe you can find a blog for parents who have kids with ADD and get some encouragement there.

if you feel depressed you may want to go to your doctor and seek some counseling

Answer 10

Seek professional help on two fronts. I have ADHD and I had to switch medication because the first one made me sick. I recommend seeking a psychiatrist outside of school for your kid. Ask your pediatrician for a recommendation. I recommend you see psychiatrist as well. You might need anti-depressants.