Problems with "chores" at home.?

Question

Here's the thing. I'm pretty much a perfectionist, and my boyfriend is pretty much the complete opposite. We've been living together for about 6 months, and we're still kind of getting used to eachother. I'm really trying hard to let things go and not get worked up, but sometimes it's so hard. There are certain things that I've asked him over and over numerious times to do certain things, and when I get home from work at night (10-11 pm) these things are not often done. Things such as turning the air up before he goes to bed, filling things when you use the last of them, dumping the garbage when it's full. I'm just so frustrated!! Do I let these things slide every time, or do we get in a fight about it every time?? Any advice or suggestions would be much appreciated.

I should've mentioned that we have sat down and talked about these things, but he is VERY forgetfull, so he'll "forget" to do these things. And I'm so tired of leaving post it notes everywhere. I feel like his dang mother!!

Answer 1

Girl Im in the Same Place you are but I have Figured out if I dont Ask him to do anything the Trash will be taken out and Dishes done when I get home but If I ask Him he says he forgot! Girl try this out It might work as it did for me

Answer 2

AHA, we have the same problems, but's it's the other around. My husband is the perfectionist. We've been together for 7 years, and Fight too much at the begining too.

From my own observation in many of my friends and family, you have 2 option

1 Just do everthing yourself and don't expect anything from him or ask him evertime you need help.
*You are physically tired, but you'll be mind free from fighting and telling him over and over ( basically you give up on him).

2 Continue fighting, and meanwhile you need explain to him patiently how important it's those things are to you, cause basically we sometimes don't understand why thing has to do in certain way that you do. Remember it's hard to change someone habit and way of thinking; so Don't forget to give him a credit/reward when he do something right.

* Over time you would be less perfectionist and he would be more like you, but don't expect that he will change a lot or you would be dissapointed.

We are more like option 2 than 1, but sometime option 1 is necessary.
Since 6 months is pretty short, You need to get to know each other better and don't be shy to ask, cause guy need to be asked when you need help, don't expect that he will do it automatically :)

Good lucckk !!!! Don't give up !!!!

Answer 3

If you "let it slide" then you are just compromising. You need to have a serious sit down and tell him that these things bother you, and that it isn't alot to ask of him to pick up after himself. When my boyfriend and I first got together I told him the only thing that I was tough on was that taking out the trash was the mans job when he was there. If he is there, he has me gather up trash, and takes it out without complaint, because I told him my views. But he gets a little aggravated at me for forgetting to fill the ice tray when I empty it, so no one is perfect. Once in awhile cutting him some slack isn't that big of a deal, but not all the time, otherwise you are just letting him do it 100% his way with no thought towards your feelings on the matter.

Answer 4

He's not going to change. The things you have asked him to do are so supremely unimportant to him, that he simply can't see the point in remembering them. So with the best will in the world, he probably never will remember.

So the bottom line is, you have to work out a way to live with him as he is, or it's not going to work. Can you sit down and work out how to split the chores so that he does the things that matter to him, and you do what matters to you?

For instance, my partner and I are quite different. I honestly don't see dust, so it never occurs to me to do the cleaning. Whereas he is quite fanatical about germs. So I do all the clothes washing, all the cooking and most of the shopping, while he does the cleaning. Maybe you could work out a split that works for you.

Answer 5

Been there, done that. Isn't it amazing how it is the little things that annoy us the most.

I find that sitting down and telling him how it makes you feel when he doesn't do the things asked of him sometimes works. When it does, I find a really big screaming fight gets some stuff done.

Not that I advocate fighting but in our relationship we don't swear but if I do swear, he knows how serious I am.

Answer 6

Sorry to say but you are going to have to get used to doing them your self... without the nagging and complaining or move on.. He will not change and I'm not saying that he is wrong... He is just who he is. He does not see the need to do these things therefore he "forgets" to do them. You can get a programmable thermostat, this would eliminate one problem... but as far as filling things, taking garbage out and other chores.. it aint gonna happen.. Just my opinion from a past experience

Answer 7

Sorry you are having troubles but keep in mind that a zebra never changes its strips. Either learn to live with it or find someone who is more compatible. There are many fish in the sea. My boyfriend and I have a lot in common as well as differences and we both except them. Love is a two way street.

Answer 8

Well, since you asked- don't get with a guy and plan to change him-that doesn't work-if he is a slob and doesn't take garbage out-that is the way he is- don't play house-maybe he really doesn't respect you or what you do. He doesn't have to buy the cow and he gets the milk for free, -I'd leave or have him leave- whose name is on the lease?? D

Answer 9

Sounds like he is not the 'right' guy for you. That, or the both of you need to learn to compromise and find a solution that works for both of you. Good partnerships that last are all about creative compromises.

Answer 10

Talk to him about it ..

Leave bits of paper about what should be done at various places so that he reads them and does the needful..!