My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and he wants me to move in with him in a month.
He went to his ex wife's house 4 days last week to visit and watch his daughter. The ex wife was home one of the days.
I ended up going out with some friends on the 4th day and I didn't call him until 11:00pm. He seemed upset and tried to make me feel guilty for not calling him until 11. (He tried calling me around 8).
We talked the next morning and I basically told him that I didn't want him to hang out at the house if his exwife was there. He tried to say that he was doing it for his daughter, she's his only daughter, etc. But I said I didn't want to settle for seeing him 3 days a week.
He told me to call him yesterday morning, but he didn't answer the phone and didn't call back. He tried calling me at work but I was gone already. Then we have been playing phone tag since. What's the deal? I left a message this morning but he didn't call.
2006-09-26 00:48:29 · 21 answers · asked by torn 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Being a parent, my first suggestion is NEVER make him choose between you and the kid. If he is any kind of father the kid will always win.
As for the relationship, if you are moving in with him, what would be different? Why can't his daughter come over to your guys' place? Why can't you go with him once you move in when he goes over there?
As for the phone tag thing, you probably hurt his ego a little, or you are making him wonder if you are going to make him pick between you and his daughter. Make sure he knows you know his daughter always comes first, but that you are moving in with him to share your life with both of them. If this isn't your intentions then why are you in a relationship with someone who has a child? If you date someone with kids it is a package deal, you don't get to pick just the parent b/c they will always be a parent. Spouces, significant others, boy/girlfriends come and go but you will always be a parent.
2006-09-26 00:57:07 · answer #1 · answered by channielynn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and this man have a communication problem that goes beyond phone tag. Seems you can't even get each other's schedules right.
You are going to have to let him make decisons about the ex and the child. If you don't want a constant fight, stay out of it. You have voiced your preference that he be there only if the mother is not. Give him a chance to hear what you are saying, to process it as a request and not a demand. This alllows him to make a decison based on respect for you, not manipulation.
You said he wants you to move in with him in a month. Is that true? You told him you're not going to "settle" for 3 days a week. Don't put him in a place where he feels like he has to meet ultimatums. Treat him like you know he can make a right decision, don't bring up moving again. Let him specifically ask you about it. Not "Are you still coming?" but, "You are still coming...." The answer to the first question should be that you think you both need to talk before you can be sure. The second question implies that he doesn't want to think plans have changed. Then you'll know he does want you there.
I enjoy a relationship where I can count on 3 days and have four for me. What's wrong with right where you are now? Sounds like you both and your relationship may still need some space to grow.
2006-09-26 01:09:17 · answer #2 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
appears like you probably did each little thing perfect the superb time. evaluate replacing your variety in the experience that your severe about breaking up. also, he got here into your position uninvited, your allowed to dial 911 in that challenge. you do not ought to assert a note both. only dial 911 and placed the phone down the police will be there and also you tell them exacrwhats occurring. they could even help you through putting a restraining order in position so he isn't any longer allowed to flow close to you call you textual content you facebook you and so on. If he brakes the orders he will then be arrested. i understand what your going threw. i have been there some circumstances. And as I see it, you deserve extra ideal and infrequently you want to be a jerk to get rid of a jerk. yet in hind website you received't be apologetic about it.
2016-11-24 19:55:54 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It don't sound like he is either controling or trying to get you to break up. If he didn't want to be with you then he would not have invited you to move in with him. If you don't move in with him, he will probably just not answer your phone calls and hope you go away so he doesn't have to break up with you. That is how men are. Long distance never works.
As for his ex wife, he is just hanging around hoping for an opporutnity for sex. He might already be messing around with her.
2006-09-26 00:55:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if i got devorced and had children through my ex wife i wouldn't be spending the night if my ex was there.people like to remanence of old and good times they had together and get hung up in the middle of it and do something they shouldn't be doing.he could have brought his daughter to his house for a few days.did he actually spend the night or did he go over there four seperate times.if so then thats not so bad ,but if he spent the night thats a no no.he needs to think of your feelings.put the shoe on the other foot,how would he feel. good luck
2006-09-26 01:09:35 · answer #5 · answered by THE SHADOW 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first, long distance relationship never works out well. You don't know what he is doing in his ex-wife's house do you.. maybe he is just there to see his daughter but, there is a possibility that he also wants to see his ex-wife.. I think that it is better for you to talk to him face to face, and ask him if he still wants to be with you or does he prefer to be with his ex-wife.. Be clear and tell him how tired you are of chasing him around, just to talk to him...
2006-09-26 00:58:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be circumstancial. I think your paranoia of him visiting his ex-wife and daughter, combined with the fact that he was angry with you has made you upset about the phone tag issue.
I would just let him cool off for a couple days, and he will call you when he's ready.
2006-09-26 00:52:17 · answer #7 · answered by Elkie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this, but this is not for certain it's just an observation of what your telling us, I think you might be a rebound, meaning he's not sure how things are going to work out with his ex. And just in case it doesn't he'll have you to come back to. My recommendation is don't move in with him yet until your 100% sure you can trust him. You don't need to go through unnecessary bull sh**. Be careful....
2006-09-26 01:02:20 · answer #8 · answered by MS.KNOW IT ALL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think he's trying to get rid of you. And ex's don't need to be enemies. Most of the time they can become friends for the sake of the children. It might be a good idea for you to try to befriend his ex, specially if you see a future for you and him.
2006-09-26 00:54:02 · answer #9 · answered by Quartz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am against long distance relationships so anything negative that happens regarding these types of relationships secures my point....(even though I know better)
2006-09-26 00:53:25 · answer #10 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋