Please help me if I am right or wrong in this. Everytime my girl-friend and her husband are in public he is constantly looking at women. It is normal for a man to look at women, but it is so obvious that he is staring at each woman he sees. In fact when he is shopping or walking he concentrates only on searching "new looks" no matter how old the women are - 15 or 60. In shops he often turns his back from his wife in search of women.
He has never been married before, does not have children. My friend is a 50 y o good looking lady, they just got married two months ago. She told him that his behavior is disrespectful. He answered that he has never done that, and he told her she is paranoid. However, I and my friend's 18 year old daughter notice his strange behavior as well. My friend and I discuss this situation only between two of us. Since we live in a small town she does want to get a counselor's advice.
It would be nice to hear other people's opinions in this matter.
Thank you.
2006-09-25 23:45:30 · 19 answers · asked by Helena V 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I can cite Man Law here. All men look. Not all men get caught or do it so obviously. If he's 50 and newly married, he's been able to ogle women for a long time. Like a horse, monkey or dog, he will need remedial training, and sometimes, physical correction, to change his behavior. He needs to know, in no uncertain terms, that he cannot be so obvoius anymore. If at all. Secect an appropriate punishment the next time he does it. He will eventually learn, but he has 50 years of testosterone driven behavior to overcome. Good luck!
2006-09-26 02:06:38 · answer #1 · answered by Mike 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend is lucky to have someone like you that she can turn to when she is feeling low.
I wouldn't be comfortable with my husband staring at other women all the time, and honestly the point is not whether it's 'ok' or not, but if it's ok or not for your friend. Obviously it's not something she's comfortable with either, and her husband is being very disrespectful of the feelings of the woman he has given his life to. I would personally lay down the law, gently, maybe she should sit him down, or write him a letter, explaining that his behaviour has been noted by other people, so it's not just her being paranoid, that it upsets her and that ,as his wife, she has a right to expect him to make an effort to stop. Once he can accept they have a problem (and it is that 'they' have a problem, it won't help if she says 'you' have a problem,) then he needs to seek help, if it's something he can't stop.
2006-09-26 08:44:33 · answer #2 · answered by good tree 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ever see the book "Peoplewatcher". There are a lot of us out there. It is interesting to actually look at people not just look by.
This could have absolutely nothing to do with his marriage. Have you ever been to an art museum? Do you just look at the paintings and not try to put some story to the subjects. He could very well be correct that she is paranoid and making a tempest in a teacup. Presumably he has always done this and she married him anyway. Now she wants to change his behavior of studying people. This sounds like a woman trying to reinvent her husband after the fact. It is a recipe for another divorce. After all it was her who has had the failed marriage already not him. This does not even address your meddling. After all it really has nothing to do with you.
2006-09-26 07:19:55 · answer #3 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay first of all - your 'girl-friend'. Is this a lady who is your friend or is this your girlfriend girlfriend. If it is a lady who is a friend it is nice of you to be concerned for her, BUT she is a grown women and presumably her new husband was like this prior to them marrying and she still went ahead and married him. Looking is not a problem - I would think most people do it - it is a problem only if a) he puts her down in comparrison or b) he cheats on her. If all he does is look then she could look at is as being chuffed that she not only competes but wins over these women - after all he married her so she has the advantage. If on the other hand this is your girlfriend in the usual sense of the word then it sounds very much like jealousy and neither her not you have anything that you can complain about - after all pot kettle and black come to mind.
2006-09-26 06:56:24 · answer #4 · answered by geegee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a total creep. I've had this done to me before by an ex-boyfriend and it got to the stage that i couldn't take it anymore. If i got my hair done, new clothes and generally made an effort to look nice when we were going out somewhere, he'd never notice as he'd be too busy eyeing up other women. This does nothing for your self esteem and just ruins a good night out. Mine used to go as far as actually chatting up women infront of me and buying them drinks, while i stupidly sat there and felt absolutely terrible. I can think back now in anger at the nights i spent in tears once we got home because of this, and he too like this creep, totally denied he was doing it. I used to sometimes wonder if it was my imagination as he was so convincing and made me feel like this. Honestly, how dare this so called 'man' do this to your friend. It's only a shame that she married him before she realised what he's really like. Men like him really make me sick. Doesn't sound as if he'll change either - men like him don't. I honestly think your friend should seriously consider divorce and leave him to his sad, weird pathetic life. I have a new boyfriend now and almost have my self-esteem back. How nice it is to be able to go out with him and have him hold my hand and his attention is on me. I feel so lucky now, but really that's the way it should be.
2006-09-26 08:14:12 · answer #5 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right. It is disrespectful. Period. But, wasn't he doing this before they were married? It is too late now, but it's easier to change the conditions of a contract before it's signed than modify them later.... Fact is, she married him like this, so he knows she'll more than likely put up with it. I don't care how men choose to rationalize this - it is unacceptable, and I wouldn't tolerate it. It's worse than she lives in a small town, because obviously, he's not that discreet about it, and if I were her, I'd feel humiliated. At his age, he ought to be able to control his window shopping impulse. She might try playing the good for the goose trick, if she can't win by having a reasonable adult conversation about it. And, I'll probably get flamed for suggesting a game, but, it's really about results. And, she's much more likely to get what she wants if she nips this in the bud now, rather than waiting to try to make her point later, when he's already decided she's just a nag...
2006-09-26 07:01:47 · answer #6 · answered by drbernice843 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it is normal for men to look at other women.as long as he does not touch another woman then there is no problem.
i am married but i still look at other men.it does not mean that i would contemplate on having an affair.
it is called eye candy.
perhaps he is actually attention seeking.but i agree it is not a very nice thing if it is constant.
treat him like a child and ignore what he is doing if he does not get any reaction he may stop.
2006-09-27 02:45:40 · answer #7 · answered by akyleryan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that maybe you need to tell your friend to show her new husband that she trusts him and I think you as friends don't need to dwell on the situation as after all its their life not yours!
But as for men looking around they do! Are you telling me that you and your friend whilst being in a relationship have never looked twice at a hottie walking past you in the street even if your with your man?
I think you need to let the couple deal with the issue and it really is a huge problem maybe she needs to talk it through with him pointing out that is not that she doesn't trust him she just doesn't feel like shes the center of his life anymore then hopefully he might pull his finger out!
2006-09-26 07:57:10 · answer #8 · answered by Glitterstar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is normal behavior - just like women complaining about it
Both are age old problems - and if you don't know it, you need to get out more
By the way - not to be harsh - I think you should not get involved in your friends marriage problems and mind your own business a bit more - if you want some free advice
2006-09-26 06:50:36 · answer #9 · answered by roadrunner426440 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your friend is 50/ and she and her husband just got married? Maybe the husband is just one of those closet perverts....that likes to Lear at woman in a perverted way.
It would be advisable for you to stay far away from your friends complaints about her new spouse. If your friend is successful she'll engulf you in her misery.....Maybe your friend has regrets about getting married....Have you ever thought of that? If she engages you into thinking negatively about her new spouse it will justify her feelings as making a mistake! Think about that ......
Politely tell your friend not to involve you ....Advise her to seek counseling. Being from a small town is just an excuse....Dr. patient confidentiality will not be broken...Confidences are kept....it's only the patient that runs the mouth and breaches the confidences of a counseling session once that patient leaves the confines of the counseling office.
BEST ADVICE: Don't get involved in your friends problems! Their her problems and hers to deal with!
2006-09-26 07:05:27 · answer #10 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋