Ahhhh restraining order mess /:?

Question

me and my ex were dating for 5 months, we have been broke up now for 1 month and she is 6 weeks pregnant with my child.We broke up on and off a few times, but always got back together. Till the last time. We had kinda a manic relationship towards the end, really high highs and really bad lows, name calling, on both parts. Anyways she ends up pregnant, I bought and saw the test results. We get into another huge argument, and we text each other, and she says I will not recieve updates and to go to hell, and I throw some insults back at her, and some text which happen to be saved by her, and I go over to talk to cool things down and as I get over there she is leaving and I drive hoping she will pull over, she sees me. she doesn't end up talking to me and I drive away, then a few days pass and I get served, go to court a week later and she gets a restaining order on me for 2 years, when she is pregnant with my kid. is there a way I can still recieve updates about baby?I Live in Wis.

I would love for the relationship to worked out but it didn't. I offered to go to dr. vistits and classes, before our argument, she got me on claims of harassment, because I texted her a bunch that all I wanted was to help and have people try and help her find housing and public assistance, she is very independent and denied talking to anyone I knew who could help. I told her to accept help and stop being so stubborn and let other people help, including myself, then she said she didn't need anyone but her family,I desperately want to be there as a good father and do anything and everything. At this point I just wanted to have medical updates, so I know how my little baby is progressing, and she may even get an abortion.I would be out in the wind not knowing anything.

In some text I did get frustrated and we did go back and forth with some pretty harsh stuff. I don't want to be in a relationship with her. I just want to know if there is anyways I can recieve information. Or modify the restraining order, 2 years is so long if you may have a child with that person. I figured a month or two for some space, I never threatened her.

Answer 1

Um that is hard but i think u should call the courts and ask them what is the procedure for u to do to get rights to see ur child. Explain to them the situation and see what they tell u. Whatever u do stay away from her because it seems like she is willing to do whatever to keep u away from her and u could ger locked up. There should be a way for u to interact with ur child without seeing her. My sister was in a bad relationship and she got a restraining order aganist the father but he still had rights to see the baby. The only thing was that she couldn't give him the baby when it was his time to spend with her, my mother had to drop her off and his mother had to pick her up.

Answer 2

Here's the point in your life were you really need to get your stuff together. Make every effort to clean up anything that you shouldn't be doing, get a good job and offer to help support the child. If you have to and can ask your family to contact hers for information on the child. Also, make it very clear you would like to be in the child's life and will do whatever possible to be a good father and provide. It is so important you do this now before that child is born. You don't have to continue a relationship with the girl, but you will be bound together forever as parents and need to set up a "working friendship" for the child. Good Luck

Answer 3

What is it you actually want? Do you want to just know about the baby? Are you willing to support it? Do you want your ex back? What were the grounds for the restraining order?

To establish grounds for your rights to see the baby, you will need to establish paternity to start with. You'll need a lawyer to get you through the legal tangle. If there was violence involved in the "kinda manic relationship", you've got a tough battle going in, and at best will get supervised visits.

I'm not aware of any laws that require revelaing updates on the baby. You need to determine what it is you really want, see a lawyer and go from there.

Answer 4

You should have rights as far as the baby goes regardless of what is going on with her. There would just have to be some other arrangement for you to be able to see the baby. But then again, i guess it depends on what the grounds for her getting the restraining order were, what she claimed you did. Talk to a lawyer about it to find out for sure what your rights are. I feel sorry for you. She must be an awful woman not to even let you see your baby unless you abused her of course, then i guess you deserve it. But if not, she should let you be a part of your child's life, even if she doesn't think you deserve it, she should care about her baby enough to let that go.

Answer 5

Okay, this is the point in which the vast majority of those faced with similar circumstances find themselves "stuck" in what I like to refer to as "the justice trap". When a person believes that they have been wronged and/or treated unfairly, it is natural that they experience feelings of helplessness, hopelessness and powerlessness; to a certain degree, that is. When these feelings start to become chronic and pervasive, however, typically depression won't be far behind. Filled with self-pity, these individuals will see themselves as victims of, rather than participants in, the events of their lives. They become stuck in the injustice of it all wasting precious time and energy in protest and righteous indignation, spinning their wheels and ultimately achieving NOTHING.

{You may be wondering how any of this is relevant to your question. Just stick with me a little longer; there's a method to my madness.}

Unlike what you describe in your post, my ex-boyfriend's behavior had become more and more unpredictable, inexplicable and bizarre. His actions began to pose a significant risk not just to my well-being, but more importantly that of my children. I sought after, and successfully obtained, a restraining order against him for reasons that were inarguably legitimate supported by irrefutable factual evidence. It has enabled me to slowly regain some peace of mind.

Based upon the information you have provided, (assuming it's accurate), there is NO logical reason in the world why a judge would uphold a decsion that would ultimately result in an inability to be a part of your child's life, IF YOU PROVE that you're sincerely motivated by a desire to co-parent and take an active role in the life of your child, you CAN get modifications made and/or successfully appeal the judge's initial descision to grant her request. The KEY is to keep yourself from falling into that justice trap where you end up drowning in an ocean of self-pity ; stay focused on your goal and don't allow yourself to be sucked into those old destructive behaviors.

Also, take the initiative to find out about, and attend, any parenting workshops/classes available in your area. Read up on books that offer strategies on how to co-parent successfully under difficult circumstances as well as those geared towards teaching us how 2 cope with angry feelings in a more constructive and healthy way. Actions always speak louder than words. Neither of you can deny the history of votility in your relationship which escalated even further towards the end, but it's what you've done since then that will carry the most weight in court. The judge will view your efforts (if you have done what I recommended that you do) as a strong indication that you truly want what's best for your child. Admitting our character flaws does not magically turn us into better people, neither does picking others apart. Most problems that relate specifically to one individual parent are not addressed by that parent independently, rather they have to be forced into action by the courts, and even THAT doesn't work with scum.

If you really want to be a part of your child's life (I think it's a girl for some odd reason) DON'T WAIT UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE, YOU CANNOT TAKE BACK MISTAKES OF THE PAST and believe me because I know first hand, you do NOT want to live out your life trapped inside a soul tortured and tormented by guilt, regret, shame, failure and grief.

Answer 6

Why would you wait because your household has created a mess? tell your brother's spouse that you want both your brothers at your wedding ceremony which skill she will be able to no longer be invited. or perhaps for the reason that your brother enable his spouse report a restraining order hostile to his brother that brother would somewhat stay abode, his selection.

Answer 7

Legally, she doesn't have to tell you anything about her or the baby until it is born. Then you have to get a lawyer, go to court and petition for visitation. Then you will also be responsible for child support - which, by the way, she can get totally seperate of you having visitation. If you really want to be part of her life, clean up your act, be responsible and wait for her to notice.

Answer 8

Pregnant women are notoriously moody because of the outrageous things the hormones are doing. Don't worry about the restraining order, I'll bet she's calling you at some point wanting you to be there for her.

Answer 9

You can always go to court and fight the restraining order. Then if that doesn't work, file for custody, there will be a paternity test and then you will have rights to your child.
If you want it bad enough fight for it. Don't let it go.