what do you do when someone stops loving you after years of marriage, you have tried all that you can to make him notice you, tried all kinds of sexy stuff, cooked good meals you name it, i did it. how can end this misery and pain., please dont tell me talk to him, because he will not. i love him, but i can't let go. i do not want my marriage to end. what else can i do? please no vicious heartless answers. this is my marriage, its painful enough.
2006-09-25 22:07:31 · 34 answers · asked by mercedes1 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know in your heart you have all the answers to the questions that are flowing in your head you just dont want to admit it
2006-09-25 22:29:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Counselling, counselling. I'm surprised how many people here would advise you to give up. He could be depressed or dealing with who knows what else. A professional might be able to draw out where the problem is and give you both an objective view on what is happening in your life. Don't give up too soon, you invested too much. Don't be a doormat either. Lay out where things are from your point of view. Tell him that you need to get into marriage counselling or by such and such a time these will be the consequence. If he refuses to co-operate at some point you should ask him to leave the home for a time and try again to see if you can begin taking steps to rebuild. Take it step by step. If you can't get into joint counselling any time soon, at least get some for yourself to keep yourself together as you go through this and so that you have someone to hear you out. All the best to you and your family.
2006-09-26 04:52:04 · answer #2 · answered by Zee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly what you're talking about, it's the same for me. People change. I know I have, you two probably have too. Life's events not only have a way of changing you, they can also come between you. If you do not put each other first, above all else ; possessions, money, jobs, even the kids - you drift apart. When this happens I believe you fall out of love. Then no amount of sex, counseling or favors will do any good. It's just gone. It's very painful and difficult, and I'm still searching for the answers myself. Only you can decide how happy you want to be. It sounds like you want and deserve more than you're getting out of life. You only go around once, and a good friend once told me everything happens for a reason. Dear Abby put it best when she said, "Ask yourself, would you be better off with him or without him?" Then decide and act on it, however painful that may be. Good luck to you, I hope you find happiness.
2006-09-26 02:17:20 · answer #3 · answered by Mike 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for your pain, alot of us are in the same situation I fear, I can only tell you what I do. Hang in there, pray, and don't lose yourself. Remember you are unique and there is only one you. If your husband cannot see that then honey don't force him too. Let your light shine thru to others, sometimes your spouse wakes up and sees that light too. I got some good advice, it is you cannot control others, try and get your mindset to I know I am ok, I know I am doing the right things, and whatever anyone else thinks (including your husband) doesn't matter. I know this is a tough pill to swallow but you have to take care of you first. Cry yell scream for a few days by yourself then rebuild make your own life, if you stay in the marriage, sooner or later he will come around. Keep hope never lose that. Watch your husband too is he under alot of stress? I mean from work or just anything for that matter, he may not be feeling "man of the house". Don't nag him, act like your ok, if he acts like he doesn't want you around, find something else to do, don't hang on him. Your world is yours, you invited him into it, if he doesn't participate, then that is his problem not yours.
2006-09-25 22:18:04 · answer #4 · answered by wilderhares 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wish I can give you a quick remedy,
but I can only ask if something did happen between to 2 of you that cause him to change
can you make plan to go on a family VAC preferably a cruise
it is hard if the person don't want to talk
I would tell you try separating for a few month but with the attitude that he has now thing might just turn final
is he talking to other if not that mean he is depress
at the end all I can say it
Try to be patient
Good Luck
2006-09-26 00:22:04 · answer #5 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you have tried all the recepies in the book I think it is time for you to let go.
It seems like you have been with this person as long as you remember yourself and are afraid to let go because you do not know what it means to be alone.
It certainely is scary being alone, growing alone and not having the person you envisioned your life with next to you but you have to move on.
If you cannot let go and want to give this marriage a LAST try make an appointment with a marriage counsellor. An objective person can help if there is mutual interest from both sides.
2006-09-25 22:13:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if you have been putting in plenty of energy & hitting a brick wall by doing so. I guess at this stage the only one who knows what's going on in your husband's mind is him. If he doesn't value you & your relationship enough to acknowledge your trying to make it work by trying to sort it out by talking to him to try to figure out where it all went wrong then honey, you owe it to yourself to find real happiness. A loveless marriage is what I saw my grandparents in for years & it's horrible & sooner or later you will stop loving him, perhaps when you feel some self worth enough to realise that you deserve to be loved back as much as you give out. If he's not noticing your efforts then no matter what you do, it's not going to make any sort of difference. Maybe spend a little time away (a few days? a few weeks?) & that could help him see that he does need you or confirm in yourself that you can make it in the world without him. Either way it should give you both some thinking space. Best of luck
2006-09-25 22:24:06 · answer #7 · answered by shirazzza 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you said it. You tried all that you can. You can't make him love you. Move on. (vicious heartless answers?) Maybe you need a few of those to get a grip on reality. Besides marriages only last as long as the love does. You already said that someone has stopped loving you....
2006-09-25 22:13:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Book a relaxing holiday for you both. Somewhere without mobile phones etc.
Stressed guys tend to get distant...
If there is an improvement towards the end of the holiday - then he probably needs a change of job - but not a change of wife.
This will probably mean a lower paid job - with less stress. So you then need to ensure that less cash doesn't become an issue.
If it fails - then at least you have a tan and a broader view on life.
2006-09-25 22:12:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry... I know you want to hear positive answers... well but even though it will hurt you, got to tell you. There's probably nothing you can do, you tried everything already. I know it's hard but may be the best thing is to let go. As long as you try to cling to him and to do all the best for him, I don't think he will appreciate you the way he should. Just let him go... I mean what do you have to loose... at the moment he's not into you at all... may be it will change when you show him a cold shoulder.
Sorry I couldn't give you a better answer... it's just my opinion and I really don't mean to hurt you.
I wish you luck.
2006-09-25 22:14:44 · answer #10 · answered by silverstarlightfairy99 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to have communication with each other in order to solve any problems in your marriage. You say he won't talk to you so the problems can not be solved or at least discussed. If that's how it goes you might as well end the marriage because there seems to be no hope for it. Sorry but if you can't talk to each other nothing can be resolved.
2006-09-26 05:46:56 · answer #11 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋