I'm spontaneous and always exploring and my wife is tempered and constantly planning. Our marriage is fine but when our opposite characteristics butt heads it flares. What's the secret to finding common ground?
2006-09-25 21:01:37 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The "secret" is in you both...you each have the power to control your personal "extremes", those qualities that make you opposite. When you both feel as if too much tension is building, use a signal, a word, a phrase, anything to stop the racing extremes and go relax in the comfortable land of "common ground" for some much needed consideration...I think you might find that there are very few problems that can't afford such luxurious and reasonable accomodations.
2006-09-26 00:00:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
there is only one way to have a successful and long lasting relationship. You have to genuinely like each other. I mean like not love or passion or sexual attraction but as you would be with a real friend. We all have faults and no matter how much people say they love each other if those faults are not acceptable to each other then it is headed for real problems. Actually that is what love really is. Some times you see people that seem to fight all the time but don't physically harm each other and keep this up for 50 years and more. If you really pay attention there is no real anger between them. On the surface it may seem that way but when you really listen and watch you will se that it is not hatred or real anger. There is nothing wrong with having arguments with each other as long as it is done with a tremendous amount of caring. You will also notice that these kind of people will instantly join if anyone tries to come between them.
It comes down to being the best of friends before anything else. True friendship lasts longer than lovers ever will. If you can have the lust to go with the relationship it is even better. Do not make the mistake that most do and call lust love. there is a great difference and both are great as long as a person knows the difference.
2006-09-26 04:20:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Compromise. there is a lot to be said for opposites attract but my oh my when they disagree boy look out. a healthy discussion is fine , even healthy at times providing it is not allowed to get out of hand. this is not always about personalities, male and females differ and its usually the females who like to plan, like the stability. the only answer is either agree to disagree or reach a compromise. marriage is all about compromise and communication.
2006-09-26 04:05:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trying lots of new things, often!
For example if you were trying to find a sport you both liked, then go on an adventure week holiday and try all the things on offer.
Both of you put a list of things you would like to do on pieces of paper and screw up the paper and put them in a bowl and each week take one out and try it together whether you thinks its your thing or not.
Look on lastminute.com for things to do, they have lots of interesting things and see if you can find one you both like.
Its trial and error, but you will eventually find something.
You also need to agree how you would like these flare ups to pan out. It might mean that you whisk her off to bed to make up - would she like that? Or that you both walk away and you go out and she stays at home for an hour until you both calm down.
There will be loads of suggestions on here so I suggest you try them all until you find the ones that work for you.
Lastly, whenever you both flare up, remember why you married each other!
2006-09-26 04:07:28 · answer #4 · answered by michelle a 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
congratulations: being in a relationsip of "opposites attract' is actually an exception more than being the norm. I learned that in my Social psychology class not two sessions ago.
An important key in any realtionship is communication. talk and try to find more things that you both like.
good luck and keep working on it! its a neverending work in progress!
2006-09-26 04:12:42 · answer #5 · answered by ladyjeansntee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think of something important that you both agree on. And talk with her and say something like "we have differences but when we talk about them, lets not argue. It'll give a soft side to see what we each think of something."
And, since you say your wife is always planning, never say to her, JUST RELAX FOR A BIT WILL YA. That pisses a woman off like hell.
2006-09-26 04:05:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
slowly both adopt opposite qualities.
just accept them both of u.
they will not remain opposite.
2006-09-26 04:31:51 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
find something you both are interested in and think about what bought you together in the first place.
2006-09-26 04:20:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
try to think like her...reason with her... its good she is always planning while you are exploring...makes things work better...i mean, what u dont do, she does...
2006-09-26 04:05:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
opposites attract
2006-09-26 04:02:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋