We have been together for 4 years and are mid twentys, we both want to have kids but it all seems to hard when people are so against it.
2006-09-25 18:06:21 · 7 answers · asked by Eddy 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
please do not let people live your life for you and your partner...i would not waste my time studying them.......some questions to decide with your partner
have a child, or adopt..if you decide to have the child, who will bear the child? and a written agreement should be written up that is case the birth mother passes away , your partner has legal rights as a parent of that child. [lawyer needed for this] and are you both able to afford the costs of having a child[ either though insurance at work?? or what is the plan.. after both of you have made the decisions i say go for it and love your baby and enjoy your life together. God bless
2006-09-25 18:33:00 · answer #1 · answered by walterknowsall 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My partner and I had a child-she was 34 & I was 52 at the time, we had been together 6 years at the time.
3 unknown donor & artificial insemination trys later we had a beautiful baby boy. My partner is his natural mother while the courts granted me legal custody also. He is very well ajusted, kind, caring, and an honor student at school- he is now 8.
We have never-to this point anyway-had any problems concerning our life style and our son-either from him or others.
A year ago my partner & I went our separt ways. I still talk to him every evening and even see him via webcam plus several times a year in person.
I have never, in all my life, felt so much pain as I do now. I am not there to watch him grow nor share in his day to day life. I feel like I am being stabbed on a day to day basis I miss him so much.
He and I both miss each other so much but at this point there is nothing either of us can do.
Neither my expartner nor I gave a damn about what others thought it was our business and in that respect everything turned out fine-then we parted.
Please give yourselves plenty of time to think about having a child and check out all resourses. And if you both do have a child I pray you will never have to go through what I am.
2006-09-25 18:42:58 · answer #2 · answered by dragon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything in life is hard. If you truely love your partner and are in love with the idea of raising a child, then you can overcome the stigma of what others tell you. There are alot of people that are againsts everything. If you let this ruin your chances of happiness then why even try? People are not going to stop being IGNORANT on anything we want that "society" deems as ODD. You really should sit down and think about the process fully before you plan this wonderful event. GL. You can do it. Only if you have the willingness to stand up for what you believe.
2006-09-26 01:40:03 · answer #3 · answered by Goodbye 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wonderful!
There is nothing as joyous or as frustrating as being a parent! You will never feel as proud or as incompatent as you will raising a child.
That said...
I suggest that the two of you prepare in advance. Find a good lawyer that is knowledgeable in GLBT issues. Before you think about having a baby or adopting, make sure that wills, medical proxies and powers of attorney ane already taken care of. I'm sure that the right lawyer will be able to advise you on all paperwork that would be necessary.
When you are ready choose a donor. You may opt for a sperm bank, but many gay or lesbian couple ask a brother of the Mom not carrying the baby to be the father so that the child is genetically related to both of you. (Very personal choices here!)
Don't be afraid of having a family just because others will not approve. According to the 2000 census, 21% of gay male couples were raising kids, and 32% of the lesbian couples were doing the same. You are not alone.
Seek out groups for gay and lesbian parents and talk (or email) your concerns.
I really hope that I was able to help! Feel free to email me!
2006-09-25 20:22:26 · answer #4 · answered by knightofsappho 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't speak from experiance, but I think you should do it. And I can help you find some good books about gay parenting, if you want to read up beforehand.
How It Feels to Have a Gay or Lesbian Parent: A Book by Kids for Kids of All Ages
by Judith E. Snow
Lesbian and Gay Families Speak Out: Understanding the Joys and Challenges of Diverse Family Life by Jane, Ph.D. Drucker
Reinventing The Family: Lesbian and Gay Parents by Laura Benkov
Growing Up in a Lesbian Family: Effects on Child Development by Fiona L. Tasker
The Family of Woman: Lesbian Mothers, Their Children, and the Undoing of Gender by Maureen Sullivan
Sons Talk About Their Gay Fathers: Life Curves
by Andrew R. Gottlieb
Out of the Ordinary: Essays on Growing Up With Gay, Lesbian, and Transgender Parents by Margarethe Cammermeyer
For Lesbian Parents: Your Guide to Helping Your Family Grow Up Happy, Healthy, and Proud by Suzanne M. Johnson
Heather Has Two Mommies: 10th Anniversary Edition by Leslea Newman
The Lesbian Parenting Book: A Guide to Creating Families and Raising Children by D. Merilee, Ph.D. Clunis
2006-09-26 03:12:33 · answer #5 · answered by dani_kin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think carefully about if you're willing to give up just being a couple.You can't just leave when you want,you have to pack a bag to take the baby anywhere.It's very expensive,regular sex is a thing of the past.It's very hard on a relationship most of the time.I have two kids,one with each husband,and it's still very hard.It changes things.I don't regret it at all,but I never went out before.It's a little different when you have such a hard time going to the store.It's fulfilling,but if you enjoy having freedom,you really should think about it a lot.
2006-09-25 18:14:39 · answer #6 · answered by kimberli 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are a gay couple (assuming), you both need to realize how society judges your lifestyle. Then think of how much stress, aggravation,anger, and even sadness that you feel by this. Now, to me, it would be very selfish of you both to bring a defenseless, innocent child into your lifestyle. Please understand me, this world is cruel and there is no other place to live, but you really have to be able to support,protect,defend,and fight for acceptance, for a child to have to do that all their life is not fair. Bi-racial couples experience this dilemma too. If I ,as a hetero had the chance to not bring kids into this world of chaos, you bet I wouldn't !!!
2006-09-25 18:32:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋