How to arouse your husband's interest in you, other than in sex?

Question

I want my husband to pay more attention to me. We have a great sex life but other than that he is simply not interested in what I do, my activities,etc. He takes good care of me. Please dont give me stupid suggestions like have an affair etc as I also love my husband alot. I want him to become inquisitive about me.

Answer 1

All partnerships, and all relationships for that matter, go through five predictable stages. Knowing these stages is like having a map that will help you to accurately assess where you are in your partnerships, see where you have been and where you can go.

This will also allow you to deal effectively with the particular concerns of the stage you are in. For example, upsets, disagreements, miscommunications and misunderstandings are a predictable, inevitable and unavoidable part of the second stage.

If you don’t know that, you could easily misinterpret what is going on in the relationship, make inappropriate choices and miss important learning and growth opportunities. Each stage requires a different, yet overlapping set of skills. Mastering partnership is about mastering these skills.

STAGE ONE - ATTRACTION - This stage of relationships is characterized by a fascination with another person, organization or project and a desire to learn more about them, as well as a desire to share yourself. It’s fun and it feels good. This is the time when positive possibilities are sensed and explored. This is the stage people wish would last forever.

ESSENTIAL SKILLS FOR SUCCESS IN ATTRACTION
1. Be interested, not merely interesting
2. Look for and focus on the best in others
3. Acknowledge/compliment others on the good you see in them and their accomplishments
4. Help people to relax with you - put them at ease
5. Know what the most important things are for people to know about you and weave those things into your conversations so you feel they "get" who you are
6. To simply "be" with others without an agenda
7. Keep your word to build trust
8. Be authentic
9. Look good and smell good!
Speech acts to learn and master:
1. Greeting
2. Making requests
3. Declining requests
4. Making promises
5. Making apologies
6. High performance listening
THINGS TO AVOID
1. Lying
2. Jumping to conclusions
3. Expecting people to read your mind and anticipate your conditions for satisfaction
4. Stereotyping or categorizing

STAGE TWO - POWER STRUGGLE - This is the stage where people start testing each other. It is one of the most difficult stages for people. Who is going to get whose way and how? Distrust from your unresolved past manifests and there is often a fear of loss of control and heavy judgments of the other person start to show up. Many relationships never move beyond this stage and many end here. This stage is really about building trust.

ESSENTIAL SKILLS:
1. Know and identify your feelings
2. Speak congruently with your emotions
3. Communicate without blame
4. Self-reflection - observe your thoughts, feelings and behaviors without judgment
5. Own/take responsibility for your mistakes without self-invalidation
6. Observe your automatic interpretations of others and events
7. Be present to someone else’s upset without defense
8. Know and articulate your requirements for trust
9. Be able to restore trust when broken
10. Use current upsets to resolve the past
11. Ask for help
12. Forgive yourself and others
13. Make correction without invalidation
14. Don’t control others or make their choices for them
15. Don’t sacrifice - be generous
16. Practice spiritual attunement to find the highest path
17. Take the initiative - be responsible for your own needs
18. Turn your complaints into requests
19. Be clear-headed and rational while feeling intense feelings or while in the presence of others intense feelings
20. Control your temper
THINGS TO AVOID
1. Giving ultimatums
2. Blaming others
3. Gossiping or participating in gossip
4. Being mean, attacking, hurtful or hypercritical
5. Saying things you’ll regret

STAGE THREE - COOPERATION - This is the stage where you learn to trust one another and to resolve upsets to your mutual satisfaction and benefit. You learn to share power and appreciate each other’s unique abilities and gifts. However, it is still self oriented, "What can I get out of this relationship?" rather than "What can we create with this relationship?" Beware of false cooperation in which one person acquiesces to the other in order to "keep the peace". This is still Power Struggle, only in a more subtle form.

ESSENTIAL SKILLS
1. Know and articulate the essence of your desires
2. Expand your capacity for compassion
3. Read others emotions
4. Assess trustworthiness in others and assume trust rather than suspicion
5. Inspire high level of trust from others
6. Care deeply about others
7. Feel connected with others
8. Generate enthusiasm
9. Find and define a common path
10. Know and articulate how others affect you, e.g., their losing/winning, problems/thriving
11. Make choices for long-term gain - overcome the need for instant gratification
12. Competency with creation techniques, e.g., visualization, goal setting, etc
13. Know and articulate your changing conditions for satisfaction
14. Neutralize competition while inspiring cooperation
15. Ability to articulate higher path, especially during stress
16. Be diplomatic and cordial even when worried, upset and during stress
17. Facilitate conversations for Speculation and possibility, Planning and design, Commitment and action
THINGS TO AVOID
1.Making assumptions
2.Sacrifice - it always leads to resentment
3.Withholding important communication out of fear

STAGE FOUR – SYNERGY - This is the stage where there is a realization of a power greater than that of each individual. There is also a commitment to a specified focus and use of the power. Extraordinary satisfaction, intimacy, and a deep sense of mutual trust, empowerment and ease characterize this stage. It is a highly creative, high performance relationship. It also possesses a high level of acknowledgment and appreciation. The relationship emanates joy and power in this stage.
ESSENTIAL SKILLS
1. Regenerate creativity
2. Balance work and play
3. Be alert to and neutralize complacency
4. Fine tune and evolve specific talents
5. Dance and surrender during the times of chaos before new beginnings
6. Let go of ego and attachments
7. Be as committed to the larger process you are involved in as you are to your own individual part
8. Practice letting the relationship "breathe"
9. Anticipate temporary Power Struggle when you up level commitment and prepare for it
THINGS TO AVOID
1. Taking the relationship and people for granted
2. Becoming overly intoxicated with the glory of synergy and get out of balance in your life
3. Expecting synergy to last without nurturing the relationship

STAGE FIVE – COMPLETION- This is a stage many people fear and avoid dealing with altogether. There are four ways relationships can be completed: drifting apart, expulsion/ejection, conscious completion or death. Sometimes completion is only about changing the form of the relationship, not necessarily the end of the relationship altogether.
ESSENTIAL SKILLS
1. Accept and flow with change
2. Acknowledge and integrate the value and learning from the relationship
3. Spiritual attunement
4. Own up to mistakes without self-inv
5. Make apologies
6. Redefine your common path - change form
7. Articulate the highest spiritual thought about the relationship
8. Know what you need to feel complete
9. Generate a safe space and a conversation to make sure everything that needs to be said or done to feel complete is communicated in a spirit of love and dignity for all parties concerned
10. Allow for a healthy expression of fear, anger, grief or any other emotion
THINGS TO AVOID
1. Feeling victimized.
2. Taking things too personally.
3. Resisting change.
4. Misperceiving that others are the source of your good or happiness.

Answer 2

Wow! That's a good one. Other than food (which is still the way...etc.) there aren't that many ways to get a man interested in you outside of sex. But, bear with me, we'll give it a try. First, you want this interest in you personally, not in the everyday things of your life like housekeeping. Let's try these:

1. Sometimes it's the simplest things that count. So, drop him a note hinting at something he doesn't know about you or your activities. Be careful not to make him suspicious or jealous. A note is more mysterious than just telling him.

2. Find something of his and start wearring it around the house. You know, a shirt or something appropriate for you to wear. If he doesn't ask why, tell him then that you just want to be close to him and it was the best alternative you could find.

3. One thing you don't want to do is cling, physically or emotionally; but this doesn't mean you can't find ways to stroke him verbally, or touch him ever so lightly at times, not in a sexual way, but as loving gestures. Hopefully he'll take note of them and begin returning some attention of his own. It will be hard to make this so that it's not construed as flirting, but that might be alright, anyway. Flirting does not equal sex.

Realize these ideas are just off the top of my head and I don't guarantee anything. (Standard disclaimer for untried theories) Good luck.

Answer 3

You want you husband to be inquisitive about you then you need to bring him in by being more inquisitive about him. If you start showing a lot of interest in him the chances it will go both ways. Paying attention to each other is very important and sex has a lot to do with it. When your husband becomes more interested in what you do and being with you the more sex will happen. He is a guy it just happens. You might find out your sex life was great and if everything comes together it becomes fantastic

Answer 4

AROUSE INTEREST is short span oriented CREATE INTEREST is Long lasting..

Apart from Sex there are other areas in which you can impress your husband.

1. Good Food
2. Good House Keeping
3. Best child care
4. Supporting His official works
5.Supporting him to perform his routine works/Habits
6.Create small situations to exhibit you love him most
7.Sharing your Ideas & Expectations in an indirect way
8.Entertainments & side seeing
9.Analysing yourself on ways to improve yourself to attract him better.

After all it may be due to your Lack of Faith on your Husband or
Confidence on yourself so build it the problems will be solved
V C Malarmannan
[e-mail]

Answer 5

if your asking that after being married I think you married the
wrong guy. You should have had that together long before now
what a shame. If he doesn't care about what you like then what the hell do you have sex Theres more to a marriage than sex
and to have to ask how to keep your husband inquisitive. Better
make a trip to see a thereapist

Answer 6

if u have a great sex life and he takes good care of u than the only other thing i can suggest is finding hobbies u both like and can do together. my partner loves golf and although i don't play me and the other girls go along to drive the buggies and have a couple of drinks while we watch the guys it usually turns out a great day. so use yr imagination I'm sure u will find something that u can connect on.

Answer 7

Perhaps you could get involved with his activities,whatever they might be. If that doesn't work,then give it a rest,sounds like you might be pushing the issue too much.

Answer 8

What made him interested in you in the first place? Maybe you should try doing some fun things - things like you did when you were first dating - meet at an amusement park or at the beach when thet sun is setting... be creative and have fun!
Good Luck!
Aloha!!

Answer 9

the one most important factor in getting ur hubby's attention is that u both must share the same interests..u shud pay more attention to his likes and dislikes...try having discussion on topics that interest him surely he will pay more attention to you and have a gud life

Answer 10

You should not have ego in your nature. You should take care about his habits just as his likings to eat, to wear dresses, to go for outing. You should also sometime tease him at appropriate time for entertainment.

Answer 11

Make him feel taht he is always correctin whatever he does, even though he may nat be. Discuss if he his not only after the negative outcome of what he did.