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we have talked about it, had detailed discussions about the lack of intimacy etc. It seems like once we hit the bed at night...He is just totally self involved and is more interested in falling asleep and unattracted. He claims is in love with me, finds me beautiful, but our sex life stinks!

2006-09-25 19:20:39 · 18 answers · asked by shelley s 1 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

18 answers

hi there, it could be a variety of thing all hitting at once, stress at work, seasonal changes, his self esteem (or lack of same) his excitement factor, age, general medical condition, the list goes on, a few things you need to look at are.... has it always been like this?????? has something important *truamatic* happened recently, is the same level of intrest from both parties still present?????? while I hate to use a rule of thumb in personal cases such as this....... the general rule is....... the average married male...... should exhibit sexual interest in their partner at least once or twice a day........ this varies of course....... but all other things being equal....... if he's not displaying at least this level of interest.and their no obvious reason for this.then you might need to ake him for a complete physical........ and stress to the doctor why your actually there, which will help no end to narrowing down what he actually looks for........... good luck........WINTER

2006-09-25 19:44:08 · answer #1 · answered by winter 1 · 0 1

The way your husband is acting there may be two reasons:
1. Physical

2. Mental

Lets see
Sex or having sex is a very intimate and affectionate way of bonding between humans. When this function fails lots of eyebrows are raised. Maybe, the physical reason maybe erectile dysfunction or High Bp or just plain fatigue, should meet a Good Doctor for advise.

Now its also possible that your husband maybe under stress in the office, problems with the boss, financial problems which he may not be wanting to disclose to and the worst could off course be an extramarital affair (don't start doubting) keep as last option.
Have a heart to heart talk without nagging and if that does not work visit a Psychologist or Marriage Counsellor or a good Physician, I am sure it will work out. Good Luck

2006-09-26 02:49:58 · answer #2 · answered by Rahul 6 · 0 1

Does you husband Drink a lot , Because I know a few people who drink a lot and they are never interested in sex. Secondly there are many people who normal and are physically capable of having sex are not interested in sex at all although it is hard to believe for some one like me who needs to have sex at least once everyday but believe me I know men who are never interested in sex so that can always be a possibility.I dont thing anyone can always be so tired that he will never have sex sometimes when I am tired at night and I go to sleep early sex is what happens first the next morning. So honey find some one who takes care of your physical needs too life is too precious to be wasted.

2006-09-26 03:13:00 · answer #3 · answered by guess_is_king 2 · 0 0

if he treats you well during the day.. then he's just tired. How about meeting him at the door after work.. in something sexy? If you're like me.. when it comes to sex, you want it all. The touching, foreplay, kissing etc. You cant always have it your way. Give him a quicky here and there. Just let him stick it in ya while your washing dishes in the kitchen. It might turn him on more for later.. but it might not. Either way.. at least you're getting SOME action.. instead of nothing.

2006-09-26 02:35:15 · answer #4 · answered by spurdom28 2 · 0 0

Erectile dysfunction, sometimes called "impotence," is the repeated inability to get or keep an erection firm enough for sexual intercourse. The word "impotence" may also be used to describe other problems that interfere with sexual intercourse and reproduction, such as lack of sexual desire and problems with ejaculation or orgasm. Using the term erectile dysfunction makes it clear that those other problems are not involved.

Erectile dysfunction, or ED, can be a total inability to achieve erection, an inconsistent ability to do so, or a tendency to sustain only brief erections. These variations make defining ED and estimating its incidence difficult. Estimates range from 15 million to 30 million, depending on the definition used. According to the National Ambulatory Medical Care Survey (NAMCS), for every 1,000 men in the United States, 7.7 physician office visits were made for ED in 1985. By 1999, that rate had nearly tripled to 22.3. The increase happened gradually, presumably as treatments such as vacuum devices and injectable drugs became more widely available and discussing erectile function became accepted. Perhaps the most publicized advance was the introduction of the oral drug sildenafil citrate (Viagra) in March 1998. NAMCS data on new drugs show an estimated 2.6 million mentions of Viagra at physician office visits in 1999, and one-third of those mentions occurred during visits for a diagnosis other than ED.

In older men, ED usually has a physical cause, such as disease, injury, or side effects of drugs. Any disorder that causes injury to the nerves or impairs blood flow in the penis has the potential to cause ED. Incidence increases with age: About 5 percent of 40-year-old men and between 15 and 25 percent of 65-year-old men experience ED. But it is not an inevitable part of aging.

ED is treatable at any age, and awareness of this fact has been growing. More men have been seeking help and returning to normal sexual activity because of improved, successful treatments for ED. Urologists, who specialize in problems of the urinary tract, have traditionally treated ED; however, urologists accounted for only 25 percent of Viagra mentions in 1999.

2006-09-26 02:24:21 · answer #5 · answered by heatherlynnmorrow 5 · 1 1

Men like him amaze me. I can't even begin to imagine how anyone can use the "N" word when it comes to makin love! I'd kill to be in his shoes.... From an objective standpoint, he could be ill, there could be something wrong with him, or his conscience is bothering him. Maybe he should see a doctor. Maybe counseling, something. Because if you don't fix this now, believe me it will become an even bigger problem over time.

2006-09-26 09:35:07 · answer #6 · answered by Mike 4 · 0 0

A guy not interested in sex is probably more interested in someone else, already has his needs met, afriad of the consequences (babies, diseases), afraid of not satifying you, or simply too tired after a long day.

Get out of the bed and do it in the shower or somewhere else. You can't start a fire without a spark. Juice him up with something that will get him in the mood...be it music, the two of you alone, porn video, etc...

2006-09-26 02:27:04 · answer #7 · answered by Cie 2 · 0 2

GET OVER IT!!!!!! SEX ISN'T EVERYTHING! Sounds to me like your fella has finally wised up and realized there's more to life than scrumpin'. It's your turn. Get a life. Clean the house, cook some supper, do some scrap-booking. If you still have the energy to screw after all that, get your thyroid checked.
Love your husband, sex or no sex!

2006-09-26 02:27:08 · answer #8 · answered by Nobody Special 2 · 0 1

i understand your frustration!!!

dont assume he is having an affair (just yet)

try giving him something sexy when he wakes up (think like a man here)

he is probably genuinely tired or may even feel bored of love making in bed

he may be a man but he is still human and may feel you only want sex from him and he may just really want back some intimacy

2006-09-26 02:43:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

Maybe, he had a bad experience with sex and it has become unpleasent for him. Or possibly rape, which has now scarred him. I'm sure there is underlying reason why he is so unattracted to sex.

2006-09-26 02:27:54 · answer #10 · answered by ldyx811 1 · 0 0

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