my best friend cuts herself?

Question

one of my best friends just transfered to my school this year, and everything was great until suddenly her dad passed away. i later found out that she had a suicidle mind and cut herself. her mom abuses her too. her other best friend is a goody goody christian girl and she is keeping a huge secret from her. if she told, that girl would tell her parents and this big dramatic thing would arise. what can i do to help her and not get her in trouble? and without her getting mad at me and my other friend? i dont want her to hurt herself anymore. please help!

Answer 1

I used to cut myself, and the best thing my friend did for me was to not think I was totally crazy and psycho. First of all, just be there for her if she needs to talk. I know that doesn't sound like much, but that's a lot more than she probably gets anywhere else. The other great thing my friend did for me was to encourage me to get help. She didn't treat my cutting like it was "no big deal." It sounds like your friend won't get much help from her mom, so encourage her to seek it out somewhere else. She can talk to her school counselor, a religious confidante like her pastor (if she's religious), or a relative like an aunt or grandparent that she can trust. Because she is in so much pain, however, she may need some help getting help. It's very, very important that you can't stop her from cutting herself. But you can help her to help herself. You can volunteer to go with her to the school counselor, and you can provide her with helpline numbers that she can call anonymously when she's feeling like cutting or suicide. Keep in mind that you can call these too, to get advice about what to do about your friend. Here are some numbers that are free to call: 1800-TALK NOW. 1800-SUICIDE. There's not a hotline specifically for cutting, but the people who answer these lines can help with that too. They can also encourage and guide her to get help from a counselor in her area. If you search "suicide hotline" on yahoo or google, you can find others, particularly others that are in your area specifically. (The ones above are national, so they work all over the US). This is important: if she calls you and says she is suicidal and wants to kill herself now (and she has a plan about how she's going to do it), then you need to call 911. That is an emergency, and you don't have the training to keep her from killing herself. But other people do. That's their job. All you would need to do in that situation would be to make that call and tell them 1) her name, 2) what she's planning to do to herelf, and 3) where she is. If you want to, ask them not to tell her you called. Usually, they don't report a caller's name anyway.

Ultimately, the only way that your friend can recover from the cutting and depression and everything else is to get treatment, probably with a therapist. You aren't a therapist, and you can't fix her. What you need to make sure is that you take care of yourself so that you can be there for her throughout this process of healing. Please talk to an adult you trust--parent, school counselor, friend's parent, relative, whoever--about your friend. They can help you and your friend with things that need adults in charge of them: finding a good therapist, knowing how much danger your friend is in, dealing with the abusive adults in your friend's life...this is all too big for one person, especially one person your age. In the midst of all of this, let others help you. What your friend needs most is what she misses most: love, someone to talk to, someone who doesn't yell at her and criticize her, a hug when she needs it. Don't feel like you're helpless to do anything, because these things mean the world to people like her and me, who don't get that at home. My mother also abuses me, and having a friend willing to give that love and support to me makes such a huge difference when I have one. She may be in too much pain right now to say it, but she's grateful you're there and you care.

Bless you for being there, and stay strong! I hope this helps, and tell your friend that someone who's almost killed herself and still thinks about cutting sometimes says that I've been there, and I'm coming out of that dark place, and that she can too. Tell her I love her, and tell her I said please get help because she doesn't deserve to be abused or to feel like she needs to cut just to deal with the pain. There's something better for her!

Answer 2

I have never lost a parent so I will not say that I know how she feels. I am sorry for her loss. In this situation you need to tell someone that you trust to be by your side when you confront her. If you are her friend please get her professinal help. I know this sounds like the same old stuff. You truly want to help her, then you have to realize that you may lose her as a friend. I am sorry. Her situation is horriable. You will be her best friend if you can do this for her. I hope this helps in some way.

Answer 3

first off it is a good sign that she has confided in you, as at some level she is seeking help, below is a website that some alternatives to self harming, it may help slowly reduce the damage she is doing to herself.

http://www.lcet.org/selfharm/alternatives.html

Also seems like her mother is blaming, * her daugther of the lose, could you find someone in her mother society circle, had could approved the mother - as it likily the mother is not coping with lose and grief.

*part / a stage of depression is angry, and people sometimes take the angry out on the people they actually care about.
This could be the case there or not, depends on the situation.

Will try to add more later -its good for her to have a friend who is will to help and not walk away

take care.

Answer 4

I am sorry to hear about your friends situation. Sometimes the right thing to do is the hardest thing to do. Most importantly, your friend needs help. Is keeping this a secret going to keep her from harms way? Think about it. Seek professional Help. I am a counselor, and this situation is serious. There is no easy way to approach this.

Answer 5

I just wanted to reasure you that when a person cuts themselves they dont necessairly want to commit suicide. It just means that they get rid of unpleasant feelings through cutting themselves. Many times people that do this dont know another way to release their feelings. Something that you could do to help your friend is allow her to discuss her feelings without judging her, which doesnt sound like something you would do since you are reaching out for help. You could suggest she talk to her school counselor and always be supportive of her, maybe having her call you every time she is feeling this way instead of cutting herself. Best of luck to you and your friend.

Answer 6

Is there a counselor at school that you can confide in. You have to tell someone whats going on. Your friend needs serious help. keeping quiet can only hurt the situation.

Answer 7

well this kinda happened to me to. I told her to stop and that i actually cared about her. She didnt but then i really talked to and told her i would go to someone and tell them something. If she has the mind of sucide she might have the will. make sure your actually there for her insted of just saying of im so sorry and walking away.

Answer 8

first of all your friend, talk to her, tell her about whats going on and remind her of all your fun times, what you do when you tell her them makesure not to include any that have to do with her dad, and if you want to not try to get her in trouble then talk to her and her mom at the same time.

Answer 9

She needs help but i would say be a good friend and help her to make it through this hard time she is going through show her you care and will be their to help her through this

Answer 10

hey !
i had a friend who used to cut herself too , she had a lot of family trouble .
its mostly that she is craving for attention, try spending time with her.