My divorce was finalized yesterday. My ex-wife emailed me tonight and now admits that she was seeing someone else before she filed for a divorce. All this time she said that she wasn't but I had a gut feeling that she was seeing another guy. Now she wants to be friends and put the whole thing behind us for the kids sake. Yeah, one big happy family, My ex-wife, her boyfriend James, and our kids. I don't want to be her friend. I feel hurt and used by her for eleven years. What do you guy think.
2006-09-25 16:56:26 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dont be friends then, i couldnt do it...Hey did her family have a party like you thought they may????
2006-09-25 17:07:44 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Blow her off! Look, if this woman cheated on you, you should not give her the time of day! For eleven years!!! You've given her nothing but love and cared for her. My parents divorced when I was 6....I am 21 now, they have not spoken to each other since I was 9. Even when we have birthdays and get togethers with the family, they stay on the other side of the room from each other, but also keeping in mind of the kids. I can understand how you feel about this, I would be devistated too.
Some people are able to live like that, the ex-wife, boyfriend, and the kids. But then again some aren't. You are just going to have to find a way to get through this. She kept the affair secret so that the courts would not hand the kids over to you. In most divorce cases, that is what happens. I wouldn't be buddy-buddy with her, but yes, for the kids sake I would associate with her. You don't have to be friends with her boyfriend... by any means no! lol. But now you are going to have shared custody and you will have to speak with them. I'm really sorry to hear this. It sickens me to hear how some women treat their men. I hope all goes well with you.
2006-09-26 00:19:44 · answer #2 · answered by yourqueenofall 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, dude....I'm still going thru the divorce, my ex and her boyfriend "james".(my ex friend) are screwing me financially, and have pretty much messed up my life. Yeah, she oscillates back and forth, promising friendship, and stabbing me in the back.
My friend, she's a whore. A lying whore. She deserves nothing but the most clipped, direct conversations about the kids. And nothing else period. Do not talk with her, befriend her, attempt to be civil. She just put you thru hell, and messed up your life.
Go out, get a new life, and save your money- because she'll be messing with you again. Don't let it eat you up, but do plan on your next round of legal manuevers. Because it will come.
Walk away, do not give her the benefit of anything. Cold, scorched, salted, bitter earth, denuded of anything remotely human. Her betrayal deserves nothing less. Don't open yourself up to any chance she can take on you legally.
Good luck, and hang in there.
2006-09-26 00:27:30 · answer #3 · answered by Sad-Dad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gee, doesn't that just sound great? The ex, her new guy and the kids. Of course in her eyes it would. She was the one who did the wrong to cause the divorce and now she wants to pretend like it never happened? You are under no obligation to be her friend honey. She, doesn't deserve that and she needs to be told that. She was the one who ruined the family unit and you are in no hurry to rebuild that with some other guy in the picture. Simply explain to her that your obligation is to your children and your children only. Tell her that you will agree to remain civil, but she is not to confuse that with friendship...she severed that when she cheated.
2006-09-26 00:13:01 · answer #4 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even without "HIM" in the picture you would need your healing time. Be polite, tell her you need this time and you expect her to respect that by not bringing him around. Talk about this without the children present and if she brings him anyway, just be in and out. Don't disrespect them in front of the kids. She can turn you into "The Bad Guy" to them if you do. Look at the big picture right now, it will be hard with the pain you are having, I'll pray for you right now.
2006-09-26 00:06:24 · answer #5 · answered by Liome 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to stay cool for your kids. They need parents that are civil to one another. It's important. I know your hurt, but don't let your kids see or hear any of it. It will hurt them in the end and I know you don't want to do that. She was really mean by telling you this. She kept it from you this long, she should have kept it from you forever! You can be civil, but most definitely you don't have to be friends. She's asking for too much!
2006-09-26 01:26:30 · answer #6 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your feelings are valid, and you have every right to tell her how you feel. She needs to know that hurting someone like that is not ok and that forgeting it and forgiving her are not an option right now. I feel sorry for you. You should have never been put through that. You definitely deserve better. Good Luck
2006-09-26 00:08:54 · answer #7 · answered by flutterby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because your instincts are usually right most of the time. It's all up to u if u don't want to be friends with her as u shouldn't force the issue. But at least be there for your children and be a good father to them.
2006-09-26 00:08:08 · answer #8 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u never need to even want to be her friend...she isnt much of a lady, and damn sure wasnt much of a wife. worry for the sake of ur kids, and let her go.
2006-09-26 00:18:55 · answer #9 · answered by Elly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell her she made her bed, now sleep in it. There could never be any frindship between the to of you. Frindship is trusting someone and she destroyed that trust. But find in in your heart to forgive her, and then move forward in you own life and don't look back.
2006-09-26 00:10:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sucks. If you are mature about it, some day your kids will realize how cool you really are and they will model their parenting skills after you, not your philandering wife.
There's no reason to talk to her about anything that does not have to do with your kids.
2006-09-26 00:01:46 · answer #11 · answered by Katherine 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋